Toddler waking at 4.30am - help please!!

[Wonderlusst]

Our toddler turns 2 next month and has generally been a good sleeper but always an early riser. I can take 6am or even 5.45, but she’s recently started waking for the day at 4.30am. It’s been about 2 months now, and ruled out teething, illness etc.

I am at my wits end as we have tried EVERYTHING.

Her bedtime is 7pm, and she has a 1.5-2hr nap at 12.30.

We have tried:

• moving bedtime to 7.30pm (she still wakes at the same time)
• moving bedtime to 6.30pm
• cutting down naps
• changing time of naps
• controlled crying in the morning (doesn’t change anything, she just lies there crying)
• bringing her in to bed (awful, she just rolls around and pokes you)

We do each of these for 10 days / 2 weeks to create a pattern and give it some time to bed in but nothing is working.

I am pregnant, we both work full time and these early wake ups are killing me. Especially as she’s very tired when she wakes up and grumpy so clearly still needs the sleep!!

DD was (is) like this. She's 3 now. The only thing that worked for us was shorter naps - 45 mins only - and a later bedtime. She now goes to sleep at 9ish, last night was 9.20pm, then generally wakes at 7. No naps.

Some kids just don't need much sleep! I get so jealous of people with good sleepers!

It's hard isn't it @SummerRain41287. Even 3, nine hour days a week at nursery don't make a difference. She's very high energy too, so I can't even stick a film on in the day as she won't sit and watch it. I love her dearly, but oh my god I am tired.

This could be written about my child. He's 5, 6 next month and we are still having 5/6 am wake up calls. We have tried everything you have done. We have just accepted it and I am sure I will enjoy the payback when he's a teenager.

@Covidwoes yep, it's tough. Everyone told me when she was a baby not to worry, this will pass, once she's sleeping through the night you'll get your me time back. By the time she's asleep, I'm so exhausted, all I can do is climb into the bath and then straight to bed. Don't get me wrong, if I manage to fall asleep by 10am, I can just about cope with the 4:30/5am wake up. But if I fall asleep any later than that, I struggle. As pp just said, we'll get our payback once they're teenagers

@Covidwoes *10pm 🤦‍♀️

I'm in the same boat. Try not to rock it too much or I'll fall asleep 😴 DS is just one and wakes at 4 every morning. His dad is awake any time from 2/3am though so I think it's just the genetics. I have three older DC who slept perfectly but they have their dad and my lazy genes. None of that is helping but at least you're not alone!

A good sleeper, OP? What's one of those? Does your toddler only wake at 430? No advice but can your little one come and tell me little one the secret to longer sleeps or fewer wake ups? 17m old still wakes every 2.5-2hrs. Every. Single. Night. And hits out at dad and pushes him away and wrestles if dad tries to cuddle or settle at night so it's all on me.

Can I join the tired mum club?! 😭 I hate everyone who says this too shall pass. Yes we'll that as may be but it doesn't help now! Arghhh!

@Margo34 it will pass my son is six and he's been sleeping through at least 4 years😂😂 sorry probably shouldn't mess with a tired person

Between the ages of 1-2, DC average 11-14h of sleep/24h. 19:00-4:30 is 9.5h, so with a 1.5-2h nap she’s in the realms of normal, albeit the lower end. It might just be she is predisposed to an early start, but I think there is plenty you can do first before you throw in the towel. I’d either cut the nap down to 1h max or push bedtime later (or maybe even both). You’ll need to do this for a good 2-3 weeks consistently before deciding if it has or hasn’t made a difference - it’ll be a rough 2 weeks as her morning wake will be last to catch up, so it’ll likely get worse before it (hopefully) gets better.

Just seen you did try each thing for 2 weeks! Apologies for telling you the bleeding obvious then!

4.45 this morning here. I have to teach all day. I could cry! Sooo tired.

@Covidwoes

4.45 this morning here. I have to teach all day. I could cry! Sooo tired.

Solidarity to you, it’s awful isn’t it

Mine gave us a lie in until 5.30 but was up for an hour at 2am. Nothing was wrong with her! Just up!

