First time mum - 5 day old DD

[Greeneyesbiglashes]

Hello,

I’d really like some advice as i’m struggling, i’m feeling pretty teary and i’m so tired. I think since I gave birth on Sunday i’ve had about 10 hours sleep in total which maybe is what is to be expected, Idk! My partner is great and we support each other.

The ‘routine’ we have so far is every 3.5 hours change nappy first and then feed her. She is bottle fed (number of different reasons please don’t give info on BF I really am not in a place to hear about it all right now). After bottle feeding she will cuddle with partner or I and then we will place her into either her moses basket/ sleephead (supervised)/ next to me cot (at bedtime).

In the mornings so after her feed around 6ish she tends to be chill and will cuddle and go to sleep when we place her in either cot/basket. Same in the follow on feeds up till the one around midnight. Following on from that, it is chaos and she literally doesn’t sleep the whole night. No amount of picking her up, walking round house, rocking will help. She just cries and cries. Until she has her feed around 3:30 where she will feed and then settle for 30 ish mins and then cry again until the next feed.

She is a sicky baby, but feeds well. She will usually drink 60-90ml of milk each time. We have reflux bottles which seems to help with the sickness I’ve noticed a decline in the sickness with these.

We have white noise machine too and dummies (which help during day she enjoys these).

Please can someone give me their advice? Are we leaving it too long to feed her? Should we maybe try every 2.5 hours instead and go from there? Like I said in the day she is absolutely fine, will sleep happily and will need to wake her up to feed after the 3.5 hours.

I know it’s only been 5 days but I am starting to really feel like i’m letting her down, my partner down and myself down. Please be gentle with me I am feeling sad.

Thank you very much

Oh OP, I feel you. The first few weeks were the worst, and I have a "good baby". Are you sure about the amount? At the start I was told about 30ml every 4ish hours. I would wake him when he didn't wake for it but he was always telling me. I would feed him whenever I thought he was asking for it, but not letting him go over 4 hours. And I'm echoing the make sure you wind for a decent amount of time.

It feels slow at first, but it definitely gets easier and before you know it, you're enjoying it and they're much more manageable. When we started to leave him sleep when he has a full tummy, he got so much better.

At least with bottle feeding, your other half can take some of the night feeds, which helps an abundance!

Are you using formula powder or ready made milks? As I found using ready made for the start was easier for us (although expensive) as we would have bottles upstairs for night feeds, open and use (so it was ready to feed straight away) and we would write the time opened on the lid and put in fridge. Therefore during the night, the milk was ready straight away, room temp. We would use the fridge bottles through the day when easier to warm up, no screaming baby at night.

We would also leave the bottles until the morning to wash up so could get back to sleep.

I also expressed at every feed I did including night. Once I cut that out and did a bigger one in the morning, I personally found that worked as I wasn't feeding and winding him, waiting for him to sleep again to then have to go and express!

Amazing you sound like you're doing so well!

It's a hugely new and tiring and confusing time of life but you get your reward for that in bucketloads when they smile, when they coo, when they walk, when they talk ... Xx

@probsouting hiya! I was told the exact same thing!! 30ml every 4ish hours! I do have to wake her sometimes but not often she usually starts to signal around 3 ish hours so been doing it every 3 now not 3.5 (4 at beginning) She is feeding roughly 75ml each feed now. She will have a couple mins break during and i’ll wind/burp her. It’s been working much better!

Yes you’re right re my partner taking some of it on with the feeds. This has been good for me for sure.

I have been doing the exact same as you, we have been using a bit of both, ready made ones and the ones through the machine. It’s been useful as she will take different temperatures then as well. Your tips about keeping it in the room though are really useful, thank you. I am going to do that tonight!!

Thanks again xx

@penjo thank you so much 🥺 all these tips have been so so useful. I am taking it hour by hour but I feel as if I am beginning to know what works for her best… and also how to make it easier for us too lol!
Thank you again xx

@Greeneyesbiglashes when we started to use a fresh bottle for every night feed, that was a saving grace so good luck! We didn’t have the prep machine at first or would have just used that. Once we bought that, everything felt easier (I know they’re not recommended but I weighed up pros and cons myself and felt happier getting it, only using the TT filters so hopefully no issues)

Good luck! Bouncing on the knee is brilliant for winding, too!

Congratulations!
You can definitely feed a ff baby on demand. Make up a bottle with 30mls and give her as much as she wants. If I remember correctly you can keep the same bottle and feed her again within an hour of making it, then Chuck and make a new one when she's hungry again. Don't be led by anything other than her cues at the moment.
Even if you aren't comfortable keeping the rest of the bottle just make up a small feed every time she seems like she's looking and offer it to her.
Best of luck! It gets easier :)

@probsouting I completely get that! Good to know it felt easier… I am feeling way more positive now. It’s great to read other’s experiences.

I’ll try the bouncing too!! Thanks

@Greeneyesbiglashes. Google hunger cues for babies and sleep cues, you need to follow them rather than a routine. It's pretty hard for a baby to having meals served 24/7 inside you via the placenta to going hours between feeds. They cry because they are feeling hunger for the first time and when we get really hungry it's not a nice feeling but they don't understand why they feel so bad.

