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Original poster

Baby won’t settle, hard night

31 replies

tiredmama4am · 08/02/2023 04:21

I've never posted here before but looking for a bit of a hand hold/advice.

My 5 month old won’t settle and sleep anywhere other than on me, and I'm feeling so tired and hopeless right now. He won’t sleep in his next to me for more than 1 hour at the start of the night since about 12 weeks and bed sharing is hit and miss (clearly a miss tonight). He was doing lovely 5,6,7 hour stretches in his cot prior to 12 weeks.

I feel like this will never end and I’ll be sitting up with him all night forever. I don’t want to sleep train him but I don’t know what other options there are that are sustainable moving forward to help him sleep somewhere other than on me for at least part of the night. I've tried cosleeping, warming the mattress, sleeping with the sheets so they smell like me, white noise - nothing helps.

My hubby is doing shifts with me so we're coping at the moment, but I just feel like this will never end and I don't know how to move to him sleeping in his next to me again or at least co sleeping so I can fry and fry a little bit of sleep 😭😭😭

OP posts:
Donotgogentle · 08/02/2023 04:31

Not much advice op but lots of sympathy, it’s such a hard phase.

My only suggestion would be an interim step of co-sleeping and shush-patting your baby to sleep. Even when he cries, keep going and don’t let him sleep on you. It’s not sleep training, you would still be right there close to him and supporting him but it’s a step towards more sustainable sleeping arrangements for a 5 month baby.

elodiesmith · 08/02/2023 04:52

What are your reasons for not wanting to sleep train?
Best thing we did with my baby, trained at 5 months. He's now 7 months and sleeps 12 hours straight.

Hope it gets better for you Flowers

Pastorswife · 08/02/2023 05:22

Oh my goodness, are you me!? My 5-month-old has been waking and crying every two hours for the past few nights. No idea why. It’s torture. I feel like a zombie today and I don’t know how I’m going to function. Thankfully I only work 4 days per week and have Wednesdays off. But I also have a 4-year-old to take care of so… 😬

No advice, just solidarity!

BTW - we (very gently) sleep trained my DS and it worked a dream. Sleeping through the night by 3 months. Every single thing we’ve tried with DD hasn’t worked. In a month or two I’m doing Ferber method. I don’t know what else to do at this point.

Pastorswife · 08/02/2023 05:23

elodiesmith · 08/02/2023 04:52

What are your reasons for not wanting to sleep train?
Best thing we did with my baby, trained at 5 months. He's now 7 months and sleeps 12 hours straight.

Hope it gets better for you Flowers

Which method did you use if you don’t mind me asking?

MollyRover · 08/02/2023 05:27

Yep, going through exactly the same thing right now, dc2 was sleeping ok until just before Christmas and has been very up and down since then. At a very low point now. Help!!! Nearly 7 months and ebf, started on solids about a month ago. Nothing helps except feeding which obviously I can't be doing every hour.....

Original poster
tiredmama4am · 08/02/2023 05:51

Thanks everyone for all you're replies, appreciate it, and good to know that we're not the only ones dealing with this at the moment!

Something about 4am which always seems to be the hardest part of the night!

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredmama4am · 08/02/2023 05:53

Donotgogentle · 08/02/2023 04:31

Not much advice op but lots of sympathy, it’s such a hard phase.

My only suggestion would be an interim step of co-sleeping and shush-patting your baby to sleep. Even when he cries, keep going and don’t let him sleep on you. It’s not sleep training, you would still be right there close to him and supporting him but it’s a step towards more sustainable sleeping arrangements for a 5 month baby.

Thank you for you suggestion! I'll definitely give the shh-img and patting a go - especially for the first wake up of the night which feels like the one with the highest chance of success!

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredmama4am · 08/02/2023 05:59

elodiesmith · 08/02/2023 04:52

What are your reasons for not wanting to sleep train?
Best thing we did with my baby, trained at 5 months. He's now 7 months and sleeps 12 hours straight.

Hope it gets better for you Flowers

Thanks for your message.

I'm not totally against sleep training, but would lean towards to the gentler, more supportive methods with less crying, even if they take longer. For me personally I think I would find it incredibly stressful to have my baby crying and not pick them up or comfort them.

