How long do you leave your toddler to cry at night?

[Pukeymama]

If you know your toddler is purely crying because they don't want to be in bed during the night, how long do you leave them to cry? I know some people don't agree with leaving toddlers to cry and I respect that, but others do (including me) so I'm interested to know how other people manage it.

Gosh, this goes on for hours. How can you ever bare to wait that out. Just snuggle them up and go back to sleep for all your sakes! I might leave them 15 minutes or so if they whinge to see if it's worth getting up for but hours is awful!

@londongirl12 Sounds like she has some sound advice!

I second the routine that is consistent too. My DS is still young but we've done the same routine right down to the song we sing since 12 weeks and we continue this when riding out any storms. He always eventually settles back down into it.

If he was sleeping well until a month ago, I wonder if something has changed that's worrying him?

And if reported Soots first post accusing OP of neglect. Awful post

My neighbours left their two year old screaming and crying "mummy, daddy" for 3 entire hours, he was so loud it woke me (terraced houses, thought for a second it was my DS)

This was at 1am, we heard the parents arguing in their bedroom an hour into his screaming. We brought it up in passing and they said they were sleep training.

It sounded cruel.

[quote SqidgeBum]@Sootikinstew who says he 'needs' anything, as opposed to wants something. A toddler can want to be in your bed, and know that if he cries enough he will eventually get what he wants, but that doesnt mean he should get what he wants. If the OP needs him to sleep in the cot as opposed to the bed, that not neglect. His needs are being met. He just doesnt want to sleep in the cot. My toddler cried for 20 minutes today because she wanted to whack the dog with a fly swatter and I took it from her. Should I let her because she cries for a long period of time? Am I neglecting her by not giving her what she wants? Because she is crying does that mean she 'needs' to whack the dog with the fly swatter?

The OP isnt leaving a baby screaming in pain or hunger. He just doesnt want to sleep in the cot. Toddlers are stubborn, very stubborn. Being a good Mum doesnt mean giving a toddler everything it wants.[/quote]
Someone speaking sense!

Toddlers do need to learn that they can't get everything they want by throwing a tantrum. Of course if my 2.5 year old seems genuinely scared/upset I'd go to her, but when she's standing at her door screaming bloody murder because I won't let her watch tv at 4am, she's not going to win.

If they're safe, and not genuinely scarred/in pain or really upset - IE if they're throwing a strop - I'd leave them OP.

Never.

We never did! We'd go and sit with them in their room. Usually went to sleep stroking their hair and/or singing to them. We figured they'd grow out of it and they did 😀

Another thing we did sometimes if they couldn't settle and were looking for entertainment rather than comfort was just to sit on the floor of their room reading a book so they had our presence but not the engagement. We always made sure they were settled and asleep before we left the room in the first place though so it was just the occasional waking (after the baby stage obviously)

I follow the Supernanny bedtime technique. Go through the bedtime routine and put them down. If DS doesn't settle, go back in and say 'it's bedtime darling' and put him back down. If he's still crying go in and say 'bedtime' and put him down. After that, put them back down as many times as it takes but SAY NOTHING. I never get to the third stage and very rarely the second. It's different if he has a genuine reason like he is unwell but I would know that before bedtime!!

Thank you for the great (and some entertaining!) advice and tips, definitely some more things to think about and try.

My DD is 2. We leave for 5 mins and review. If she's still crying/shouting but less enthusiastically than at the beginning we will leave another 5 mins and assess again iyswim. She's almost always stopped after 10. If she's still screaming badly after 5 minutes one of us will go in and ask her what's wrong and try to reassure her, she may have a drink or water or use the potty, a cuddle and sing to her for a bit. Then we would leave again. It's very rare that she cries for more than a min or two after that.

I don't honestly know what I'd do if she was crying for ages and ages though. I think I would probably get her up for a bit and try again a bit later if she was crying for 20min+ at bed time with no sign of calming down but I dunno it's never actually happened yet. In the middle of the night I would just keep going in and out to settle if necessary but again that very rarely happens so maybe I'd feel differently if it was happening every night.