4 month sleep regression - your experiences!

[zastle]

So my LO has been going through the 4 month sleep regression since he was about 14 weeks old. He's now 20 weeks old and it doesn't seem to be any different. He was always a bad sleeper and has always taken short naps so I thought things couldn't possibly get worse. Spoiler alert - it can get SO much worse. He went from napping "only" 45-50 minutes to 20-30 minutes (on a good day...). Now I long for the days when he slept for a whole 45 min sleep cycle.
His night sleep had started improving from 9 weeks until the sleep regression hit us (a good 4-6 hours stretch then 2x 2 hour stretches). Not perfect but certainly an improvement from the newborn days. Ever since the sleep regression started he's been waking up every 2 hours or less. Last week he slept 4.5 hours one night and 6 hours the next so I thought things might finally be going back to normal! Nope. If anything, things only got worse. Last night in particular was one of the worst nights we've had since he was born. He was up every hour the entire night. And the worst part is he'll only settle when I hold him or nurse him - he only gets more frustrated when DH tries to help so I'm on my own.

I've been vigilant about his awake times, naps, bedtime routines and all that and I try to put him down drowsy but awake but most of the time that never works and I end up rocking him to sleep at night time and all naps. I just don't know what to do anymore. This is draining the life out of me.

What was the 4 month sleep regression like for you and your little ones? How long did it last? Did it pass on its own like a phase or did you have to teach your baby to self settle? If that's the case, how did you do that? Any information would be helpful as I'm at my breaking point!

No advice OP, sorry. I'm in the same boat, we just hit the 4 month regression and it's awful and I don't know what to do about it.

My eldest never went through it and I was so lucky.

I've spent a lot of time googling about it (don't we all) and there seem to be three possibilities:

• it was a phase which passed in a few weeks
• the parents eventually decided to sleep train and it worked
• it didn't really get significantly better until the child was a toddler (or older )

What awake times are you working to? Because it sounds like your baby is very, very overtired given the very low amounts of overnight sleep.

In what way are you trying to achieve putting baby down drowsy but awake? What happens to get baby to sleep?

Does baby have a dummy? If not, have you tried recently to get one accepted?

@sunlightflower
It really is awful! How are you coping? Are you going to wait this out or have you started any sleep training methods?

@BabySleepTeacherUK

He's awake between 1.5 to 2 hours MAX between naps and bedtime. Any less than that and he resists sleep or wakes up shortly after I put him down. My LO never shows any sleep cues until he's overtired, so I make sure he's asleep at the first yawn! He sleeps 20-30 min naps 4 times a day. Like I mentioned in my first post, those naps used to be 45 minutes or so before the sleep regression started.

I rock him until he is visibly drowsy (heavy eyelids, deeper breathing, etc.) and I set him down. He closes his eyes and looks like he's about to sleep but he rubs his face and wakes himself up most of the time. Sometimes he looks like he's trying really hard to fall asleep but stirs and gets frustrated and cries. He's used a dummy since he was 3 weeks old but sort of lost interest in it around the time the sleep regression started. It's not that he rejects it but he can do with or without it. These days he screams until he comfort nurses to sleep (sometimes barely even a minute). No amount of shushing or patting works, it's either be rocked to sleep or nursed to sleep.

I. Am. Exhausted.

@zastle I can’t help but I can sympathise!! We are going through pretty much word for word the same thing with our 18 week old. I’m just desperate to know what to do or if we should wait it out!! How can babies be so tired when they are having the regular naps? If we make them sleep more then they would be asleep all day and surely then get confused between day and night again. I don’t understand!! Of course they are shattered if they are having such poor sleep but how do we help them get back to a good nights sleep!! Aaaahhhh. I just don’t want to sleep train officially and if our DS slept ok before then surely we were doing something right and can do it again?!

Sorry I can’t help but I’m sending lots of love your way!! X

Mine went through this. Sorry to say it lasted bloody ages!!! The only thing that helped was that I eventually stopped breastfeeding to sleep - she'd have a good feed and then I'd hand over to husband to put her to bed.