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredmama4am · 08/02/2023 06:01

Pastorswife · 08/02/2023 05:22

Oh my goodness, are you me!? My 5-month-old has been waking and crying every two hours for the past few nights. No idea why. It’s torture. I feel like a zombie today and I don’t know how I’m going to function. Thankfully I only work 4 days per week and have Wednesdays off. But I also have a 4-year-old to take care of so… 😬

No advice, just solidarity!

BTW - we (very gently) sleep trained my DS and it worked a dream. Sleeping through the night by 3 months. Every single thing we’ve tried with DD hasn’t worked. In a month or two I’m doing Ferber method. I don’t know what else to do at this point.

So sorry you're having trouble! It's so hard isn't it!

Can I ask what gentler methods you used to help your child sleep?

I hope things get better for you soon!

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredmama4am · 08/02/2023 06:03

MollyRover · 08/02/2023 05:27

Yep, going through exactly the same thing right now, dc2 was sleeping ok until just before Christmas and has been very up and down since then. At a very low point now. Help!!! Nearly 7 months and ebf, started on solids about a month ago. Nothing helps except feeding which obviously I can't be doing every hour.....

It's so hard isn't it! Will good LO take a dummy? My hubby gives ours a dummy and it sends him straight back to sleep and saves me having to feed him every time he wakes up - hasn't helped us with the only sleeping on us yet though.

OP posts:
Pastorswife · 08/02/2023 07:16

tiredmama4am · 08/02/2023 06:01

So sorry you're having trouble! It's so hard isn't it!

Can I ask what gentler methods you used to help your child sleep?

I hope things get better for you soon!

Show quote history

The baby sleep solution by suzy giordano. Worked like an absolute charm with my DS. Doesn’t seem to have made an iota of different with my DD.
Good luck! Next time you’re up at 4am, remember that I’m right there with you! 💪

MollyRover · 08/02/2023 07:40

@tiredmama4am we wanted to avoid the dummy this time around and don't want to introduce it at 7 months to be honest. Was self soothing with hand up until recently but has stopped unfortunately. We'll just have to cope I think. Hoping it's just a phase that's nearly over Confused

Original poster
tiredmama4am · 08/02/2023 08:15

@Pastorswife thanks I'll definitely take a look at that!

And thanks for the solidarity! It will get better right!

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredmama4am · 08/02/2023 08:17

@MollyRover a fair enough! My LO sucks his thumb during the day but can't seem to find it at night - I think if he can get it in a night it'll solve all our problems 😂

It's all a phase right!

OP posts:
elodiesmith · 08/02/2023 08:50

@Pastorswife we used modified Ferber method.
Check ins after a few mins just wound the baby up even more, so we gave it a good 10-15 mins before calmly talking to him and shushing and patting. Then walking out again.

He is now comfortable waking up and being in his cot for a bit, before as soon as he'd wake up and realise he's alone in a cot- he'd just scream..
now I see he will babble to himself in the cot, play with his dummy, then fall asleep. It's quite cute.

OP I also found the crying incredibly distressful (it would give me migraines), so husband did it. I left the house in the day, or at night I would go sit in the car. I get stressed quite easily (I have no chill Grin) so I understand. I still hate seeing him cry but thankfully it's not often now.
What encouraged me was seeing my baby actually waking up happy, and well rested. I could see he was leas cranky in the day. Good, uninterrupted sleep is good for his health.

Just like we teach them to use a spoon, or ride a bike, I needed to teach mine how to self soothe and get himself to sleep without crying and 'panicking'.

MissJam · 08/02/2023 22:14

Right there with you OP - my baby is 5 months on Monday and slept great 9-5 in his Moses basket right up until Christmas then it’s gone to pot.

I’ve cried more times than I can count on my hands in the last 3 days I’m completely done in.

Feels like there’s no hope of a routine anywhere because I’m most definitely not a morning person and so if we have a terrible sleep the idea of going back to bed at 6 after the millionth wake up to then get up at 7 to start a routine I simply cannot do 😂

I also have zero chill I can’t cope with him crying because it’s upsetting so I just go straight to him, instead of seeing what happens. I’m also worried if he cries too long he will be wide awake.

It’s hard work! I’m suffering with you and if I stumble across the magic solution I shall let you know! All the best! X

Pastorswife · 09/02/2023 05:33

elodiesmith · 08/02/2023 08:50

@Pastorswife we used modified Ferber method.
Check ins after a few mins just wound the baby up even more, so we gave it a good 10-15 mins before calmly talking to him and shushing and patting. Then walking out again.

