Nanny and DH conspiring to get 6 month old DS out of our bed!

[RoRoMommy]

Okay, look--my kid is very independent. He's happy to play on his own, goes to sleep in our bed on his own from 7:30 to 10:30 (I nurse him or rock him to sleep then leave the room), but he's had a cold and sleeps erratically once I come to bed at 10:30 until 1:30 feed, then sleeps like a dream until 5:30. Thing is, DH is on couch b/c bed not big enough (DS is a wiggler, sleeps on my side, and I end up scootching DH off his side of the bed). We just ordered a bigger bed to be delivered on Saturday, but my nanny and my DH are insisting that DS is ready to sleep in his own bed and trying to convince me to stop co-sleeping.

It's not that I think he'd be scarred from it, I think he'd probably be fine sleeping in a cot next to the bed or in our room. But I work all day and I love co-sleeping. When DS isn't stuffed up in the nose, he sleeps like a dream, waking only to feed and settling right back down. DH and nanny are convinced that if we don't teach him to sleep on his own now he'll be in our bed until he's two, and then it will be very difficult to get him in his own bed and THAT experience will scar him, rather than getting him used to it now.

I am the only one who doesn't see a problem with him being in our bed until he's two or when he decides to leave, but this DH on couch business isn't okay. Also, I've been going to sleep in the spare room after I've settled DS during the cold-period because he seems to sleep better if I am not there.

Am I being selfish about wanting to continue co-sleeping when it seems DS would be fine in his own cot? Are we setting ourselves up for sleep problems if we move him to his own cot now, or more likely if we don't? Please help.

Thanks!

RoRo, my husband made a bed rail so it fitted well but there are loads of people on here that use them. My Sleep is for the Week sisters will be able to help if you pop in there and ask the question.

His unsettledness may be teeth. Somtimes my DD wouldn't (still doesn't) settle well despite cuddles, stroking, milk whatever. I now know that teeth are largely to blame

PS on the sex front which is generally why people when you say you co-cleep. You just have to be more imaginative. If people ask you, just reply, 'who has sex in a bed anyway these days when there are so many more interesting places to get it on'

Lots of people co-sleep. It has to work for you and your family and don't be put off by people telling you he'll still be there in 10 years time. It's nonsense. I don't know the detail but if the closeness with your DH is the problem perhaps you can find a way of getting that some other way for the time being. This is just a stage, it will pass.

RoRomummy - answer your earlier question - my ds is nearly 11 months now, and I'm lucky, he's always been a good sleeper. We never co-slept as he always seemed quite happy in his cot, and if he was ever unsettled and I tried to bring him into bed with us, then it never seemed to help much anyway!!

He wasn't phased at all by moving into his own room - he had some daytime naps in there before he moved in at night, so he was familiar with the room and cot. He used to sleep in there for the first part of the night, then after his dream feed we'd pop him in his moses basket in with us. So the night we moved him out, we just put him back in the cot in his room, and he was fine - I was awake half the night worrying though.......!!( that didn't last long)

He's now a very confident, secure little boy.

The bed guard on th bigger bed sounds a good idea - then the baby wouldn't be between you and DH, so he can have a cuddle too!

I'm sure with a bit of trial and error, and creative thinking, you'll come up with a way to keep everyone happy.

As for the weaning, I would take each day as it comes. Sometimes babies self wean and just don't want it any more, and then the decision is made for you. Other times, there will become a time when you have just had enough - but you will know when that is. In the meantime, good for you for expressing and carrying on.

Thanks, Ginger, I'll pop in and ask re: the bed rail. I think the unsettledness is a cold, which he is just now getting over. Thankfully we haven't had much more pain from teething since the first two came in at four months. As for sex, the couch is fine as far as I am concerned (and DH is desperate enough to accomodate, poor guy).

JoJay, good for you on your confident little man! For the time being I am perfectly happy to keep on breastfeeding. I really love the connection I have with DS through it, and it keeps the PMDD at bay (because no period). Hooray!

If your bedroom is suitable, you can try the side of the bed against the wall. We did this with DS next to the wall, then me then DH.

Sorry, haven't read all the posts....

I had a similar problem re a too small bed. In the end I put a matress on the floor next to our bed and I tend to sleep with the baby on the mattress and DH on the bed (or any other combination depending on what happens!)

I hope you work things out.

co-sleeping? are you nuts? till 2 years old?

... and you're wondering why there are problems between you and your husband and he's now on the couch???

you're storing up major problems for your future relationship , and clinginess in the child

be careful as your relationship could be on very rocky ground... is it really worth sacrificing so much???

I have great news for anyone still watching this thread...we got our king size bed, DH is back in the bed with us, and DS is sleeping in 3-4 hour stretches with one feed in the middle of the night that I hardly have to wake up to do.

I am so pleased, and very thankful for all of the helpful advice you posted. Thank you so much.

I am surprised still at what strong opinions co-sleeping incites. It is a practice that was just recently (in a human history context) abandoned, and we expect our children's brains to have advanced over the course of hundreds of years to overcome the instincts of tens of thousands of years that families spent sleeping together.

This is not to mention the practical benefits--ease of breastfeeding, spending time with a child who I must be away from during the day while at work, reduced incidence of SIDS as my breathing regulates his, and body temp and blood pressure, safety in case of an emergency (I can just pick him up and take him to safety rather than taking the chance of whether I can make it into his room in time), swift and appropriate responses to his communications of needs like hunger, fear, loneliness, wet nappy, hot or cold, etc...it goes on and on, yet I still get almost angry responses from some people to this very personal choice, and disbelief in the best cases because obviously this is going to ruin my marriage and make my child clingy.

A child who moves to its own bed when it is ready is far less likely to come into the family bed later, and is more likely to be independent, secure, and comfortable. My son has never had to cry himself to sleep, so he goes to sleep each night, with me by his side, with a smile on his little face. He is learning healthy, positive attitudes towards sleep, rather than viewing it as a frightening state to enter.

If any of you would like more information on co-sleeping and its benefits, check out www.naturalchild.com or www.askdrsears.com.

Thanks again to everyone who took the time to post thoughtful and encouraging and quite helpful advice to this thread.