2.5 year old will not stay in bed

[tiredmummy198]

Recently moved my 2.5 year old into their own bed as needed the cot for sibling. It was going well so far, however the past week they just will not stay in bed.

We have a good bedtime routine which has been the same since they were a baby, bath, story and bed. We then put them in bed, say good night and leave. They used to go straight to sleep but now it's taking hours to get them down. We go upstairs every 15 mins and put them back into bed but they get straight back up and scream the the stair gate to their room. As soon as we go up they stop crying and walk into bed themselves smirking. Last night we did this from 7pm until 10.30pm so they must be shattered.

Any ideas would be much appreciated.

It's new.
The novelty will soon get boring.
I wouldn't go in as much as he's now expecting you to.

Stay with them until thru go to sleep?

Try not to engage too much or make a fuss when you put them back to bed. Explain after the story that every time he gets up, he will be put back to bed, but there’ll be no fuss. Also, don’t rush straight up. Let him cry for a while. Ie. Don’t respond to his demands.

The smirk shows he’s testing you, rather than anxious.

Can you sit outside the room with a book? Just so he knows you are there but don't engage with any messing about.

Keep doing what your doing, which I know isn't the answer you were looking for. However I would look at naps during the day (if they have any) and what time they get up in a morning. We gave up with trying to put our 2.5y to bed any earlier than 8 recently as it was becoming a battle we read a book and cuddle for a bit. We always try and leave before he's asleep but sleepy enough to not get himself up.

Sit with them, on a chair in the room or by the door. Take a book and prepare to wait it out for long enough for them to fall asleep.
Be mentally prepared to put in the time, hours and hours, especially in the first week, but you have the upper hand because you can anticipate this and resign yourself beforehand to what is required.
The impression you need to give is relaxed boredom, without getting frustrated or cross.
If all else fails and you can't wait it out on a chair you could do the same by getting in the bed and wait till they fall asleep, the important thing is to show this is a boring time, no fun or chats or anything else that could be interpreted as worth staying awake for.

@ScarlettSing how long would you leave it each time? I find it really hard to listen to them cry, but I do think it's a protest not genuine upset

@Riverlee I think it's definitely a test as they stop crying as soon as I go up and are fine, asking for another story etc

How do they respond to charts? My daughter did this when we moved her to big bed and was then up for the day from about 4:30am 🥴. We have a gro clock and set the time she was allowed to come out of her room in the morning, she got a sticker on her chart for each successful day and then a reward after a week or so. She does absolutely love a chart though, I think my son will probably ignore this tactic!

[quote tiredmummy198]@Riverlee I think it's definitely a test as they stop crying as soon as I go up and are fine, asking for another story etc [/quote]
Don’t respond to their story requests. Put them to bed, but make it boring for them. A stiff ‘straight to bed’ at most.

@CloseYourMouthLynn we've been trying a star chart but don't think they get it. We are doing stars for teeth brushing, eating dinner and going to bed with stars achieved for the first 2 and not the going to bed.

@waterboats thank you I will try this. It's not always easy to be consistent as I also have a newborn who can't be left for hours and DH often has to work late.

We've had this recently and done out the other side of it. Same thing, had a great sleeper who went straight off in the cot with no fuss. Moved into the bed and she would just get up x1000.

We tried the rapid return thing for a few nights but it was vey stressful for us all with lots of crying and just not really very successful.

What we ended up doing was lying with her in the bed until she went to sleep. It felt like a step backward and it took a long time at first . However, the time for sleeping got shorter and eventually I could get up when she was not quite asleep and say I was going to the toilet/to switch off the light in the hall and she would stay lying there and drift off by herself.

Kept reducing the time spent lying with her, gradually, and We're now back to the stage where I can do bedtime routine, give her a kiss and walk out and she'll go off to sleep alone as she used to in the cot.

It's been a process of several months to get to this. She still has a bottle of milk when I go out so the next thing is to cut that out. But so far this has been the most manageable and peaceful way back to bedtime for us.

@Stellamar that sounds really positive and it does sound like a less stressful option (rather be laying there for an hour than to be up and down listening to crying). I wonder if it's partly jealousy / attention seeking due to the new baby and knowing they are not in bed yet.

I would imagine that the move from cot to bed would be unsettling anyway as cots are small / cosy with sides and beds are much bigger without sides and feel really vast when you're that small. Add into that the fact that there's a new baby to be jealous of / feel unseated by. It's probably quite a stressful time for them!

I would personally stay with them till they're asleep for a week or something then leave them for incrementally longer time stretches (say you're just going to the loo; don't say I'll be back in 5 minutes, I'll be back in 10 minutes etc).

I personally think 2½ is way too young for a star chart; they don't have the ability to think much outside the present at this age so some vague reward in the future is impossible to conceptualise.

If baby's not in bed I am sure it's because they are also feeling very left out!

@11stonesomething

My daughter went through this phase. She' stand at the gate to her room crying. She Would throw things over and then shout for them back. So we had to ignore as she was playing us. She's sometimes Fall asleep in the doorway at the gate and we would transfer her to bed.

If we went up she just kept going!

This is what's happening. Things being thrown over gate, I give them back and it happens again. It's so hard to ignore the crying but Im 99% sure it's all a game to them

I'm not sure it's a game if they are crying the whole time. The undesirable behaviour can be curbed by completely ignoring it or by taking their lead and keeping them feeling safe in the big bed till they manage it on their own. 2½ year olds don't manipulate in the way that adults do. 2½ year old is distressed / scared etc. when you're not there but then when you arrive becomes more cheerful. I think toddlers are just more honest with their emotions than anything.

Do they still nap? If so when? The bed might be a red hearing, especially as it started off well.

I agree with other posters it's a novelty atm. We had the same thing and we now have to
Sit in there for 15 mins till she nods
Off. I sit by the door so I can get out quietly when she's sleeping. It's rubbish because we used to just shut the door and leave and shed to straight sleep but it could be worse! Every time you take them back be silent and don't respond.

@AliceW89 they have about an hours nap a day. Do you think this could be causing it? Sometimes it can't be helped as they fall asleep in car / pushchair if we are out and about

This won't be popular advice, but it sounds like they're just not ready to be in a bed yet. Which is standard, you'd expect most littles to be in a cot til 3+. If I were you I'd get a second cot (gumtree tenner jobby) and leave the whole bed debacle for another year.

@MolliciousIntent thank you, we have thought of that. The only thing is they are nearly able to climb out, I caught them with one leg over the top so not sure if this would be dangerous for them