1 month old waking after 40 minutes at night grunting

[notalwaysalondoner]

My little one is 1 month old and has started waking after 40 minutes at night from about 2am onwards. Previously he was sleeping fairly well and waking every 2-3 hours to feed then going to sleep after. Now he goes to sleep after his feed at about 2-3am then like clockwork 30 minutes later he starts grunting and squirming then this escalates into full blown crying by 40 minutes. He will calm down eventually if breastfed or carried around over my shoulder, and eventually go back to sleep, but the whole cycle just starts again and continues until morning, when we put him in the sling and he then drops into a longer sleep.

He’s exclusively breastfed and I don’t think had reflux as he’s quite contented during the day. I wish it was just grunting baby syndrome where he was still asleep but it always ends up with him crying and not being able to soothe himself. At first I thought it was wind due to the squirming but now I suspect it’s more related to sleep cycles due to the exact timing.

I tried giving him a dummy last night which helped him drop off quicker but he just lost it so it didn’t help me get any more sleep as the next cycle of squirming and crying just started again. He’s swaddled in a love to dream swaddle and I think gets enough daytime naps although tends to catnap in the morning unless in the sling or car and definitely seems happy to be awake longer than the recommended 60-90 minutes sometimes.

Does anyone have any advice as I’m essentially not sleeping from 2am onwards and despite going to bed early am going slightly potty as I’m not someone who drops straight off to sleep the second the baby does…

At 1 month old you might need to help baby keep the dummy in through the light sleep phase. But once in a deep sleep them dummy is meant to drop - that's when jaw muscles go slack.

When squirming, it might help if you place your hand, quite firmly, across baby's chest and torso. This helps calm and relax baby. At the same time keep dummy in. These are all methods of in-cot settling and much more preferable yo put the effort into settling baby without picking up and feeding, if possible.

Can you put the dummy back in immediately? Before he properly wakes up?

Thanks both, I did put the dummy back in several times last night and it meant we got to 90 minutes without me needing to pick him up, but I was awake the whole so not really a solution to my lack of sleep…! I’ll try soothing him in the cot too, I wasn’t sure when to start that as he’s so little. He did manage to go to sleep when awake in his cot last night at 10pm but that’s not the challenging period for us which is later in the night. I think basically his sleep cycles aren’t connecting as he’s having some tummy activity waking him up at that time.

@FATEdestiny would you wake him up from his very long late afternoon naps? I’ve read conflicting advice about waking them up after 2 hours vs leaving them for up to 4 hours at this stage.

He's still really little. Could be a growth spurt, he might be hungry and need to cluster feed? When mine did the same I'd get her straight into bed with me and nurse her laying down before she worked herself up too much. Once settled I'd move her back over. It soon passed and she's now back to sleeping longer stretches (now 17 weeks).

He’s definitely having a growth spurt as he’s feeding for up to an hour in the daytime, but when I offer him the breast at these early morning wakings he’s only eating for maybe 5 minutes and bobbing on and off the breast so I don’t think hunger is the key driver. Guess I’ll just have to muddle through and hope he goes back to sleeping bigger chunks. He just did a 2.5 hour nap in his sling so I’m pretty confident he’s getting enough day sleep. I think we’re going to try waking him if he does a long sleep from 4pm by having a bath at 6pm to remind him it’s not nighttime yet…!

I'm sorry but my LO was like this at times. Keep persevering with dummy. Another thing I used to do at the that age was hold lo until into next cycle and then pop in cot and used to sleep bit longer... Long term I know not practical but may get you some sleep.

Also go to bed early. I used to be asleep at 730pm at that age. While oh had the evening shift.

Don't wake a baby at that age, let them sleep as long as they want and lo will settle into days and nights.

FATEdestinywould you wake him up from his very long late afternoon naps? I’ve read conflicting advice about waking them up after 2 hours vs leaving them for up to 4 hours at this stage.

At 1 month old (and for several months to come) I would not wake baby from any sleep, at all. More sleep over 24h is always better.

So no, just leave baby to sleep regardless of the time of day.

The distinction from night/day comes from awake time, not sleep length. No awake time (outside of feeding) at night. Wake, feed, sleep. Whereas day time cycles will be wake, feed, floor time / awake time, sleep.

If he's not that hungry at night it sounds like the dummy is the way forward.

I remember the period before they could find their own dummy immensely tedious. It's only a few months but your life seems to become 99% putting the dummy back in.

We clipped it to his sleep bag, and it is amazing how early they do start to figure out it's there. Once they start to put it into their own mouths at night, it's a game changer, but unfortunately he's a long way off that yet.

It's still handy for you if you clip it on, as it doesn't go rolling to a far corner of the cot.

