Sleep consultants - are they worth it?

[Sleepymama285]

Just that really...I have a completely wired/excitable 6 month old who is a shocker for sleep (both day and night). Thinking of sleep training as the sleep deprivation is getting increasingly tough but could do with some guidance on what approach to take. Just wondering if others have found sleep consultants to be worth the expense or if Dr Google can produce similar results?

@Namechange285 thanks very much for responding! I think we are going to go with a consultant - wish us luck!

Julia Fensom saved our lives, our little girl was exclusively breastfed, and when she was around 8 months we had reached breaking point. We were co-sleeping but she still used to wake up every 45 min throughout the night to breastfeed or be rocked. We had a session with Julia after which she made a plan for us. After just one night we got our littleun to sleep in her cot and only wake up twice a night. After 2 weeks she is now self settling and happy to sleep in her cot and only breastfeeding during the day. That session with Julia was so worth it!

No judgement intended to anyone who sleep trains, but do sleep consultants all just end up doing a variation on CIO/CC? Gradual retreat, Ferber, etc.

To me it seems like they (at least the Instagram sleep consultants) talk the talk with posts on routines, wake windows, etc but ultimately what they are getting their results from is telling you how to sleep train So it's that the CIO/CC that improves babies sleep, as opposed to all the fluff around it.

Is that right or am I oversimplifying?

@IvyM this sounds amazing! Can you share any key pointers from the session/plan??

Hi OP,

I didn't use one but I did a load of reading. Mainly the baby whisperer which explains babies sleep and how different 'characters' respond to different techniques. I found it mega helpful and I'm sure sleep consultants and books all follow a very similar formula so it's whether you want a quicker fix and the support of a person. I think it is hard to be confident in what you are doing so some really need that backup to say 'that's ok'.
My dd is now 12!!! But I remember her doing exactly what yours did and it was exhausting. She very quickly learned to fall asleep on her own with some help and has been a really good sleeper since. While some don't need loads of sleep, my dd was always really alert (in her first week she was staring at everything!) and actually she needed a lot of sleep.

From what you say I suspect you will be encouraged to teach your baby how to fall asleep on her own. Focus on night sleep and go for 7pm. Then work back from there. You may have to do a quick 4.30pm nap to keep them awake then until a proper bedtime. Are you currently weaning? That may cause a little disruption as she may be hungry but also some new foods may cause some discomfort etc.

Good luck op

A bit of both. Babies at 6 months I think will need some sleep training (if routines are followed from birth I think less training is involved. My dsis is a nanny and just followed what she would usually do with my niece from birth so no training was needed.) But I think there is no point doing sleep training without following a nap and feeding routine of some kind. It's a LOT harder to get an overtired baby to sleep and stay asleep!

No

@OmniumGatherum I think the main issues that were addressed were:

naps - baby should wake up anytime after 6, have a 45 min nap in the morning and a 2 hour nap in the afternoon, something to do with how they release sleep hormones- shouldn’t have any more naps after 5 pm

bed time - can go down after 6 pm, she usually does at 7 now, should be pit in her cot drowsy but still awake

breastfeeding - not to be breastfed during the night or just before bed to break the breastfeeding connection. We had some sleep feeds at the beginning, but we quickly realized I needed them more than her and dropped them altogether.

The main thing was that Julia came up with this schedule after listening to what we were doing, so all the above was tailored to baby’s age, sleep cycle ( my baby’s sleep cycle is 45 min but not all babies are the same) and former routine. For example at the beginning we were advised to put her to bed at 6pm because she was exhausted after all the months of waking up every hour.
She’s now going to bed at 7:30 pm and still wakes up twice a night, but goes back down after a quick pat. The most amazing thing is that she’ll will point towards her cot when tired, a month ago she would have cried the house down when put down in her cot. She’s like a new baby now that she’s no longer in that permanent state of exhaustion.

We used a remote one, I didn't find it super helpful, but we had unusual circumstances. It was basically the sleep training advice you can read online, she was mostly helpful for giving you the accountability so you stuck to it better, and for helping if baby had done something atypical that day and you weren't sure what to do (e.g. move nap earlier/wake them up from a late nap etc. etc.). It didn't actually work for us long term as we screwed baby up by giving him jet lag a few weeks later and I felt so guilty that I just fed him if he woke - but he 'only' was waking 2-3 times a night for 10 minutes, and went down awake at bedtime and naptime, so it wasn't too awful. I think if we hadn't had the jet lag, I would have said it was worth it, IF you're willing to do sleep training. It sounds like your baby has a lot of sleep associations (boob, constant movement, being held), so better to do it when she's young as they'll form new habits more easily.

Maybe the people who thought it was great could actually mention the ones they used as not everyone has done!

I would say 530 is a very early bedtime, when does she get up? Could you experiment with waking her up an hour later and putting her down at 800 so 530 becomes another nap? But to be honest, the real challenge seems to be all the associations, I don't think the timing is going to be the key issue.

I'd also like to reassure you - I was super diligent with sleep habits and having no associations as I am a poor sleeper myself and was terrified of having a bad sleeper, and to be honest, it didn't mean he slept through early - he was 12 months (yes, I know it could be worse). So part of me actually wishes I'd enjoyed the cuddles, co-sleeping, feeding to sleep etc a bit more as I tried never to do it, but actually it does pass, and you can do sleep training whenever you're ready to stop.

Previously been in similar position as you. Baby with severe reflux needed motion sleeping. Once reflux was under control baby was dependant upon sleep "crutch" of rocking or car/pram to get to sleep. Baby woke multiple times during night and only napped for 30 mins at a time.

Hired expensive sleep consultant who basically did two things 1. Set up process of weaning Baby off rocking, firstly by patting and shussing and then shussing. It wasnt exactly cry it out as you are with Baby whole time but did take up to 1hr of crying first time Baby was patted to sleep. Baby did eventually learn to self settle but lots and lots crying to get there

1. Improving sleep environment...white noise, sleepy bag, black out blinds, best nap gaps for age group etc

Did this help....yes massively...Baby's sleep improved...started napping for 1.5 hrs and sleeping better through night maybe only waking once or sometimes not at all. However for us this only lasted a relatively short period ...a few wks ...the next tooth or cold my LO would be knocked off and we would be effectively starting again. And repeat.

I went through a period of being obsessed with self settling...OK giving my LO a break if he was sick but as soon as he was better applying the sleep training guidelines until he cried himself to sleep. Frequently this could have been 30 mins plus of crying a night.

My LO would go phases of going down ok and phases of fighting sleep. He never really managed to stay asleep straight through much but maybe only waking.

One particularly bad night of over one hour of crying by him and some of me I thought I can't do this anymore.
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Our LO is now 2 yrs old and no longer self settles at all . He will only go to sleep by being told a story. He still wakes up once in the night but will go back to sleep if I'm on tje room . It's not ideal but it is manageable.

Some children are worse sleepers than others in the same way that some adults need more sleep than others. My LO is extremely active and needs a long wind down process before bed.

I'm glad I did use the consultant as I would have always been wondering was there some great secret i was missing....but there wasn't. Also she did give me lots of support in terms of nap timing room set up etc.

I have become more confident as as a mother I've realised that sometimes one size doesn't always fit all when it comes to sleep

Good luck I hope you find something that works for u

@IvyM thank you! So glad it's worked for you