4 year old and 6 year old sharing room

[Lazyi]

Hi there,

my kids share a room. They both have trouble falling asleep at night, so normally I sit with the little one while the big one is downstairs and the. Go over it all again with the big one. It’s taking all evening and everyone gets upset. Any tips or routeins I can follow to help? Have tried lots in the past, but either it takes so long with the little kid, that it’s too late for the big kid, or trying them both together leads to lots of tears. Help!!!

This is all great feedback, thank you. I appreciate the “tough love” too! Theses are the things they cry about, from most to least often:
they want me in their beds
they want me to cuddle them
the other one is annoying them
the other one is keeping them awake
their foot/back/bottom/finger/ left ear lobe hurts
they are tired
they don’t want to go to school tomorrow

You are right, I have enabled this behaviour by letting them in my bed or cuddling them to sleep. I would love to be able to cuddle them off to sleep in ten mins, but once I am in bed with them, it then takes ages for us to fall off to sleep as they wriggle, talk, play with my hair/breasts etc.

im going to use you advice. Love the magic sleep spray. Buy a bottle of that, fumigate the room and run!!

will report back tonight!!!?!

P.s. thanks again to all who took the time to reply. It’s going to really help me tonight when I’m feeling at a low ebb! You rock.

My 4&6yo share a room too and I still cuddle them to sleep.
Upstairs at 7, teeth etc, both in their beds by 7.20.
then 4yo normally has a cuddle until she’s sleep in my lap, lift back into bed.

then into 6yo bed for 5-10m and she’s asleep too. Sneak out 7.45-8ish job done.
youngest sleeps an extra hour in the morning, which I think is why same bedtime works.

mine are old enough to understand turn taking and being kind to each other, so generally it works. Generally….

I have a 6 and a 4 yo and a baby.
Of course they mess around a bit but ultimately no issue. They're in bed around 7h30 and read/listen to stories... not sure when they fall asleep but when I check around 8:30 they're both out for the count!

Boundaries are reassuring. You need adult time. Prepare a routine, explain it to them. They will protest but if, and only if, you stick to the boundaries (despite tears and shouts) you can sort this out in one week!

This.

I love my children but I remain the boss of the house. Past 7:45 it is adult time.

They are blackmailing you by saying that they want a cuddle or for you to be in their bed.

I promise you that they aren't going to feel unloved by being put to bed in their own bedroom by their own Mammy.

And what about what you want? Them to be in their beds asleep whilst you have some time on your sofa. It's not much to ask in life.

The rest of it is just nonsense.
A sore earlobe - I'll look at it tomorrow.
Sister keeping you awake - oh dear, I hope not. I'm glad you are doing the right thing and going to sleep.
Don't want to go to school tomorrow - you have to, it's the law of England. Nothing to do with me. (Blackadder)

I wouldn't start anything new until you are ready and willing to stick to it. Don't go at it half arsed.

Then tell them that things are going to be a bit different and what is going to happen. Then do a full bedtime routine and stay strong.

Really you are swapping your old bedtime routine/pantomime with a new bedtime routine.

Have you tried bribery?
Stickers for staying in bed.
Or get a multipack of sugary cereal and whoever goes to bed nicely gets to pick a pack of cocopops or honey nut loops for breakfast.
Make it competitive maybe - whoever falls asleep first gets a prize?

If you have an Alexa, try putting on lullabies or Amazon storytime for them to fall asleep to.

Is their dad living with you? If so maybe break the old cycles by you having an appointment/going to the gym every night between 7-8 and dad doing bedtime for a week.

I had your problem, OP, and mine did all of that. It's pretty typical. You just muddle through it and it'll be ok eventually. I found staying in their room but refusing to engage with them worked next after a while.

I have two non-sleepers as well and the biggest help for me is making sure they get enough exercise and time outdoors every day. It was pouring yesterday and we had a day indoors, and then my DH let them watch a video that scared them (unexpectedly but still, it was stupid just before bedtime) And... guess what... bedtime took forever and their night was disturbed by various wake ups.

We have a solid routine, both DC bath together and share a room. I read 2 stories and older DC can read on her own for longer if she wants. I sit in between their beds and wait for them to fall alseep. On days when they have been out and about with plenty of exercise they drop off in 5-10 mins, on days when they've been watching loads of tv or stuck in the house it can take 45mins.