She still woke in the night but it was the start of longer stretches.

I remember my eldest Daughter went through the sleep regression at about 5 months old.

Nap times were unaffected, but night times were awful. She would wake up every single hour of the night. I think after 2 weeks of this I just couldn't cope any more. We put her in her own room and did sleep training where you settle baby then leave the room for 2 minutes, go back in, have a cuddle, then leave for 4 mins, then 6,8,10. Within 3 nights she was sleeping through.

My youngest is 3 months old, so I'm waiting for her regression!! I'm petrified.

I’m busy googling sleep training techniques! I’m not a fan of the cry it out method, but what you mention sounds doable! Do you just do that every time they wake? X

It's all so miserable, I just want it to be over! Keep googling "4 month sleep regression when does it end" and "4 month sleep regression what do I do". Argh.

@Katiep3295 I haven't read all the other comments properly, but if you are talking about the 2,4,6,8,10 method then we did this every single time she woke through the night.

She never got to more than 6 minutes in the early days. I recall a few times having to do 8 or 10 minutes, but on the whole it was really good and worked really well.

They say when you go in to gently pay the babies back for a few seconds to settle them before leaving again, but I used to just have a quick cuddle instead and then walk out again.

Thank you so much @arianwe I’m going to try this! 🤞

This sounds really tough. Around the same time I taught DS to self settle. I use the Little Ones programme - to start with really strictly and now I just use it as a general framework to the day. It's really worked for me (although I think it helps that other than a spell at 5 months, DS has never been a truly terrible sleeper so I have been lucky)

I used the shush pat method. Lots of cuddles and kisses and then into his cot whilst awake and drowsy. I would then pat relatively firmly on his tummy (and often a stroke on his forehead/nose) whilst shushing. I did this in 6 minute blocks. If he wasn't asleep after 6 minutes, I'd pick him up for kisses and cuddles and then start again. At the start it took up to an hour, and then he really started to get the hang of it so only took a couple of 6 minute blocks, then eventually I could just bung him in his cot and he'd go to sleep on his own.

The ability to put his dummy back in helps too, he now sleeps with about 6 dummies in his cot.

Hang in there, it will get better, you will get through it x

@larrythelizard the shh pat thing works but now she wakes up multiple times a night wanting me to pat her back to sleep! Nightmare

Oh no @sunlightflower that's not ideal! Lucy Wolfe believes that under 6 months is too little to teach to self settle so maybe your little one just not ready?

I have to admit I co-slept when DS was awake every couple of hours, and still do when he's teething etc, rubbish sleep is better than no sleep!

@larrythelizard I wish cosleeping helped but she doesn't seem to sleep any better that way. Oh well, it won't last forever...

I’m reading this thread with interest as I think we’ve just started the regression here (though I’m not sure as we’re having some ‘normal’ nights and some fairly bad). During the bad nights I’m having to replace the dummy every hour or so, two hours at a maximum. I can’t wait til I can teach her to do it herself!

@larrythelizard just wondering when your baby became able to replace the dummy himself?

[quote zastle]@BabySleepTeacherUK

He's awake between 1.5 to 2 hours MAX between naps and bedtime. Any less than that and he resists sleep or wakes up shortly after I put him down. My LO never shows any sleep cues until he's overtired, so I make sure he's asleep at the first yawn! He sleeps 20-30 min naps 4 times a day. Like I mentioned in my first post, those naps used to be 45 minutes or so before the sleep regression started.

I rock him until he is visibly drowsy (heavy eyelids, deeper breathing, etc.) and I set him down. He closes his eyes and looks like he's about to sleep but he rubs his face and wakes himself up most of the time. Sometimes he looks like he's trying really hard to fall asleep but stirs and gets frustrated and cries. He's used a dummy since he was 3 weeks old but sort of lost interest in it around the time the sleep regression started. It's not that he rejects it but he can do with or without it. These days he screams until he comfort nurses to sleep (sometimes barely even a minute). No amount of shushing or patting works, it's either be rocked to sleep or nursed to sleep.