He is now comfortable waking up and being in his cot for a bit, before as soon as he'd wake up and realise he's alone in a cot- he'd just scream..
now I see he will babble to himself in the cot, play with his dummy, then fall asleep. It's quite cute.

OP I also found the crying incredibly distressful (it would give me migraines), so husband did it. I left the house in the day, or at night I would go sit in the car. I get stressed quite easily (I have no chill Grin) so I understand. I still hate seeing him cry but thankfully it's not often now.
What encouraged me was seeing my baby actually waking up happy, and well rested. I could see he was leas cranky in the day. Good, uninterrupted sleep is good for his health.

Just like we teach them to use a spoon, or ride a bike, I needed to teach mine how to self soothe and get himself to sleep without crying and 'panicking'.

So helpful, thankyou for sharing! I will start once my DH returns from abroad this weekend.

Danni19012 · 10/02/2023 13:01

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MooMa83 · 11/02/2023 20:56

This sounds so hard OP! Will he settle co sleeping on his side facing you so he's in contact with you....then you could try gradually edging away and easing him onto his back? We found this helped with our DD.

Original poster
tiredmama4am · 11/02/2023 20:59

MooMa83 · 11/02/2023 20:56

This sounds so hard OP! Will he settle co sleeping on his side facing you so he's in contact with you....then you could try gradually edging away and easing him onto his back? We found this helped with our DD.

Thanks for the tip! He will settle on his side cosleeping but as soon as I try and roll him onto his back he wakes up, I know it's not safe for him to be on his side while cosleeping, but I've been tempted to leave him on his side just so I can get some sleep 🤷🏻‍♀️

Did you have any luck getting your little one to sleep in their cot/next to me in the end?

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredmama4am · 11/02/2023 21:04

Also, just curious but does anyone know if this need for proximity is more common with breastfed babies? My DS is breastfed and a few people have suggested that this is why he'll only sleep on me and their formula fed babies sleep beautifully through the night in their cots!

Wouldn't change to formula but just curious if this is a contributing factor?

OP posts:
MooMa83 · 11/02/2023 21:06

If I'm honest did have nights when I left DD to sleep on her side....I was so desperate at one stage when she would just not settle on her back. I weighed up the risks and was happy with doing that. It was either that or i wasn't able to safely function and look after my family. In answer to your question...yes she will settle in her next to me crib now for the first part of the night. After her first night feed (11ish) she'll usually go back in there. However when she wakes next, or if she doesn't settle, I'll usually end up co sleeping....but I find I can usually get a few decent chunks of sleep, even though she still wakes frequently. That's how it is at the moment though...could all change tomorrow!

MooMa83 · 11/02/2023 21:06

If I'm honest did have nights when I left DD to sleep on her side....I was so desperate at one stage when she would just not settle on her back. I weighed up the risks and was happy with doing that. It was either that or i wasn't able to safely function and look after my family. In answer to your question...yes she will settle in her next to me crib now for the first part of the night. After her first night feed (11ish) she'll usually go back in there. However when she wakes next, or if she doesn't settle, I'll usually end up co sleeping....but I find I can usually get a few decent chunks of sleep, even though she still wakes frequently. That's how it is at the moment though...could all change tomorrow!

Original poster
tiredmama4am · 11/02/2023 21:12

I feel I will end up doing this at some stage as he just wants to be facing my boobs on his side I think 😂

This is so encouraging and gives me hope! I would love it if he even did a few hours in his next to me and then cosleep for a bit, much more manageable! Can I ask what age your little one started to do stints in the next to me and how old they are now? Did you do anything to encourage it or they just started doing it by themselves?

OP posts:
OfMark87 · 11/02/2023 21:19

I think it can also just depend on the personality of the baby too.

My 5 yo DD was a horrendous sleeper, hated the Moses basket, hated the cot would only co sleep. No sleep training worked until 16 months and we took the side off her cot. She's an absolute dream at going to bed and has been for a long time x

My 8 month old DS was waking frequently and a little pat and shush and the dummy in and he happily puts himself to sleep now.

It will get better, probs still in the midst of the sleep regression. Sending hugs and plenty of coffee Flowers

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