Does sleep training always work?

[dash26]

DD is almost 6 months and since the day she turned 4 months her sleep has been awful wakes 5-10 times a night and is now refusing to be put down at all in her crib. We have tried everything and are at rock bottom so have now hired a sleep consultant and we will likely do some sleep training next week with their support.

My question is does sleep training always work? DD gets so hysterical if you leave her in her crib as she has always fed to sleep and can't self settle. She does not take a comfort from me patting or shushing her in fact it makes her crying worse, so I am concerned the sleep training won't actually work.

The method we will likely be following is where you stay in the room with them and offer support (sing, pat, talk etc)

Has sleep training ever failed for anyone?

Used the same company with both DC. Worked with DC1 in 3 nights. Tried for around 3 months with DC2 and it didn't work. They actually said that in their experience if it doesn't work then there is likely to be something else at play - medical/neurp-divergence. DC2 is now diagnosed with autism and adhd. So they were right in that instance.

I hope it works for your LO! Is say they have a good success rate

It didn't work for 2 or mine. They hated the shushing, sitting next to the cot business. Would get so upset. We ended up leaving them to cry (accidentally with DS1 as he was up every 30 mins and sheer exhaustion meant I was unable to wake up and go to him, he cried himself to sleep after about 20mins of crying and we deliberately left him the next night, cried for about 7 mins then 3 mins the night after). He then slept through. I genuinely was going to have a breakdown so it saved me. He is autistic and this seems quite common that the gentle parenting techniques doesn't work.

The method we will likely be following is where you stay in the room with them and offer support
Yes this failed spectacularly as they would just wake up a few hours later wondering where we’d gone. He was older though, so maybe it works better with younger babies IDK. Controlled crying worked like a dream though.

From what I've heard it's largely down to baby's temperament whether it will work. Mine was such a limpet in every possible way that I didn't even try it, I don't think he was a good candidate for it. We started cosleeping after the 4 month regression and that honestly made nights easier, not because he slept any better or longer but because I didn't have to get out of bed and would often fall back asleep mid-feeding too so I ended up getting more sleep.

It was around 8-9 months when we started transitioning away from full time bedsharing when we got him a floor bed. For a while one of us would still end up finishing the night in his bed, but gradually that became less and less common. Then pretty much overnight when he was around 13 months he just slept through! I'd night weaned exactly a week earlier. He's 18mo now and sleeps well when nothing is going on, but unfortunately this autumn he has been either unwell with nursery bugs or teething HARD since September and things are a bit challenging again.

Just to provide an update on this we tried gentle sleep training and it did not work. DH and I were at breaking point with sheer exhaustion, so with the help of a sleep consultant we tried the Ferber method.

the first night was about 45 mins on and off of crying before DD put herself to sleep. Since then she falls asleep within 10-20 mins of being put in crib wide awake for bedtime and naps and is now waking once a night for a feed. It has completely changed our lives and I am a better mum for it by being more energised in the day when looking after her. Not saying it works for everyone but it worked for us.

It worked for us in that our son's sleep dramatically improved after sleep training. It had been horrendous before that, waking every 40 minutes for most of the night and taking at least an hour to settle each time. We were all exhausted including him. After sleep training he woke 1-2 times a night and took less than 10 minutes to resettle each time.

It was still over a year after sleep training before he began consistently sleeping through the night though (when he was 20 months old).

Ferber and the cry it out method works on most kids.

Less effective on children with autism from my research.

My child was such a terrible sleeper, and difficult child all round before sleep training that I've googled autism symptoms several times.

@dash26 I’m so glad this worked for you! What happened the first night after they’d gone to sleep, did they wake in the night? My baby self settles of an evening but then wake several times during the night and it’s the night wakes we don’t know how to tackle, did you use the Ferber again for any night wakes?

A similar method but with more frequently checks worked for us. It was amazing and changed our lives.

@Springbaby2023 so the first night we handled wakes as before, feeding or rocking back to sleep. The second night we only had 2-3 wakes one of which I fed her but made sure she didn’t fall asleep and put back down awake. The other two times I started the timer to do Ferber and go in but she fell back asleep within a minute or two. After travelling over Xmas and staying with family where she refused to sleep in a travel cot we are now back to square one so going to have to implement it again from scratch.

No didn't work with either of mine and I felt awful afterwards that's I'd been trying to trian them to cry to sleep!

@dash26 Oh no, good luck with starting again! I’m just not sure whether it would work here as it’s not the going to sleep that’s the problem, it’s the staying asleep! So he self settles but then wakes up however many times and just cries and cries unless I feed him. I can find less advice on this.

@Springbaby2023 one thing we did do before starting Ferber was to remove the feeding to sleep association at bedtime by adding in other associations then fading them out, e.g rocking, walking, standing still then patting. Did that for about 10 days before. Also made sure she wasn’t hungry when she woke first and tried to feed more in the day where possible. If she had a day where she took less food we would feed every 4-5 hours in the night when she woke, other times would follow Ferber. Good luck!!!

@dash26 he doesn’t feed to sleep at bedtime, just self settles 🙈 But I think tonight we’re going to try and settle him other ways for at least the first few hours, provided we feel he’s had enough in the day

@Springbaby2023 how are you getting on?

we have regressed a little…still doing Ferber but it’s now taking around 30/40 mins of crying before she falls asleep, whereas we had got it down to less than 4 minutes a week ago. Her afternoon nap today was atrocious, she screamed on and off for so long I ended up stopping altogether. Hoping tonight is a bit easier.

Stick with it. It does end eventually

Different things work for different babies with sleep training, we used a method where we go in and settle her (gentle belly stroking) after 2 mins, then 2.5, then 3 etc so on up until 5 mins and then keep going back after 5 mins. That worked well and quickly for our baby and we have just had to do it again (now one year old and ice started standing in cot and crying) and it's working well and quickly again. Whereas my friend and her husband let their baby cry for 17 minutes before going in. It's tough to know what will work for each baby i guess but frequently checks to calm her works well for ours. Good luck

The children initially appear to sleep better but often regress further down the line and end up worse than ever.

I phoned a helpline when dd was a baby and that was her opinion after many, many years of helping parents.

Thank goodness her opinion is not factual

From what I csn remember it is also what the research shows. Babies who have been seep trained with extinction methods initially show improved sleep compared to the control group but after 6 months there is no significant difference between the two groups.

You'll have to cite your sources otherwise I'll assume its totally made up.

And it's been 14 months since I sleep trained my DC, she still sleeps through the night and no regression has come close how bad her sleep was prior to training.

My friends who didn't sleep train their babies still have their babies in bed with them at 3 years old with multiple wake ups. The ones with sleep trained babies, including us, have babies in their own beds with no or minimal wake ups.

It's not what the research shows. . . . At all. . . Sleep training works long term and they do not end up worse. How odd to claim that.

Mine (21mo) has been sleeping in his own bed since about 9 months old and sleeping through since 13 months (except when teething or ill) with no sleep training and is always responding at night when he wakes. It’s totally kid dependent.

I agree Ginny B, I was just disagreeing with the person who says all sleep trained kids end up worse later on. Some kids sleep through from a few weeks old, some need help and if they don't get it they remain in their parents bed. My poor pal now has a 4 year old in bed with her and her partner and they can't see a way out. . .
And for a few, sleep training just won't work, but that becomes apparent within a few days of trying.
It just so happens that me, my pals and my family fall into two camps of either sleep trained and sleeping in their own room, or not sleep trained and still in bed with parents aged 3+.