Also keep an eye on naps. An over tired baby just refuses and fights naps and is miserable. Check www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-feeding-schedules/
There's loads of info on Google, there's another site I used but can't remember sorry. If you're not sleeping during baby's naps spend the time researching all about your baby's needs and development at each stage /month

We batch make 8 bottles each evening for the following day (UK) and keep in the fridge to feed on demand.

Your doing great! Chill a bit on the routine babies are strange things some thrive off it others reject it! Definitely go see your GP about the sickly baby.
I can say this as my first never slept and was sick constantly!!! She was bottle fed and we ended up demand feeding her so smaller amounts etc it was harder and bloody tough…especially when she promptly throw it back up again!! I just thought it was all normal! We struggled until she was around 8 weeks when we then got medication and whilst she still was sick etc it definitely helped! We also got referred to a consultant who gave us additional advice - which all helped much more so than the health visitor.
Only having a second baby who breastfed, slept & wasnt sick (all perfectly) that I can look back with my first and go doh it was bloody hard and I should have asked for help/advice sooner but I in my lack of sleep state just assumed it was what babies did…i was super organised and brought huge amounts of baby grows as my first was sick so much…it was weird second time around as she didn’t need to be changed after every feed!
My first is now 18! Still a bad sleeper and rubbish with food!

The first few weeks are so tiring. It’s exhausting - I don’t think anyone believes how bad it actually is until they experience it!

My biggest bit of advice would be to look for signs that she is hungry, rather than waiting to cry. Sometimes they are so subtle that you miss them and some babies cry really quickly. But usually you will see signs, her little tongue coming out, puckering her lips etc

As others have said, 3.5 hours is quite a gap. Although overnight, if she starts to sleep for longer than that I wouldn’t waken her, so long as she is feeding well in the day and gaining weight.

I think 3.5 hours between feeds is a bit long for a new born. If following babies lead isn’t comfortable for you (as many have suggested), I’d say try for feeds every two hours. And get baby out with the sunshine in morning and afternoon ( just small amounts) to get baby used to day time/night time. I struggled on day 5 too. I hope this thread gives you tips that help. Sleep is hard with newborns. It’s an enormous hurdle and there is no one way to navigate it. Read your options and try things out until you find what works for you

I also change nappies upon waking from naps and then again before the next nap not on a schedule. And obviously if they've pooped immediately. In the early weeks if their nappy felt full before the next nap I'd change it straight away. It reduced chances of nappy rash and a miserable baby. Get the nappies with a wet indicator line.

Atoll change the nappy these days at five months old if nappy feels full straight away even before next nap due.

And if she is sleeping in her basket, lie down and close your eyes.

Thank you very much everyone for your helpful tips and advice. I have followed her lead and she has started signaling she would like feeding every 3ish hours so have been doing that.

@Handsoffstrikesagain i’m very hormonal and feeling the baby blues hard so perhaps I am being a little bit over the top here but I was very upset for you to say the poor thing is probably starving hungry. I don’t know if you meant to be a bit off of or just trying to genuinely help. I can assure you she was not starving hungry and I would never starve my baby . She only has lost 5% of her weight and I was actually following the advice of my midwife with regards to the 3-4 hour feeding time so I was going with what I was advised. I went to the hospital for her check up on Friday where they weighed her and I told the midwife it was every 4 hours and explained that window was from starting the feed until the next one and she said it was absolutely fine and just go with the flow as it could change day by day. As you can see I am a new mum and was finding it very overwhelming, and still am. I genuinely hope I am just being a little tearful but it broke my heart to read that comment. I feel like a bit of a failure already but she wasn’t starving hungry 😢

I appreciate all the advice given, thanks again everyone.

Also thanks for everyone saying i’m doing really great that was definitely the pick up that I needed to read 💞

@Greeneyesbiglashes it was thoughtless of @Handsoffstrikesagain unfortunately mumsnet is very much like this, brilliant place for keyboard warriors hiding behind the screen saying things they'd never say face to face to a friend so please sweep her comments under a very plush rug Xx

You're doing well OP. The feeding is unlikely to be in a pattern just yet. It may be three ish hours now then an hour or half hour next feed. This is especially true during their growth spurts. Use www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/month-by-month/week-1.aspx. Plus other sites to keep up to speed on how to care for your fast changing baby.

My rule of thumb is wake up, nappy change, feed, new nappy before nap (if still dry leave it) nap. They sleep better with a fresh nappy always.

@Handsoffstrikesagain the thoughtless element was thinking how it would sound to a new mother who has asked for people in her original post to be gentle, not how it sounds to you but to someone sensitive.

@Handsoffstrikesagain my comment using the term keyboard warrior, refers to someone typing something without thinking of the wider impact on the receiving end. It's ironically having the same effect on you as did your phrase 'starving hungry' on OP.

I would definitely feed on demand. Ditch the idea of a ‘routine’ at 5 days old. Even 5 weeks old is too early for that. If you are very keen to implement a routine quite early then it’s best to do so in line with your baby’s natural cues, otherwise you’re fighting a pointless battle at this age. I think you’ve had some great advice on here - but in all honesty I think you need to also just accept that for the next few weeks you will be tired (within reason, just) and that tired is the new normal for quite a while. You will stress yourself out more by constantly trying to find ways to make things easier or try to get into a routine that often won’t just work - babies refuse to sleep for so many reasons and the best we can do is guess why! Adjusting is hard and it does get easier - but not anytime soon 🤷‍♀️ As others say you sound like a great new mum