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Sleep

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Original poster

weaning off night feeds

44 replies

moljam · 19/08/2007 16:01

my ds is 20 months and goes to sleep with bottle,then up all night-average 6 times,good night is twice- for more milk.i know i need to take bottle away but any tips?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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claireybee · 21/08/2007 15:41

Oh and like kiskidee says i don't let her cry before i go to her as this makes her harder to settle. I don't know about your ds but dd doesn't wake crying, just makes little noises and i can usually tell after a few minutes whether she is going to be able to self settle or get more restless and if it is the latter i will go straight to her.

Original poster

moljam · 21/08/2007 21:18

weeeeeeeeeelllll,hv said....
firstly move cot out of our room in with ds1,give milk on bed with story before going in cot,only offer water in beaker at night time,then do cc.she said get dh to do bathtime as because dh gets in near bedtime ds is wound up so if dh does bath it will be calm down with daddy time then into bedroom with me for dress,story,bottle etc.think that was all.and shes coming to review in 2 weeks.she said she doesnt think cutting out milk would suit him as hes just using bottle as dummy.i think i need to think hard about whats right for him and us.

OP posts:

kiskidee · 22/08/2007 12:07

"she said she doesnt think cutting out milk would suit him as hes just using bottle as dummy."

i am not following hv's reasoning here.

i agree he is using the bottle as a dummy. cutting out the milk means (to me) to gradually take away the reason to have the bottle.

i know that the nhs protocol is to not give babies a teat after 12 mos.

her recipe works for some children and some parents, undoubtedly. it is a fix it in 2 wks or less solution. but you have to have quite a will to go thru with it. without the will then it is a recipe for failure. but you can try it and stop it at anytime if you start it and feel like it is a bad idea.

what i have suggested takes a longer time but i think that once you manage to cut out a single feed, the others are easier to cut out or cut back. it is an idea of gentle persuasion. it takes patience and is hard because it is about delayed gratification but to alter a child's behaviour/expectations in very incremental steps is easier for the child and easier for some parents though it is not easier not initially.

good luck with whatever you decide to try out. i'll try to keep an eye out for your posts. or you can always give me a shout.

Original poster

moljam · 22/08/2007 12:11

thankyou kiskidee.yesterday he only had half hour or so nap(fell asleep at cm and wouldnt go back to sleep at home)instead of usual 2 hours and woke 10 times does this mean hv suggestion of cutting down then cutting out nap wont help?everything thing ive read about napping just says at his age he should be cutting down from 2 naps to one long nap.and i do feel he needs it(and i do)

OP posts:

kiskidee · 22/08/2007 12:24

my dd is at nursery as i work ft (on hols at the moment) she was having 1 long nap at 20 mos and she always slept in her own pushchair at nursery. they would shoggle her a bit to send her off.

i am not sure what your arrangements are but at home, i would put her in her pushchair and take her for a walk. once she got the 7 mile stare i would turn around and she'd be asleep by the time i got home.

i suggest trying the same thing to get him to take one long nap. maybe push his first nap back slightly. take him for a long walk, even aim to keep him out for more than half of the length of nap you want and then parking him up at home. I'd do so in the kitchen so i could get on with cooking and keeping an eye on dd at the same time.

don't stress too much about it. if it isn't as long as he needs in the end, just move his bedtime forward. Maybe with a bank holiday coming up, you can do this over the 3 days?

I must say if dd doesn't sleep in her pushchair, i bf her to sleep or we inevitably have to run errands on the wkends and she sleeps in the car. Dh has carried her around the shops asleep many a days. He loves it as it counts as a special time for him.

And it has never mattered too much to me if she wakes up a bit early, has an early nap them has a shorter one in the pm.

Original poster

moljam · 22/08/2007 12:25

he has one long nap of 2 hours but hv said cut out nap completly.

OP posts:

kiskidee · 22/08/2007 12:36

then i think your hv is talking bollocks.

my dd is 28 months old and happily takes a roughly 1hr nap. at 20 mos, i know it was not less than 1.5 hrs.

Let your child nap if you and he are happy with it. you can try cutting it back a bit if you want....but i don't think it has anything to do with his night waking.
I think that has more to do with separation anxiety or some such which is normal, normal for his age. what he is asking for is reassurance.

how is his speech development coming? toddlerhood is v. stressful for them and i don't think this aspect is valued and addressed enough for toddlers.

kiskidee · 22/08/2007 12:37

"aspect is not valued and addressed enough for toddlers."

Original poster

moljam · 22/08/2007 13:10

his speech is coming along very well,i was worried as ds1 has problems with his speech.can it still be eperation anxiety if its been going on for over a year?

