sleeping with your child

[jinna]

i have been sleeping with my baby since he was born - he is now 6 months. he is breastfeeding and so he has a quick drink when he wants- i told this to some friends and they made me feel that i was doing something wrong. the reason why he is in bed with me is that he is a very light sleeper and this is the only way i can guarantee some sleep and then am able to look after both my children . is there anyone else in the same situation

I slept with both of mine every night until they were around 8 months. Even now, if hubbie is away or even out late, I have them both in bed with me. I absolutely love snuggling up to them in the night.

oh I wish I could do that bells2, dd wriggles so much that sleep is virtually out of the question. she had a vomiting bug last week and came to sleep with me (dh on sofa ) but I think neither of us got much rest.

OUr nearly 6yo still sleeps with us. I never thought I'd see the day but, like Bells, when DH is away, I'd much prefer she was safely snuggled up to me than in her own room.

When he's home though the bed does get a bit crowded but if anyone's getting a bad night, there are four other beds and two sofas to move to!

Ds has co-slept with us since he was a tiny baby and even now usually joins us sometime in the night from his own bedroom (he's 3 now). We got a king-sized bed to give us all a bit more space and the early morning snuggles and monster games are priceless. If it makes all of you happy, there is nothing wrong with co-sleeping.

Am I the only one that has NEVER ever had any of my children in bed with me. I am a very selfish sleeper (and have to admit all three children of mine are very good sleepers) and I need a good night's kip and I would not get this if I had one, two or three kids in bed with me. I would never condemn anyone that does have their kids in with them, but for me it is just not right. Last night for the very first time, my DD2 (1 year old) was poorly with cough and cold but I never even thought of taking her into bed with me. Although she was awake until 12:45 am and I was in and out of her room countless times trying to settle her (she wouldn't let me, doesn't like it), it just didn't enter my mind for her to come into my bed. Perhaps if I had she would have fallen asleep sooner but I can't see it would have made much difference, but may be I am wrong there.

Bumblelion - we've never slept with our ds either. He's such a good sleeper (from a few weeks old) that we've never needed to. We've only had one sleepless and a couple of disturbed nights in the last 2 years! In fact, dh is a wee bit disappointed - he likes the idea of having ds snuggling up to us! (Instead, we have it every morning when we bring him through to have his morning milk)

I do that with my ds - when he wakes up (around 7am) I bring him into our room to have his milk while he's still in his sleeping bag. He soon wriggles away and wants to explore though so I don't get much of a cuddle

Was always a bit reluctant to have him in our bed when he was very young (he's 18 months now) because I didn't want to give up our duvet (and everything I read said babies shouldn't sleep under a duvet until 12 months) - he probably would have been fine under it, but it was just one of those paranoid mummy things you think of while your child is small. Now, on the very rare times he has been restless he thinks coming into our bed is time to play rather than sleep so it's counterproductive.

In some ways, I'm glad that he hasn't got into that habit - one less to break as he gets older! But also, I secretly would have liked the cuddles!!

I'm another one who has never had ds in our bed to sleep (except in the very early weeks, and I don't think that really counts)
I must confess to slightly mixed feelings too - the reason I don't do it is because I wouldn't sleep well, and I'm pretty sure that ds wouldn't either - he's another one who is up and away and not very keen on snuggles! He loves bouncing around on the bed in the morning though. I can imagine that it must be nice to be cuddled up together sleeping. But I really don't think there's any great moral issue about it - it never occurred to me that some people might think co-sleeping was 'wrong' or a 'bad thing' to do - or even that it might lead to psychological problems???!!!
If you like it, do it, if you don't, don't. Either way don't feel bad about it!!

Jinna, with my friends it is the norm. We have all had our babies in bed til at least 12 months and usually longer, but certainly til we stopped breastfeeding. My dd went to sleep in her cot in the evening but then came in with me from when she woke early. She's nearly 3 now and still comes in for a cuddle when she needs it like when she's ill.
Having her in bed and feeding her was much easier for ME. Plus she had the added comfort of being around me, knowing I was there. Building security was one of my main concerns with dd as I was on my own. I wanted her to know that although she may not have two main carers in her life, she had me whenever she needed me. I really believed co-sleeping helped, as being close and holding her, smelling that lovely baby smell all the time just helped our bonding I think... I'll definitely do it again with no.2 It annoys me that people think they have a right to judge people because it was once fashionable to put your baby in its own nursery. How many other mammals do you see sleeping away from their offspring (unless taken away by man) ??!
Oh, and sleep was something I knew I wouldn't be getting a lot of for a year or two anyway. Thank the lord for espresso makers!!

Likewise, it never occurred to me that some people might think NOT co-sleeping was 'wrong', or a 'bad thing', or might even might lead to psychological problems???!!!

Live and let live, that's what I say. We all work out what works best for our families.

I shudder with horror at the thought of sleeping with the sluglet. She crawls in her sleep and I would be constantly worried she would fall out of the bed or I would roll over abd squash her. Besides which, I like to snuggle up to dh and she would only get in the way of one of the few pure pleasures of my life.

sorry, last post sounds a bit preachy - should have put a smiley in to soften it

I agree Elliot - whatever works for you. I only started co-sleeping because I find I fell asleep whilst bf dd. I realised we were fine and both got a good nights sleep If she had slept all night in her carry cot I probably would never have had her in the bed as it had never occured to me that you could co-sleep.

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I found this discussion really helpful as we've lapsed into co-sleeping with my daughter who is 15 months fairly recently. We both work and she found it hard to settle right through the night. She sleeps some of the night in her cot in her room and the rest between us.

I had felt like a bad parent, but sleep is a major priority when you're at work for 8am and I think you have to find what works for you both as parents whilst trying to retain some sanity and space for yourselves (every now and then !!)

Thanks for all the comments. I feel less stressed out about this now !!