He’s one month old and everything you describe is entirely normal I’m afraid. They go through weeks/months of sleeping terribly but then it gets better again

I’d love to just wake, feed, sleep at night but that’s the issue - I think it was triggered by tummy ache last week but last night was definitely just wide awake. He was cooing away in his cot and smiling when I changed his nappy (poop). He was ok in his cot wide awake for quite a while but eventually started crying. Then we did another 40 minutes sleep. I just don’t know how to get him back to realising it’s night time - he can do long sleeps, he slept 10pm-2am so it’s not impossible… and he’s getting lots of day sleep.

I’m not quite clear on what the benefit of the dummy is… if he’s just spitting it out within seconds what is the point in me sitting there trying to stuff it back in? Or is that more useful for when he’s very nearly asleep?

If he was grunting and then you had to change a poo, maybe that's the problem. Maybe that's just the time he's hosen to try and do a poo.
Grunting would usually indicate reflux and if he is always sleeping upright in the sling during the day, it's probably not as bad as lying flat at night in the cot.

This just sounds like normal growth spurt cluster feeds.

Both mine did it. I got a good box set going for night feeds. I also fed lying down with my second so at least I was resting.

I'd have a good nap with baby in the late afternoon too.

Do you have a partner? I'd also get to about 5am before kicking DH awake and he'd take baby for a cuddle. He'd slept through the night and had to be up for work anyway so it was fine for him to do early mornings while I slept a bit more.

This is a phase and it won't last forever.

Sounds normal. They will get used to day and night I promise. When lo is sleeping in day sleep yourself. Don't worry about housework etc. Just feed urself or even better make a pack lunch. Eat sleep repeat.

Dummys are handy for future not just now, it's used to self settle I can pop little one in cot, and she goes sleep as long as has dummy. I may have to pop in once or twice pop dummy in. I also use it to signify its nap time. Pop dummy in tap when sleeping in pram and off she goes 🤷🏼‍♀️

A way I kind of did to help lo relise it was daytime etc. In morning open curtains all bubbly got her dressed. Then bedtime bath, lower tones, darkness.... Though I dont know if it helped 🤷🏼‍♀️ psychological it helped me 😂

@notalwaysalondoner you've over-thinking the night/day thing. In these first 3 or 4 months, just "be", there's no need to give too much thought to sleep routine. So much will change, so frequently that there is no point in worrying - because whatever you do, everything could well be completely different in a weeks time anyway.

The dummy is a tool for self-comforting. It's the simplest no-tears way for baby to self-comfort in an independent way. All other no-tears comfort mechanisms are parent-dependent (feeding to sleep, rocking, holding etc).

But again, no need to over-think any comforting mechanism at 1 month old. Until at least 3 months, just do whatever works. A dummy becomes much more useful in an older baby, but the best time to established one is 2-8 weeks.

He’s just spitting out the dummy - should I try a different design? He only keeps it in if he’s almost asleep and I hold it in for quite a while, and half the time I wake him up more trying to put it in… he was definitely in pain again last night with wind or poop (didn’t poop until 1030am though). But weirdly the straining stopped the moment we announced it was morning and started playing with him etc. I wonder if he relaxed and stopped straining. It was a little longer last night before he started crying, but I still couldn’t sleep due to all the noise - I’m tempted to move the cot to the other side of the room (it’s next to me right now) but he’s so little plus it would be very frustrating when I’m putting him down then picking him up five minutes later for him to be so far away. Last night was worse in a way though as he ate at 9pm then again at 1am but I didn’t get to bed until 10 then tried a dream feed at 11 but it didn’t work, he wouldn’t wake up. So I only really slept 10-11 then 1130-1. It’s not enough!

My DH has been brilliant and taken him every morning from 0700-0900 so I can sleep and again in the evening so I can go to bed early.

I’m having the same issue with my 4 week old. she has been grunting and squirming in her sleep. She is so loud, regularly wakes up crying and squirming. She is breast fed. It’s very hard to burp her, she wriggles and fights against it but I persevere. She has two or more episodes a day where she has loads and loads of trumps which is what I think is causing the grunty time. She wakes up constantly during the day and night if our down. It’s hard to get her to have any sleep at all. I just don’t really know what I can do to firstly make her more comfortable and secondly get her to sleep. Everyone suggested more burping during and after feeds. The issue is I nurse her to sleep, she needs burping, is wide awake then and won’t settle without being nursed again. The lack of any sleep is really getting to me, she will sleep on me or in a sling, but then I can’t sleep. Partner does what he can to help me but coz she demands to be fed constantly there’s isn’t really much he can do to help me settle and feed her at the moment. She also is still pooping after every feed, and as she feeds constantly we also dealing with constant poopy nappies. I’m seriously considering giving us breast feeding. I’m having multiple issues and problems with breast feeding x

@ExcitingTimes2021 I feel you, I just don’t know if burping helps at all, I’ve been told if they don’t burp within 1-2 minutes they won’t burp and also that you need to keep going for as long as it takes… who knows?! Mine is almost impossible to burp at night for some reason, does it quickly in the day. And like you it wakes him up trying to burp him. This morning i haven’t been able to put him down even for 30 minutes as he’s just started squirming and crying and being uncomfortable within minutes of being put down so I’ve been sat with him on my chest since 430… it’s just so frustrating as he doesn’t squirm and cry like this at all in the day

I am sat cuddling 3rd baby who is 7 weeks old and has just had an 8.5 hour sleep.