I. Am. Exhausted. [/quote]
Sorry I took ages to reply @zastle

He's awake between 1.5 to 2 hours MAX between naps and bedtime. Any less than that and he resists sleep or wakes up shortly after I put him down.

That's too long awake. As a general rule awake time wants to be around double nap length. So 20-30 min naps should be having awake times of 40-60 minutes. That's why I mentioned your baby being overtired.

My LO never shows any sleep cues until he's overtired

That's not unique to your child, outwardly visible sleep cues mean baby was actually tired about an hour earlier and indicate baby is now overtired. The best time for getting baby to sleep is at the 'just starting to feel tired' point where the only sign might be wanting to be held or crying while on the floor playing.

The rocking in your arms can be a problem, because of the physical difference when being put down. If baby needs movement to sleep you would be developing better sleep habits by getting him to sleep in something that moves, rather than in your arms and then being put down. It's really important for good sleep hygiene that baby goes to sleep where they stay asleep.

So how about a cheapy bouncy chair? As soon as awake time window is up (or before if baby is clingy or cries, even once) put baby into the bouncer fully awake. Give dummy and get baby actively sucking, by tapping the outside of the dummy as needed. Then maintain a rhythmic bounce (I used my foot to do this, while sitting on sofa with bouncer at my feet) at a consistent tempo. Just keep going until asleep.

Try to follow awake time windows, in a repeating cycle throughout the day:

Wake (note time, mentally calculate awake time as double nap length +/- 15 minutes)
feed
awake time floor pla
At first cry / clinginess or once at awake time window...
settling to sleep
sleep
Resettle as soon as initial signs of stirring start (before waking)
Wake > repeat from the begining

@dillybear maybe 7 or 8 months...

@BabySleepTeacherUK can I be really cheeky and ask if you have any advice on how to settle a baby? We have never ‘settled’ our little boy because he’s always fallen asleep just after feeding. We didn’t even realise it was causing a crutch! Now we are in the 4 month sleep regression and have no idea how to settle him when he’s ready for a nap! Thank you for any advice x

@Katiep3295

The easiest, simplest and gentles way is to use a dummy. I would team with a sidecar cot ([[https://www.facebook.com/111275283957275/photos/a.111381240613346/114586346959502/ see here - a sidecar cot is a normal sized cot with one side removed) and a swaddle.

The swaddle gives baby the safe, secure, enclosed feeling of being held. Also helps baby still their flaying arms and thrashing legs. The dummy is because sucking is natures natural way to sooth baby and by default stops any crying (because it's impossible to cry while also actively sucking). The sidecar cot means you can lie in your own bed but with your torso right in baby's cot to cuddle and settle them.

The key, most important aspect of developing healthy sleep at this 4 month stage is to help baby learn to go to sleep where they stay asleep. So not going to sleep in your arms while being fed, but in the cot.

Link didn't work:

Click here - a sidecar cot is a normal sized cot with one side removed

Thank you so much! I’ll have a look at doing this! X

Wow, thank you all so much for your responses. I appreciate all the advice and support. It's nice to know we're not alone in this! DH and I have decided to try the CIO method since none of the "gentle" methods have worked so far. I'm absolutely dreading it though and I don't think we'll start for another few weeks because I'm not ready for him to be in his own room yet (he's in a sidecar cot next to me).

@BabySleepTeacherUK

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply!

I've tried to put him down for a nap earlier than the 1.5 hours but he just won't go to sleep! Not even breastfeeding to sleep works. Recently he's been taking longer naps once or twice a week so I fingers crossed he's starting to lengthen his naps on his own.

That's funny you suggested the bouncer.. I always thought it was the other way around - that it would create bad sleep habits as opposed to rocking. I'll have to try that for one of his naps tomorrow. Appreciate all your helpful advice! xx