Lack of sleep is ruining my life.

[numberthirtytwowindsorgardens]

My daughter has always been a rubbish sleeper. Now 10m, she's improved in that she no longer wakes every hour, but she wakes some time between three and four and doesn't go back to sleep. Bringing her into our bed doesn't work; she just screams. I've night weaned her; that didn't work either.

As a result of this, I no longer sleep. I go to bed around eight, wake some time between midnight and two, and that's me up for the day. I feel like shit all the time. My head hurts all the time, I cry at everything, I have no patience with my older child.

What do I do? I can't go on like this.

I'm in a similar boat but just gone back to work and as you can see I'm awake when ideally I wouldn't be 🙃
I agree with the tiredness vs depression - when I've slept well, I feel like a new person.
So unfortunately I don't have any advice, just solidarity. It helps me to fall asleep with my fave Tv show on in the background, just a thought x

Oh and something else that might help is relaxing herbal teas, if you get it into your milk for bedtime and naptime then it might make her, and you, sleep a little bit deeper.
I'd suggest camomile but do some research first.

I can't help with the baby, but regarding your insomnia even when baby is sleeping -
I have very disordered sleep and I've had CBT for a condition which touched on sleep and rest. It's important to create a distinction between the two. You need sleep for REM (dreams) but rest can be equally as important. Rest can sometimes lead to sleep but not always and by breaking that psychological link that the two are the same it can take the pressure off when you are lying there panicking about not being asleep (been there many times!)

Essentially for rest you need to meditate. That doesn't mean siting upright burning insense. It means focusing the mind and every time your mind wanders, you bring it back. Doing that isn't a sign of failure (oh my mind keeps wandering, I'm no good at this) the drawing back IS the meditation.
The best way to achieve this is the concentrate on something and there are loads of different recommendations but these are my two favourites -

1. River scene: imagine a field sloping down to a river lined with trees. Watch the river burbling along, how tall the trees are, the colour of the grass. Are there rocks in the river? Is the sun shining? Look at the scene in detail, and keep exploring. Look for tiny details your mind has put in. Birdsong? Molehills? Each time your brain goes somewhere else - do I need to put a wash on, god I haven't phoned the pharmacy - don't get annoyed just recognise it and go back to your countryside scene and start again with exploring. Do this for as long as you are able. To start with you might only manage a few minutes at a time. After a while you might manage twenty minutes. You might fall asleep.
2. The words round. This has a proper name but I can't remember it and I've simplified it anyway. Think of a word, any word. Jumper, for example. Now picture a jumper. Now we break down each letter. J. For the letter J you need to think, and think hard, about every word you can think of beginning with J. Each word you can think of (Jungle) you picture it in your mind. When you've run out of J words, you start with U. And so on. Every time your mind goes back to daily life or anxiety, recognise it and bring it back to Jumper.

That time and focus, in the dark with your eyes shut is so unbelievably restorative. It calms your brain down, allows your muscles to relax and stops that stress cycle of insomnia.
Really works for me.
Also, I'm 0% caffeine which had changed my life.

@Olivetreebutter , thanks so much for this. I will definitely try the words game. The thing is, I hate lying there in the dark unable to sleep - I know the thing about resting, but I find it so stressful and upsetting. I'd much rather get up and read a book or something. I tell myself it doesn't matter whether I sleep or not, but of course it does.

DD is at nursery today, so I've just had the first hour off I've had since she was born. Tried to sleep. Couldn't. Sat and cried instead. What a waste of a free hour.

Sorry you're struggling too, @Sleepyquest - hope you get some sleep tonight! I can't imagine how you're working at the same time.