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Should I stop letting my baby sleep on me?

37 replies

Cherrytree1621 · 26/05/2021 13:38

During the day my baby will only have long naps on me, if he's put in his pram, moses basket etc he will only sleep 40 minutes, if I leave him to see if he will go back to sleep he will just start screaming. He's almost 4 months.
At night he sleeps right through till morning in his moses basket (touch wood)

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stopchewingeverything · 26/05/2021 13:41

I used to do this....I would have a couple of short naps in his crib/pram but one longer one on me usually early afternoon. I loved it. Gave me the break I needed. They are only this little once so I would say enjoy it! Mine grew out of it and started doing longer naps in his crib around 7 months.

NavigatingAdolescence · 26/05/2021 13:52

Nooooo. You’ve no idea how you’ll miss those naps when he’s 10. Sad

FATEdestiny · 26/05/2021 13:59

Should I stop letting my baby sleep on me?

Your child will likely need daytime nap until around 3 years old. If you are happy with these to always be on you, then there is no problem. If you will want cot naps in the future, the earlier you establish them the easier it is for baby to adapt.

Cherrytree1621 · 26/05/2021 14:06

@FATEdestiny

Should I stop letting my baby sleep on me?

Your child will likely need daytime nap until around 3 years old. If you are happy with these to always be on you, then there is no problem. If you will want cot naps in the future, the earlier you establish them the easier it is for baby to adapt.

Any tips on how to get him to sleep longer? He has a dummy but as soon as he's put in the cot he screams, I pat him till he calms down and he will usually fall asleep but only for 40 minutes. Yesterday he woke up after 40 minutes, I tried to calm him to go back down but I gave up with the screaming and 5 minutes later he was asleep on me. Its difficult to put him down most of the week as my partner works from home but takes phone calls all day so I can't leave him to cry or put him upstairs in the cot so sleeps in the pram.
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FATEdestiny · 26/05/2021 16:22

Will he go to sleep in the pram?

Not going out with the pram. I mean parking it somewhere in the house and pushing it back and forth on the spot?

Cherrytree1621 · 26/05/2021 16:32

@FATEdestiny yes he will go to sleep in the pram but again will wake up after 40 minutes and won't go back down even if I start to rock the pram again. So I don't really know what else I can do.

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NavigatingAdolescence · 26/05/2021 16:50

@FATEdestiny

Should I stop letting my baby sleep on me?

Your child will likely need daytime nap until around 3 years old. If you are happy with these to always be on you, then there is no problem. If you will want cot naps in the future, the earlier you establish them the easier it is for baby to adapt.

This is so sad. It’s a bit like saying “your baby will be an adult one day - get them cooking their own dinner by 6 months or they never will”.
kerosene20 · 26/05/2021 16:52

Ahh I loved these naps on the sofa watching tv cuddled into them! I did them all of may leave when we didn’t need to be anywhere. He also napped perfectly in the cot too. Enjoy them!’

FATEdestiny · 26/05/2021 16:55

40 minutes is one sleep cycle. At 3-4 months your baby is just coming out of the fourth trimester phase (when sleep is passive) and progressing towards sleep cycles.

Linking sleep cycles independently is a skill, so it needs to be taught and learnt. It's not an easy progression for most babies. But now (at the end of fourth trimester) is the best time to learn.

Baby can't learn to link sleep cycles independently unless sleeping independently. So the first step is baby going to sleep in the place they stay asleep. So going from awake to asleep in the pram/cot, rather than going to sleep in your arms and then being put down already asleep.

The dummy will make that process much easier. As will going to sleep in something that moves (like pram or bouncer).

Once baby is then going to sleep independently, practice resetting. The key to a successful resettle is that baby goes from deep sleep to light sleep and back into a deep sleep. If baby actually wakes up after the light sleep, you've missed your chance and it's too late.

So catch baby going into a light sleep and respond. This might be a very slight "tell". An arm or leg moving, shift in position, face screwing up, hands forming a fist. Catch this very first sign and reinsert dummy and restart moving the pram. You may not get a successful resettle every time, but the more you practice the more times it will be successful. Over time more and more naps will get a successful resettle and then on from that more and more naps will extend into a second sleep cycle without you needing to resettle at all. Only then, once naps are consistantly longer and no resettles are needed, would I move to the static cots.

In the mean-time, many/most of baby's independant naps will be only one sleep cycle. This is ok and normal for this stage. Just reduce awake time between naps so that baby has more naps per day.

Cherrytree1621 · 26/05/2021 17:27

@NavigatingAdolescence
Do you have any suggestions or should I just let him nap on me?

@FATEdestiny would letting him sleep in the pram constantly not make it worse at night if he woke up, he's a big baby and has almost out grew his moses basket. I don't want the sleeping on me developing into something he needs at night, I already struggle with sleeping as it is.

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Biscoffin · 26/05/2021 17:33

My little one napped on me until I return to work following maternity leave, when he was about 15 months old. I only work three mornings a week, and then I work around his naps and bed time. When he naps now (23 months), he naps in his cot and is generally a good sleeper.

It’s up to you how you want to proceed, but I thought I’d give you an example of how it worked for us.

FATEdestiny · 26/05/2021 17:49

would letting him sleep in the pram constantly not make it worse at night if he woke up, he's a big baby and has almost out grew his moses basket. I don't want the sleeping on me developing into something he needs at night, I already struggle with sleeping as it is.

No, shouldn't do. Learning to fall asleep independent of you will help his cot sleeping much more than sleeping in your arms will.

If you're moving on from the Moses basket, consider a sidecar cot. This is a full sized cot with one side removed and butted up to your bed. Makes it much easier for you to settle/resettle baby in the cot - which is essential for independant sleep.