OP posts:

kiskidee · 22/08/2007 13:24

i asked about speech because it means that you can sooner rather than later (in my case) speak to him in a level he understands that you will say for eg. give him his milk but before it is finished he will give you some. or it back. it teaches him how to negotiate. or something like you will cuddle him but in a little while (when he is v. drowsy) put him down and sit near his bed and pat his back. (a gradual withdrawl) it teaches him trust that you will do as you say as well as negotiate boundaries. (with you presenting 2 choices but where you are happy with either of the choice he makes.)

Separation anxiety and other forms of emotional stress that ime, changes in manifestation. In the 2nd and i am afraid 3rd year, they go through it more intensely than other for lots of emotional development due to them learning to socialise, being and what is called the egotistical phase (or some such) and because they want to fit in with their peer group, are identifying with their parents and placing other adults in their lives in a hierarchy.

i don't want to say too much for fear of not knowing enough because i don't think i do but later i will link a site for you where a professor in the US is looking at stress in toddlers and mentions what are the reasons behind it. I also greatly recommend 2 books: the social toddler and the no cry sleep solution for toddlers and pre-schoolers. The first does not deal with sleep but is a great book about understanding the toddler from their world view. ask for it in the library if you don't have the dosh.

NineUnlikelyTales · 22/08/2007 13:41

A quick update on how we're doing..

I didn't water the milk down any more, just left it at 50:50. Whereas the previous night Ds guzzled it all down and seemed a little unsettled afterwards, last might he didn't finish all the milk and he slept for 5 hours straight He hasn't done that since he was 3m (now 11m). So here's hoping for another good night tonight!

How is everyone else getting on?

claireybee · 22/08/2007 14:57

Moljam, i think your hv's method sounds extremely harsh and like it could be distressing to DS (and you!). But then again, it may just be what works for you so if you feel like it could work then give it a go. I'd just like to add that dd is getting better and better at night now despite teething, so we are living proof that a gentle method can work, even if it does take a little longer-that said we have done it in 3 weeks or so so not that long at all really (although for our ds it may take longer as he is having more frequent bottles).

Nineunlikelytales (can i abbreviate to NUT?!), well done, it sounds like you are having success! The 50:50 thing worked for us too, without having had to dilute it further. Hope it continues for you

Original poster

moljam · 22/08/2007 15:55

right been thinking,i know youve helped me so much with advice and you hate cc but i think im that desperate and its effecting the whole family so am opting for that.we did try it before for week and worked great but ds had bad bump on head and i stopped and never got back into it.but have found diary of our progress at time and decided we'll have a go.

thankyou so much for all the advice,i feel bad(naughty schoolgirl!) as i know you tried to help with more gentler approaches but feel this is whats right for us.please dont hate me!!!!!!

OP posts:

kiskidee · 22/08/2007 16:52

no, don't be silly. it is good to air your concerns and listen to other ideas before embarking on a plan. take care and update us when you can.

Original poster

moljam · 22/08/2007 21:48

thanks

OP posts:

claireybee · 23/08/2007 16:19

Not at all, if thats what you feel comfortable with and what you believe will work for you then thats the method you should use! It's also the most likely to work for you iyswim

Original poster

moljam · 29/08/2007 14:18

thankyou.havent started anything yet as been away but hes now sharing a room with his brother-i miss him

OP posts:

Gemma123 · 29/08/2007 15:13

Was just wondering if anybody had any advice for me. My baby is 7 months old, she started sleeping through the night at about 4 weeks old, but the past couple of weeks has been waking about 5 times a night. She will only go back to sleep if she has a feed (a couple of ounces or so). Her bedtime routine is bath time then I give her a bottle. She always falls asleep before finishing her bottle so I understand why she wants bottles in the night. Does any body have any tips or advice for how to let her go to sleep without her bottle. I still want to give her a bedtime bottle but without her falling asleep, i just cant see any way round it.

Myf · 05/10/2007 21:33

HI
I'm new to Mumsnet, but was hoping for some advice on my 6 mth old daughter. She's slept through the night from 9 weeks, and i started her on solids at 24 weeks.
Since then, she's woken in the night at least once a week. It took me a while to realise she may be hungry, so I gave her a bottle, after which she goes back to sleep.
I've always BF and topped up with formula, and I make all the food myself. Any ideas as to why she's waking? I tried her on breakfast, lunch and dinner, but doesn't seem to help. Sometimes it's a nightmare to get the spoon in her mouth, too.
WHat to do??

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