For the first couple of weeks she fed constantly through the night and nearly broke me. Then she started the grunting thing which we'd never had with the others. Would only sleep on one of us. I'd spend half the night trying and failing to wind her. I then found tucking her up into a ball with her knees in her tummy, holding her quite tight and then patting. At that point she still grunted but slept through it (white noise is great for a. Setting sleep environment b. Helping you sleep through the noise).

Now at 7 weeks she is barely grunting.

This is the first time we've used a dummy. Others refused but this time I was more insistent. Its the best thing ever. I don't use it for night times but for settling her when she's overfeeding (sucks for comfort but then sicks up every single mouthful) or to calm her if I can't feed her or so DH can take her. Am going to have to decide if I use it as a sleep aid as am worried about spending my life putting it back.

(Back in a minute, toddlers are waking).

So... I don't think I've done anyrhing that has 'worked' and if 3 kids has taught be anything its that all kids are totally different and you never really know what you're doing, you just learn some new tricks to try. Most of it is luck (sorry). Also, I think her 8 hour stretches at this age are very unusual so please don't aim for it (my son certainly never did this and although my first DD did, her 4 month sleep regression was horrific).

First thought is I think its a bit early for sleep cycles. Don't these kick in about 4 months which is why the 4 month sleep regression is so grim (already dreading that).

Secondly... you have my absolute sympathy. This stage is brutal. I'd be waking DH up at 5/6am, not 7am. But it will pass (and there was nothing magical we did).

I still haven't started a proper routine yet as I haven't needed to. This baby sleeps a lot naturally. In the early days I was panicking and waking to feed her through the day. But I've stopped that and I let her sleep and eat when she wants. With a 2 yr old and 4 yr old she spends a lot of time in the car etc and just has to slot around. When I do start a routine I will focus on maximum awake times, as I've found with my other 2 that they are the most critical thing to successful naps.

I have put in a bedtime routine though, where we bath (started at 8.30pm but last night was 7.45pm), jammies, dim lights and then feed until she sleeps. Originally she wouldn't sleep til 11ish (and then I would sit with her for 15-30mins to make sure she had definitely settled and give her milk a chance to go down). Whether this has helped with the long stretches at night I don't know. But I do know I made the mistake of bringing forward DC2s bedtime too quickly cos I wanted my evenings back and it backfired massively.

Lastly, are you keeping baby upright for a bit after their feed. I find an absolute minimum of 10 minutes but generally 20 minutes when they are small helped.

If a baby doesn't burp within 1 to 2 minutes they won't?? Some babies don't need to burp my friends one was like that but from what I read it's not the "norm" but then again in other countries they don't burp so who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️. At night they take a lot less air in so less likely to burp..

My LO was like that. She always had a burp in there. Look up some tips to get rid of that burp. I found laying my LO down, changing nappy moved it around enough for a burp. I tried hanging monkey. Think that's what it is called. Sometimes as pp said I had to hold her upright over my shoulder for quite a bit of time. My LO had reflux, and that's what I did. Gripe water did help somewhat some swear by infacol maybe a chat with GP could be relux?? And a dummy will help with refulx

Thinking about it gripe water lo may be to young for it. May be OK for infacol? Think GP best point of call

Oh and another one I did every night without fail massage of belly and legs helped - well appeared too for me. Think it may be an idea to split shifts with your partner in evening he does it and you go sleep and then early morning that's ur turn. How me and DP did it. I was asleep by 730 in the early days 🤷🏼‍♀️ not much has changed since 6 months still asleep by 9/930 😂

@notalwaysalondoner yes. Last night was the worst night so far. I started trying to get her to sleep at 10.30. The longest she went down for was at the beginning of the night which was just 45 minutes and I had just started nodding off when she started grunting then crying. Gave up at 3.30 and let her in my bed again but even that didn’t help. She has hardly napped today so that means I haven’t slept either. I don’t know how to continue any more. Everyone says sleep when she sleeps but she won’t fucking sleep long enough for me to sleep. The only times she will sleep well is when she is on me. And that is on me alone, pass her to partner and she is screaming within 20mins. It’s making me really hate being a mum and I’m only 4 weeks In. I’m just not cut out for this lack of sleep, nothing but tears all day today. X

Totally normal. Babies have 40-45 minute sleep cycles. When they are newborn, they are so sleepy, they get past their light sleep and go back to sleep. Then they get a bit older and they can get themselves back to sleep when they wake up during a sleep cycle.

At that age, don't start cutting his naps down. Just do what it takes to get him back to sleep whether that be feeding, rocking or whatever. Or just give up and co-sleep for that latter part of the night. It will pass.