Please prevent me from punching my friend's lights out

[catski]

only everytime I go to my facebook page her status is something along the lines of "X is enjoying a lovely glass of wine whilst Y [her son - one month younger than mine] happily sleeps for another 12 hours".

a) My son (5 months old) wakes up on average 5 times a night and I am wild-eyed with sleep deprivation. b) much as I feel the need to, I can't down the nearest bottle of vodka as am still breastfeeding.

They are coming over for dinner in a couple of weeks and I'm dreading them sitting there and going on about how incredibly lucky they are whilst making 'poor you' noises at me. I can't even lay into the cooking sherry to numb the pain.

Am I just jealous? Too right I am! I'd give anything for a decent night's sleep. Please send tips on how I can keep my simmering resentment at bay. Sob.

You have my sympathy utterly we found 4 - 7 months hellish from a sleep perspective. In fact a few nights our dd did not sleep AT ALL and we were up all night!

I felt pure and utter jealously at the time when an NCT friend told me her dd slept 12 hours a night. For us it got better from 7 months on. DD now sleeps through the night. The NCT friend's one year old now wakes every 4 hours...

kerala, thanks for your vote of hope for us all with non-sleepers! Ds is just 7mo and I do feel that things are getting better slowly, but it's 2 steps forward 1 back right now (or some nights the other way round!) so it's good to hear it does get better, cheers.

Oh, much sympathy catski - I remember feeling like this too. Thank god I didn't have facebbok to make it worse!

I think I'd do rhubarbs approach. Just be calm, and try & avoid talking about sleep too much. I used to bend the truth a bit when talking to 'super sleepers' & just say 'Oh, yes, he's getting much better, thanks." Then change the subject. And then kept my whinges for fellow sleep sufferers whose sympathy was more heartfelt.

Fwiw, my dad (lecturer in child psychology) says kids who sleep badly are more intelligent. I should point out that is enitrely unscientific & based on the fact that my dad had four kids who all slept badly. But I used to sit and THINK it while people smuged at me

Ooh funnypeculiar! Can I have permission to quote your father, esteemed child psychologist, if they start banging on about it when they come over?? I'll leave out the bit about it not being based on any scientific evidence whatsoever...

DaisyMOO - as I was typing that reply I thought that perhaps she might have been overcompensating for something that didn't work out.....it's entirely possible. She gives the impression of having moved on and being very satisified with her decision, but I guess she could still have mixed feelings about it.

They are actually staying the night when they come for dinner as we live half an hour out of town - am praying my son has a good night. He occasionally (VERY occasionally) has them - to the extent where I wake up in the morning and have that heart stopping panic and have to poke him to make sure he's still alive!

Oh yes, feel free

Fingers crossed for a good night for you

(remember well the horrid feeling of people looking sorry for you over the breakfast table & saying 'Oh, I heard him a couple of times....")

There's also the possiblity that peopple whose DCs are not nightmare sleepers are so gobsmacked by their sheer luck that they can't shut up about it. My DS is and was a reasonably good sleeper - but then I was used to badly disturbed nights before having him, so sailed through that stage.

And despite me being a lazy indiffernt mummy who drinks and used to have the occasional fag. DS is sort of noticably advanced. You can shoot me now.

you should be smug as you're baby is bf.
ds1 was such a good sleeper, smiled all the time etc....then he got to 2 and I had a year and half of holy hell
Both of mine were bf and ds1 was such a bad sleeper for the first year, cried, fed all the time.... but after that he's been wonderful and is almost 10

funnyP your father may be right as DS1 (the really really poor sleeper for one whole year!) is highly intelligent.

aw we all type things on our facebook status that aren't personal to other users that could be construed as smug. Presumably you are not her only friend on there so don't take it personaly she would probably be upset if she knew how it had come across

her next status thingy might read something like ' x was just sick on me and I will smell of puke all day'

catski you can drink and bf. it is fine, do search archives here for more. of course you might not want to have too much what with all the night feeds, but it made me very happy to have a glass of wine over the cluster feeding evening horrors. (ds fed every 2 hours for 6 months).

