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Original poster

What age did you sleep train

64 replies

SassyPants87 · 17/02/2023 05:55

I’m honestly losing the will to live and my anxiety is through the roof with lack of sleep! DS has just turned 4 months and for the past two months his sleep is just AWFUL!! It’s takes us 3 hours to put him to sleep at night, he will wake two hours later for a feed and then he is up every damn hour of the night!! I am just FLOORED!!! He’s also waking our toddler up and I just cannot cope anymore!! Me and hubby are trying to split the nights but I can’t ever sleep hearing the baby crying and then toddler is being woken up too. He’s got a dummy but to be honest I think it’s made it so much more worse!! He’s so dependent on it. I’ve tried to go cold turkey but I end up giving in because it’s just hell on earth otherwise!

i’m 100% going to sleep train him but I don’t know if he’s too young yet. Can I ask at what age you sleep trained your little ones and what methods you used?

please no anti sleep trainers! I’m BROKEN and I will definitely be sleep training as we did it with my first (albeit a bit too late) and it saved my sanity although she was nothing like this!

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JumbledE · 17/02/2023 06:03

I’m so sorry you’re struggling so much, lack of sleep is absolutely dreadful! We did pick up put down with our 2nd DS at around 6 months and it worked well but as it’s more gentle it did take a few weeks! Took a lot of patience but it meant we didn’t have to leave him to cry so it suited us both well. DS also had a dummy until around the same time, but as you said I’m pretty sure it was causing more issues than comfort!!

I think the main thing is to be consistent with whatever you decide to do.

I hope you get some sleep soon!

Hollyhead · 17/02/2023 06:03

Op this sounds very hard, this won’t be the answer you want but I sleep trained at 12 months, with almost instant results.

For younger babies their naps are important for night time sleep, what’s his nap routine like?

Hollyhead · 17/02/2023 06:06

Also what sort of things have you tried? My older child as a vague had some really quite unorthodox sleep needs - he slept best in a room with hardcore drum and bass on! I think it helped him zone out!

Judgyjudgy · 17/02/2023 06:35

6 months minimum, sleep training is great. Can I please ask you do it properly and spend the money and get a sleep consultant, it will be the best money you ever spent. Please don't just google stuff and fumble through it

Original poster
SassyPants87 · 17/02/2023 08:23

Thank you for responses @Hollyhead he has about 3-4 naps a day and I make sure he has them after his appropriate wake windows. His naps last about 45 mins each which I’m told is fine. Just no idea what’s going on at bedtime! I’ve tried to put straight into cot awake, then drowsy, then fully asleep none of them work. Shushing and patting doesn’t work. He’ll even scream his head off if he’s being rocked. It takes a good 20 mins for him to calm down enough to actually sleep

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Original poster
SassyPants87 · 17/02/2023 08:24

@Judgyjudgy why 6 months minimum? I honestly cannot cope for another 2 months. I’ve just come out the other side of PPD not long ago and I’m worried this is going to tip me over again. I will definitely get a sleep consultant with him being quite young still but I honestly cannot do this anymore

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Isthisexpected · 17/02/2023 08:25

He's four months bloody hell. I haven't sleep trained and I think it should be a last resort from 6 months on. Are you playing white noise for yourself with ear plugs so you sleep when you're not on shift? Personally I'd be doing all I could before I stopped trying to meet my baby's very normal needs.

PurBal · 17/02/2023 08:27

6 months. Used a programme designed from 5 months. Will DM you.

MsCarrieBradshaw · 17/02/2023 08:33

We did it at 3.5 months. It worked really well and quickly for both children. They’re great sleepers now. We did controlled crying and used the Ferber timings.

PurBal · 17/02/2023 08:33

I wanted to add: my friends a nanny and I spoke to her a lot before deciding to sleep train. Her biggest bit of advice was “you really need to want to do it” it sounds like you are, but don’t go in half hearted. She also says she sleep trains from 12 weeks if that’s what the parents want.

3WildOnes · 17/02/2023 08:38

I started at 8 weeks. But that was a mixture of PUPD, stay and support and gradual retreat. I still fed in the night until a bit older.

Original poster
SassyPants87 · 17/02/2023 08:39

@Isthisexpected no it’s not normal behaviour insufficient sleep inhibits baby’s development and it’s not normal for hourly wake ups to occur. That’s all well and fine for myself but what to you propose I do with a toddler that keeps waking because of the crying?

OP posts:
Original poster
SassyPants87 · 17/02/2023 08:39

Thank you @PurBal I will have a read! And thank you everyone else for the helpful comments x

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TheAdorable · 17/02/2023 08:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

watchfulwishes · 17/02/2023 08:42

I won't post links because if you want to understand the science behind not sleep training young babies it is all readily available, but many infant specialists would say 4 months is too young for physical, emotional and mental development reasons.

