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Sleep

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Original poster

Breastfeeding Toddler, not sleep training. Help.

34 replies

TryinghisbestDad · 07/04/2024 00:18

Seemingly, all the Dads I know, their partners stopped breastfeeding around 9 months to a year and then sleep trained. My partner still breastfeeds and doesn't want to sleep train. So our little one is feed to sleep late in the evening (ranges from 8-10pm) and is waking up every night about 2 hours later. I can never help as they don't want me so then little one and mum go to bed together and I mostly sleep on the sofa. This doesn't seem healthy to me as noone is really sleeping properly and little one is not learning to sleep in her own bed. Is there anyone is a similar situation?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Harrysmummy246 · 07/04/2024 13:43

GoodnightAdeline · 07/04/2024 10:50

I didn’t say they were developmentally delayed. But there’s a link between lack of sleep and reduced cognitive function and emotional regulation. Sleep is a need just like food and parental care. The fact it’s brushed aside on here like it’s normal to go without it is mad.

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It's not lack of sleep, it's just not connecting sleep cycles. Go and have a look at some research by Lynsey Hookway

Loveskin2024 · 07/04/2024 13:46

Mum & baby sound perfect. Leave them to it and just support as best you can ❤️ it’s not forever x x x

Constantdistractions · 07/04/2024 13:51

All totally normal. I'd imagine with your DW working full time there is an element of reverse cycling too. As long as your DW is happy with this it's fine and nothing needs to change. My DD is now 2.5, still has the odd BF through the night but generally is down to 1 BF in the morning and sleeps through most nights. I have done absolutely nothing to wean her and didn’t with my eldest either who self weaned at 3. Humans do not need to be taught how to sleep, it is a biological function.

Original poster

TryinghisbestDad · 07/04/2024 14:36

Harrysmummy246 · 07/04/2024 02:41

We were lucky that night weaning did improve sleep for DS but it was very much on my terms, when I was ready as I had so much anxiety around his sleep anyway.
It was done very slowly, by me, not removing bed sharing comfort as well. Night weaned about 21 mo, after a long and gradual period of reduction of length of any feed etc, then offering cuddles first then finally explained mummy's milk was too tired and so we'd just cuddle if needed. No upset and he didn't even ask after the second night

You need to follow your wife's lead here, it's not just about your child, it's her too, and ultimately her decision.

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Yeh definitely agree. DD speech isn't there at the moment (trying not to worry as I'm sure that's another thing that will come in time) but hopefully when it is we can also explain something like you did and the process will become easier. Thank you!

OP posts:

Original poster

TryinghisbestDad · 07/04/2024 14:39

NavyPeer · 07/04/2024 10:26

My husband still gets the same, but it’s short lived.

i had a termination recently, I was in a lot of pain and the bf was giving me more cramps so I slept in the guest bedroom. She was absolutely furious that she couldn’t get to me, but he just had to hold her and shush-pat throughout the screams. She did settle.

But we only really do this if it’s unavoidable like the situation above. Dad doesn’t resettle on a normal evening at home unless I am touched out and at the end of my tether. I do still go on girls trips and out for the evening, so they do just have to cope when I am not there. I know lots of babies who were never breastfed who will still default to mum in the night at this age. It might be you in 6 months time!

Sounds like your wife just wants to do the easiest thing of booby magic than get you settling her when there isn’t a need for it. I don’t blame her. I think it’s important though that you encourage her to go see her friends or says yes to any trips- and you just say that you will muddle through and you have to learn. What you don’t want is a situation of resentment where she doesn’t feel like she can default from the status quo.

but in the short term I think you guys need to get a super king bed. That is going to make things so much easier. Once you have a baby safe room and a monitor set up, you might find that your wife can feed to sleep and ninja roll away so you can have an evening together. Mine will happily go into cot after a feed, but I know some toddlers need to fall asleep with a parent- so this might help.

Get on Facebook marketplace and stop sleeping on the sofa 😂

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DW is having a day out with the gals today so the balance is there which feels good from my side too!

We've got a Montessori floor bed on the way so fingers crossed that can be another tool but definitely feeling better and will try a more patient approach.

Thank you for your tips!

OP posts:

Original poster

TryinghisbestDad · 07/04/2024 14:42

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 07/04/2024 10:33

I fed mine for two years .. on demand.. waking every hour or so.. that's what our breasts are for.. are you feeling left out ?
Your wife is doing and amazing job.. don't take notice of your friends .
My husband used to pick daughter up out of cot next to us and help her latch onto my nipple while cuddling us both.. when she fell back asleep he put her back.
Sorry but babies come before husbands.
Won't be forever.

Not feeling left out, just wanting to help as DD doesn't wriggle a lot during the night whilst feeding and DW doesn't seem to have the best night's sleep!

Babies definitely come first and I'm sure it will change when the time is right. Was just having a moment when I posted this I think as noone I know has said any of the things you guys have on here, so thank you!

OP posts:

GoodnightAdeline · 07/04/2024 16:46

Harrysmummy246 · 07/04/2024 13:43

It's not lack of sleep, it's just not connecting sleep cycles. Go and have a look at some research by Lynsey Hookway

Show quote history

The studies include wakefulness and multiple short stretches. It’s fine for newborns and young babies - it protects them from SIDS - but as the months go on it has negative effects.

PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance · 07/04/2024 19:17

@GoodnightAdeline
Does it matter when the studies came out.. the outcome doesn't alter the fact .. that l fed more often and yet she wasn't underdeveloped.
I also put her on her front to sleep.. because that was advised.. 2nd baby on her side.. that was advised.. Grandkids on their back.
Next year new studies might say feed on breast 24/7.
Everyone does their own thing.

GoodnightAdeline · 07/04/2024 19:22

One child isn’t data. If they were, then I could say only breastfeeding for a few months is why my child is so bright. It isn’t. If you don’t understand that a study of hundreds of children is worth more than your experience of raising 1 child, then you’re not really up to having this discussion.

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