Would it be out of the question to make bedtime a lot later? Say 8pm? Maybe she just doesn't need to sleep that long!

I swear they sense the pregnancy. Mine started doing this when I was about 5 months pregnant. It got a little better and now baby is here, it doesn't even bother me. I go to bed at 9pm every night.
Sometimes toddler wakes at 5:15 and sometimes it's 6:30. No rhyme nor reason for it!

So no advice here but just letting you know you aren't alone and hopefully it will pass for all our sakes

I really feel for you. My son woke at 4.30am every morning for nearly 2 years. I was at the point of cracking, vicious cycle of tiredness. In the end it only stopped when he stopped napping. His behaviour improved and I really enjoy my time with him now.

I’m in the same boat here. This morning was 4:20, I’m on day 4 of capping nap to an hour and pushing bedtime later but she’s waking very grumpy and is clearly tired. I’m hoping this works as I am also a very grumpy Mummy at that hour of the day!

My DC1 was still napping 2h at that age and no issues with bedtime but I currently have 21 month old DC2 who is down to 1h a day napping and is still hard to get down in the evening before 8.30-9! Sleeps till 7 though. So the opposite problem to you OP I guess..

I'd try a later bedtime (8-8.30) tbh. Also cut nap time down.

The problem with putting her down later is that she still wakes up at that time anyway. When she does wake up, she’s really upset and definitely still tired, she’s ready for a nap at about 9.30. She ideally needs another 90 mins or so then wakes up perky and fresh.

So it’s really a case of her being unable to get back to sleep at that time of the morning despite needing it.

@Wonderlusst we have the same issue too. She actually can't get back to sleep. It's not her fault really. Later bedtimes make it worse and she wakes even earlier! Sometimes there's just nothing we can do sadly.

So I just needed to come back here to give myself a virtual pat on the back as I managed to get my Duracell battery child back to sleep just now. She woke up around 4:20 saying she was wide awake and not going back to sleep. So instead of keeping the monitor on, I spoke to her through it and explained that I'm turning it off because it's the middle of the night and time to go back to sleep. She cried. She howled. She banged on the wall. She screamed at the top of lungs that mummy doesn't love her. At this point I nearly gave in because of course I love her and that pulled on my heart strings majorly. Then she started yawning. Loudly. Almost as though she was trying to make a point. And now 1.5 hours later, she's fast asleep. 1-0 to mama

Been there very recently. My 2 year old was frequently waking at 4.30-5ish. Only dropping the day nap completely and moving bedtime 30 mins later seemed to work but it took about a month to get into this routine. Now she will sleep until 6-6.30.

I honestly just used to go to sleep at 8.30-9pm, that way it's just shifting your sleep to adjust. Its not much fun though, I feel your pain.

Dd did this.
The threads are probably still on here and she's now 10.
Nothing worked but I noticed you said "I am so tired"
Does your husband help? I only ask because the only thing which made it bearable was that we shared the early mornings. So when you were up at 4.30 you knew you wouldn't be tomorrow.

Eventually as soon as she could, I used to leave a drink, some snacks and the ipad so she could just amuse herself until we woke up at a better time.

Now she is 10 she still wakes early and although not super bright she is extremely emotionally intelligent and excels at dance and sport as she has sooooo much energy.

Sounds like she could be going to bed too early esp if she's sleeping 1.5hrs in the day?

It can take a couple of weeks sometimes longer before you'd see a change ?

Ds goes to bed 8.30-9.00pm gets up at 6.00ish now which is ALOT better than 5am.

50 minutes later and she's wide awake. That's the last time I celebrate. 1-1

Sympathy OP - we had this for years with our oldest. I used to stagger into work at 9 feeling like I’d already done a full day. Absolutely dreadful, particularly when I was pregnant. Like yours there was no way he could come into bed with us unless we just resigned ourselves to no further sleep - far too wriggly and chatty. Still makes me shudder 20 years later.

I can confirm though that mine did end up going to Cambridge, so hold on to that ‘bright children don’t sleep much’ thought if it gets you through!