Do some babies need to 'cry down'?

[Cakehead]

Second baby here and LO is astonishingly different to my first. She's now 8 weeks old and always has a full-on cry before dropping off to sleep. Doens't matter if she's being held, in her bouncy chair or in her cot. You can see she's really tired and really fighting it, and she absolutely howls.

Is it cruel to let her cry it out? It normally takes 10 - 15 minutes. At night, I put her in her cot when I can see she's tired, and then make the room very dark. She starts crying; I pick her up every few minutes to comfort her and then put her down, after ten minutes (which feels like ten hours) she just conks out. I feel guilty that she has to cry before sleeping, but she'd be doing exactly the same thing if I was holding her. In fact, it seems to be worse if you're holding her - every little noise and movement sets her off and you can see her bottom lip trembling. Is this what's meant by 'crying down'. It's quite stressful if so...

My ds (now 20 months) has ALWAYS cried before he has his daytime naps. Even when he is knackered, he will protest. He's much better in the evening, but sometimes cries a bit then. I find if I leave him to cry for a few minutes and then go back in to give him a cuddle, he will normally settle fine after that. But I remember him being horrendous at 8 weeks...

i have had prejudices too btw. swore blind they never would have them, then when dd2 nearly sucked my finger off for 3 consecutive weeks i succumed. now i want rid before its a big prob! sorry, taking over thread........

Nope never used dummy

DD1 didn't have a dummy at all, dd2 had one for about 10 days before rejecting it, hasn't had one since. Tried really hard with both to get them to have one.

gave mine a try of a dummy as was desparate for them to sleep. neither took to them. So their prejudice not mine

I think its unusual for a baby not to cry or make any noise before they go to sleep unless they have a dummy.

10-15 mins if you know a baby is crying from tiredness is not unreasonable IMO if they go to sleep after this point and have been fed/winded/changed etc and nothing else is the matter. I think with the second baby there has to be points where one of them is crying. There really is only so much that one person can do!!! Also some babies cry whether they are being held and soothed/sushed to sleep or not and will settle quicker if they are left to their own devices.

Sorry but babies cry, on average some where between 1-3 hrs in every 24.

Some babies need to grumble before settling to sleep, some people chatter, some people hold whole conversations as they drift off to sleep.

Fussing with a grumbly baby that gets crosser the more you 'comfort' them isn't helpful to either party.

Letting them wind down with some music/soothing sounds is not wrong.

Each baby is different as many of you have found out, even twins and triplets will have a more settled and a more grumblier baby in my personal experience.

I've just had one those evenings - had to put DS3 down complaining (well he went down quietly but has just had about 2 minutes of proper crying, he's now lying there do a mixture of proper crying and half hearted "waaahs"...shall leave him a few more minutes and go back to him if he hasn't fallen asleep.......and if I do have to go back you can bet your bottome dollar he'll want just 1oz (or maybe even 1/2) of milk out of a freshly warmed bottle despite having had his bottle not very long ago at all and almost finishing it

actually I could be lying...after seeming to quieten down and then started up again it's all gone suspiciously quiet

DS used to do this, he's nearly 6 months now and our night routine is - i fill him up with bf. sing twinkle twinkle, put him in cot. he grumbles (used to be full out crying) for 5 mins (used to go on for half an hour with me picking him up every few mins), then he has another feed whereupon he falls asleep till about 10.30 for next feed.

just wanted to tell you there's hope out there.... keep plugging away !! she will get there.

well he's in definite "male" mode tonight (indecisive ) just as I posted my last comment he started up again, I stood up to go and warm a bottle up and he stopped.......and it's all gone quiet again......dare I go and take a peak????

QoQ, answer is probably not

lol - you're probably right.....

let quiet boys lie

dd1 used to quite often nod off mid cry ie "WAAAAAAH! WAAAAAH! WAAAAAAH! WAAzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

well I have to go in there sometime this evening - he's still in his cot in our room and I have to take some clothes upstairs and pop them on the side to put away tomorrow....but maybe I'll leave it a little longer

haha - what did I tell you - he woke up about 20 minutes ago.....and had exactly 1oz of milk. Put him back down in his cot and he grizzled for 30 seconds and is alseep again.

Examine your regimen of putting down the baby. Are the cries just fussy? Are they shriekish as if the baby is in pain? Are you feeding the baby and then burping? Maybe the baby needs to be burped more? Are you bathing the baby before bedtime to relax the baby?
Try making a recording of your voice singing softly to the baby. Put it out of sight and play it for the baby. Sometimes they just need to know you are there if they need you.
My oldest (now 22) was like this, also a nephew that I watched. I would swaddle both tightly in a blanket that smelled of lavender (a soothing smell) and would wait 2 minutes when putting them down. If they still cried I would come in and give them 3 pats to let them know I was there and then leave again...gradually lengthening the minutes of return. Eventually, they would not need the pats, unless something else was the matter such as gas, illness, etc.
Remember never to leave a bottle or pillow or pacifier in with your child when putting them down!
Let us know how you fair.

Why should you "never leave a pacifier in with a child when putting them down"??

Hi Becky77, because some pacifiers come apart...or if the child is cutting teeth they grind bits off of it. I've known of one that the mother attached it with a ribbon but the child actually wound the ribbon (how I don't know, maybe rolling).
Babies produce a lot of saliva too and a paci blocks their mouth (little darlings haven't learned to spit it out when needed) when they cough or sputter.
Beyond that it is just something passed on from my midwives and mother, and aunts. It just cuts down on the amount of things that can happen.
It helps too that they won't get depentdent on it...makes it easier to take away later.

That is an old wives tale I am sure re dummies. Apart from anything, SIDS now recommend dummies. Do not attach ribbons to dummies. That is dangerous and decent dummies are made to not come apart.

DS was like this. Wouldn't sleep until he'd had a good cry. Eventually, I learned to recognise his 'I'm tired and am going to drop off in about 5 minutes' cry.

I am starting to recognise when DD (5 months) is crying from tiredness - its my cue to feed her to sleep. Easier for DP to rock her to sleep as he doesnt smell of milk! But DD has nodded off on my shoulder once.
To answer the question though, DD quite often seems to benefit from a good yell in the evenings. I never leave her crying once in bed though, it would just escalate.

No, not an old wives tale pudding25. Do you have a government recall listing that will send you recalls for infant and childrens?
I am on one in the states, at the moment it is so full of lead recalls for everything under the sun from China though.
Two companies that had done pacifier recalls in the past were Shims Bargain pacifiers and Binky Griptight.
One the holes weren't placed correctly and the guard was too small and would get lodged in the mouth. The other company the nipple would come dislodged and the plastic was prone to cracking.
A baby will fall asleep sucking its fist if need be though. It isn't too very long before they notice their fists and fingers anyway.
I remember my daughter giving a shrill cry but stopping when I would come running to see what was up. She would just stop so I had to hide and watch and she was wrestling her arm out of her swaddling and scaring herself with her hand in her face.