My dd was an awful sleeper as a baby and my friend's dd slept for 12 hours at night although my friend was never smug about it and always really sympathetic to me (thank God, felt like punching people who weren't as tactful!!).

By the time they were about 2 years old both dds slept pretty well.

Now they are 5, my dd goes to bed beautifully and sleeps through whereas my friend's dd is a nightmare and my friend has tons of broken nights/evenings trying to help a 5 year old go to sleep.

The change in both children has been amazing, now it's my turn to support her but just goes to show...you never know!!

funnypeculiar's dad is my new hero

Glad fishie said it, but am going to say it again

HAVE A GLASS OF WINE

it will then be funny rather than annoying
it is fine to have a drink when bf
check the archives for some advice

If you want his 'logic' (this may not help his newfound legend status...)

1. A baby's key job is to survive.
2. If you wake up regularly in the night & check your parents are still there, you are less likely to get eaten in the night by a ravenous, baby-eating monster. Or something.
3. The smart baby therefore wakes up a few times a night & checks it;s parents are looking after it

(He comes from a behaviourist viewpoint)

catski, the best thing i have found for a child who wakes up all hrs of the night is cosleeping. have you considered it?

funnypeculiar - permission requested to print T-shirts quoting your dad, renowned child psychologist, for myself, OH and my child to wear whenever we leave the house.

Your advice to devote a few days to getting my LO to sleep however and wherever has definitely helped btw - have you thought about setting up a sleep clinic with your dad?!

To the OP - just make sure you remind smug friend that it's luck, not skill, that makes her LO sleep. Karma will see to the rest.

CSB - permission granted. At 10% commission for any further sales, of course
REALLY glad to hear your lo is sleeping better during the day - well done you!

(And trust me, a sleep clinic run by me & my dad would be a deeply, deeply strange thing )

Quadrophenia - you are quite right. I know I'm being oversensitive about it all because it's such a contrast to my son.

Re the alcohol/breastfeeding issue. I'm never sure what to do on this one as I feed on demand and sometimes it's every couple of hours. I also seem to get drunked on virtually nothing so feel guilty if I have more than a glass of wine. I usually express ahead of time and give him EBM if I have a drink but it takes me ages to pump just a few ounces. I shall look into the archives....

Kiskidee - I tend to find that my son wakes up more often if we co-sleep - I think he might be able to smell my milk or something and just treats it as an all night snack bar. I know some people can co-sleep and b/f without really waking up, but I'm a v light sleeper so it doesn't seem to work out that way for us. We often co-sleep from about 5am when I'm too lazy to settle him back into his cot, but he then wakes up every half an hour or so for a top up.

funnypeculiar - there's a real gap in the market for those t-shirts - you could make a fortune out of us mumsnetters!

I have read A L-O-T of sleep books and have come across the baby-is-intelligent-if-wakes-a-lot in more than one place, lucky us with the super clever babies!

by the way catski, please come back on and tell us if your LO sleeps well that night and their child wakes you all, we could do with a good giggle!

Lie. Tell them your DS sleeps really well. chances are they lie too!

by the way catski, I haven't had a drink since last may! (previously wine monster I admit, so am amazed I've managed it). kellymom and others on here have reassured me it's ok to do so, as the alcohol leaves your milk after 3 hours, as it leaves your blood stream - once it's left your body it has also left your milk, it doesn't stay around there. After 16 long months I'm considering a glass of champagne on thurs for my birthday. I just haven't wanted to drink up until now (the night wakings put me off even the slightest hangover!)

At least you get to see your child more.
Hang in there. It will pass soon enough.

Hi Catski - my DS didn't sleep through until 17 months (now 22 months) so sleep is a newish thing for me....I used to get really cross at my friend (without DC's) who would come round and say I'm so shattered i had to get up at eleven

Smile & no was the only way I go through it...her first baby is due soon so I sgree with Twiglett!

Hi Catski - my DS didn't sleep through until 17 months (now 22 months) so sleep is a newish thing for me....I used to get really cross at my friend (without DC's) who would come round and say I'm so shattered i had to get up at eleven

Smile & nod was the only way I go through it...her first baby is due soon so I sgree with Twiglett!