Cherrytree1621 · 26/05/2021 18:27

@FATEdestiny thank you for your advice, will use the pram for nap times then. Do you have any advice about putting him down for the night? He will sometimes fall asleep during his bottle and will stay asleep when put down, though when he doesn't fall asleep mid bottle he will either fall asleep on his own or will scream. I've managed to get him to sleep by patting and shushing but will wake again screaming after 10 minutes then will fall asleep again by patting and shushing. Shall I just continue with that?

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FATEdestiny · 26/05/2021 18:33

The idea is to put baby down awake, so he goes to sleep in the cot. Rather than falling asleep feeding then being put down already asleep.

Are you using a dummy?
A sidecar cot will definately help with in-cot settling. It means that you can cuddle into baby, but then extract yourself once baby is asleep without moving baby.

Amammai · 26/05/2021 18:37

I’d just enjoy it, especially if he’s sleeping well at night. I read once that maybe babies sleep well on us not just for them, but also to make us rest too! And I really think it’s true! It makes you put your feet up and rest! I found with my DS that from around 7 months ish he’s link his sleep cycles better and nap in his cot. I then often missed though sleepy cuddles! He won’t do it forever.

Nahhh · 26/05/2021 18:46

My son napped on me until he was 3.5 and I was too hugely pregnant with twins to let him lie on me anymore 😂 To be honest I treasure those memories when he was so small and snuggled

Cherrytree1621 · 26/05/2021 19:12

@FATEdestiny Yes he has a dummy but will scream through it for a while if it falls out I put it back in his mouth, then eventually drift off with patting and shushing.

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iamverytired · 26/05/2021 19:13

Still napping on me at 8 months. I don't have the heart to try putting him in his cot when I don't really have anything better to do with my time anyway

Cherrytree1621 · 26/05/2021 19:32

@iamverytired

Still napping on me at 8 months. I don't have the heart to try putting him in his cot when I don't really have anything better to do with my time anyway
Unfortunately I have a 5 year old to entertain so I want to try and break the cycle of sleeping on me
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MindyStClaire · 26/05/2021 19:37

A few thoughts from my huge sample of two Grin

DD1 only napped on me at this age and was a terrible sleeper in general for the first seven months. She's great now at 3 and has been for ages, so I wouldn't worry too much at this stage.

Both of mine had a development in their sleep around 6 months where they started to prefer a dark still room for their naps. No more naps on me for DD1, no more naps in the living room with the TV on for DD2. So you may find he just naturally grows out of it shortly.

DD2 is ten months and still frequently wakes after that first 40 minutes, although she's getting better at linking those cycles now. Can you pick him up when he wakes, cuddle him until he's back asleep and then put him down when he's fast asleep (arm drop test)?

Carbis · 26/05/2021 19:37

Awww he’s still tiny! I remember asking the same question when mine was a similar age because the in-laws kept telling me I was making a rod for my own back. After about 6 months, mine started napping longer in the cot so I needn’t have worried. As other posters have said, I’d just enjoy the cuddles and a sit down!

FATEdestiny · 26/05/2021 19:48

[quote Cherrytree1621]@FATEdestiny Yes he has a dummy but will scream through it for a while if it falls out I put it back in his mouth, then eventually drift off with patting and shushing.[/quote]
Keep going with this.

Make sure he actively takes the dummy, rather than just passively putting it in his mouth. Think along the lines of getting a good breastfeeding latch and use similar techniques. For example tickle cheek or top lip with dummy teat so he reaches for it with his mouth. Aim the teach upwards in his mouth to trigger the suck reflex.

Once he's taken the dummy in an active way, tapping the outside encourages sucking. Basically you want to work on baby actively sucking on the dummy, rather than it just sitting passively in his mouth. It's physically impossible to cry while simultaneously sucking, so you want him sucking.

So active sucking should quiet the crying. Then keep the patting going to calm to sleep.

Cherrytree1621 · 26/05/2021 20:03

@MindyStClaire

A few thoughts from my huge sample of two Grin

DD1 only napped on me at this age and was a terrible sleeper in general for the first seven months. She's great now at 3 and has been for ages, so I wouldn't worry too much at this stage.

Both of mine had a development in their sleep around 6 months where they started to prefer a dark still room for their naps. No more naps on me for DD1, no more naps in the living room with the TV on for DD2. So you may find he just naturally grows out of it shortly.

DD2 is ten months and still frequently wakes after that first 40 minutes, although she's getting better at linking those cycles now. Can you pick him up when he wakes, cuddle him until he's back asleep and then put him down when he's fast asleep (arm drop test)?

Thank you for sharing your experiences. My eldest was a good sleeper, slept anywhere, anytime he still is and thankfully will sleep through any screaming by his brother. I have tried the arm drop test and no matter how long he's been asleep for he will always wake up
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Cherrytree1621 · 26/05/2021 20:14

@FATEdestiny
Thank you for all your advice, will keep trying with the dummy, he will eventually take it when he calms down and will suck on it during his sleep and will take it back in the morning when he stirs for a bit then eventually goes back into a deeper sleep

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firstimemamma · 26/05/2021 20:21

"If you will want cot naps in the future, the earlier you establish them the easier it is for baby to adapt."

This is the general message put out by health visitors etc but I strongly disagree with it and it places a lot of pressure on mums to focus on "putting baby down".

Op I used to fret and worry about naps on me but one day I just thought sod it and decided to completely do my own thing. Ds napped on me until 10 months and I only stopped because he became too heavy! He started napping in the cot absolutely fine without any issues and sleeps well at night too.

He's nearly 3 now and I'd do anything to turn back time and have him napping in my arms again. Do what you and your instincts tell you to do, it's magical and doesn't create problems. It's great for bonding. Relax and enjoy. Smile