I hear how exhausted you are, on the nights it is your DP's turn do you sleep?

TheRookieMum · 17/02/2023 08:43

The pick up put down method of sleep training is meant to be OK from 3 months. I had a similar cry for help post out just yesterday about my 4.5 month old and someone very kindly explained how they sleep trained using that method. Don't know how to link in the app but the thread title is about explaining the PUPD method like I'm an idiot.

We tried it last night and at first it looked like it was going to work, but then didn't and was a screaming disaster. Oddly though, once calmed and fed to sleep as normal (took slightly longer), my boy did 2-3 sleep cycles each time he went down overnight and only had 1 marathon 1.5 hour put down, so I feel a tiny bit more human today. We're first time parents though and learning too so will try again. I hope you have more luck & more sleep soon.

watchfulwishes · 17/02/2023 08:44

Could the crying be due to reflux or other? I would want to rule out any medical cause first.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 17/02/2023 08:48

45min naps don't seem long enough to me for that age, my DS is a couple of months older but his naps have always been 90-120mins. 45mins is one sleep cycle so he is waking but he shouldn't be, he needs to learn how to join the sleep cycles up.

What sleep comforters/associations have you got in his room? Music/light projector/comforter toy?

We sleep trained at 4 months just as DS came out the 3/4 month sleep regression and did PUPD, and prpbably not popular but controlled crying to give him a minute or 2 to settle himself before going back in. Took about a week.

Mummy2C · 17/02/2023 08:51

My LO woke up for months every hour during the night. We ended up finding out she had allergies. Maybe talk to your health visitor.

TheRookieMum · 17/02/2023 08:52

@Youcancallmeirrelevant, so your LO did 3 or 4 naps a day, all at 90 to 120 minutes?! That's a lot of daytime sleep - I thought they only needed 3 to 4ish hours total and the rest at night?

Was this before / during / after the sleep regression?

My 4mo DS has always done just 40 minute naps, usually with 1 longer one per day. How does / did your day look with such long naps?

Snugglemonkey · 17/02/2023 08:52

SassyPants87 · 17/02/2023 08:39

@Isthisexpected no it’s not normal behaviour insufficient sleep inhibits baby’s development and it’s not normal for hourly wake ups to occur. That’s all well and fine for myself but what to you propose I do with a toddler that keeps waking because of the crying?

My baby wakes roughly every hour. HV says it is normal.

Original poster
SassyPants87 · 17/02/2023 08:55

@watchfulwishes @Mummy2C he’s been sleeping absolutely fine the first 2/2.5 months of his life though so I don’t think it’s allergies. And he doesn’t show any signs of reflux or silent reflux. He drinks his milk happily and fine and is okay to go straight onto his back, doesn’t get hiccups, no arching of back or crying during or after feeds etc

OP posts:
Original poster
SassyPants87 · 17/02/2023 08:56

Snugglemonkey · 17/02/2023 08:52

My baby wakes roughly every hour. HV says it is normal.

Show quote history

Hourly wake ups are not normal it means they cannot connect their sleep cycles

OP posts:
tirednewmumm · 17/02/2023 08:56

SassyPants87 · 17/02/2023 08:24

@Judgyjudgy why 6 months minimum? I honestly cannot cope for another 2 months. I’ve just come out the other side of PPD not long ago and I’m worried this is going to tip me over again. I will definitely get a sleep consultant with him being quite young still but I honestly cannot do this anymore

They just don't have the capacity to learn it before then I'm afraid, proper sleep training as others mentioned is one thing, what you risk ar that age is just having them be distressed and raising their cortisol.
Google infant mental health the damage can be long term. No decent sleep trainer would work with you at that age I'm afraidSad
You have my absolute sympathy though lack of sleep is horrendous

Geranium1984 · 17/02/2023 09:22

Hi, omg sounds like my first DD. Up every hour of the night 😱
I did a few things gradually to move away from BF to sleep by shush patting while I was feeding, then gradually pulling the boob away just before he'd fall asleep so finish him off with shush pat, then I could shush pat him in the cot. At the same time I introduced a comforter toy blankie thing, got him to hold it during nappy changes, in the car, When feeding etc. When he got to 5.5mo I did sleep training and left him to fall asleep on his own, going in every 3 mins if he was crying. He started chewing on the comforter and it didn't take that long to fall asleep.
There were a couple of regressions in the following months and I was able to lie next to the cot, shush and pat the mattress which he would settle with.

I've now got a 3mo who does not like the cot but I'm starting to pop her in there for 15mins before her naps to get her used to it. Also to 'play" in there, tummy time etc so she's comfortable with the space. Can't wait to get her self settling.

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