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Sleep

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Original poster

cuddle or leave to settle themselves ta 5 weeks?????

51 replies

Quackers · 11/09/2004 20:39

Hi, I've had a great 5 weeks, baby has generally gone to sleep after evening feed and wakes at night for feeds and then goes back down again. As she;s getting older, I have to cuddle her to sleep before putting in her cot, she cries and is very unsettled until she gets her cuddles back to sleep. She just spits out a dummy so we'd be going up and down all the time if I stuck to that. Is it too early to do 'gentle' controlled crying???? I'm generally on Gina Ford, but don;t know if it;s a little early to leave her yet???? Any advice appreciated!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

OldieMum · 11/09/2004 23:13

Please, please cuddle. Research on how babies' brains develops shows that stress levels should be kept low, ie don't give her the stress of feeling she's been abandoned by you. Babies exposed to high levels of stress in the first 6 months or so get their stress responses set at a high level and this seems to affect how they react to stress when they are much older.

Twiglett · 11/09/2004 23:16

message withdrawn

OldieMum · 11/09/2004 23:17

It's in 'Why Love Matters', by Sue Gerhardt. Published by Brunner-Routledge this year.

Twiglett · 11/09/2004 23:20

message withdrawn

Aero · 11/09/2004 23:45

definately cuddle!

sibble · 12/09/2004 00:42

hi quacks, am in same boat and have been having same thoughts/conversation with dh. ds screams until he is blue if he is put in his crib or cot to sleep or if he wakes, consequently i don't get much done during the day and he is in bed with me during the night. dh thinks i should let him cry, i think he is so tiny and my last i am reluctant to, so it's good to read everybodies replies. have tried t-shirt in cot, hot water bottle to warm bed,swaddling, swaddling works best for us but not all the time. to get things done eg ds1's breakfast,lunch,shopping,washing etc. i put him in the front pack and he sleeps like a baby.
will await the next thread n a few months through red slitty tired eyes!!!!

Original poster

Quackers · 12/09/2004 08:20

This is great! Thanks so much for everyones advice! Hi to Twigs, Sibble etc..!!! Reading this made me sleep so well last night! Felt abit of a failure, but now I know all babies need is security and cuddles in the early days, I feel much better. Will try swaddling and have a good look at baby whisperer. Hope things get better too Sibble. Keep chatting, it really does help doesn't it!

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kbaby · 12/09/2004 15:01

Quackers, congrats on the baby.
I would cuddle DD. I was afraid to cuddle my dd to sleep as I had read so many books saying to put them down sleepy. From Day 1 DD would not sleep unless cuddled. During the day I have to cuddle her on my lap to get her to sleep. At night she seems fine. TRy not to get too worked up about it. I know that when DD was first born I spent hours getting her to sleep only to lay her in her cot where she would wake straight up, I also sat there for what felt like hours stroking her face etc. In the end all that happened was that I got frustrated and weepy because DD wouldnt do what the books said. I now ignore the books and do what I feel is right. Swaddling def helps. Now DD goes to sleep ok at night but we do have to cuddle and hold for a while before. Sometimes if she wakes at night cuddling gets her back off to sleep and other times she will go to sleep by herself. She's also been known to fall asleep without being held ie in car seat etc. I am very envious of all those babies who are put in their cots while mummy says good night and then they drift off to sleep, if only I had one of those. However there is nothing nicer than snuggling up to dd while shes sleepy and kissing her soft hair and silky skin. Im hoping that DD will learn to settle herself if not theres always cc to do at a later age.
Enjoy those cuddles while you can
Also one of our friends told me that we were too soft on dd and to leave her to cry. I did this when she was 6 weeks old and in the end left her for 5 mins where she cried so much she was sick. I will never, ever do that again to something so small. It broke my heart and didnt achieve anything.

Original poster

Quackers · 12/09/2004 16:09

Thanks for the message and good wished Kbaby, great advice. She's slept pretty badly today , but does well at night so can't complain. Been more relaxed and going with the flow!!

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sweetkitty · 12/09/2004 17:29

My DD (7 weeks) is another one who will only go to sleep being cuddled. I don't feel as bad now reading all the posts. They are small for such a small period of time I want to make the most of it.

gothicmama · 12/09/2004 17:33

cuddle and cuddle

bunny2 · 12/09/2004 17:34

Oh Quacks, cuddle her!

Toothache · 12/09/2004 17:36

I was a bit confused about this too. My dd sometimes settles herself and other times I have to cuddle her. Sometimes my cuddles are kind ruined by the fact that I terrified I create a monster!! She's so good. But I think everyone is right.... they are sooooo young just now.... and don't they smell fab!!?

Hope all you July/August Mums are doing great.

toddlerbob · 13/09/2004 02:26

cuddle

alexsmum · 13/09/2004 06:40

absolutely cuddles.its such a short time since she was inside you that she doesn't even know where you end and she begins.cc would just be cruel.little ones are so georgeous to cuddle too!(makes me feel broody to just think about it!)

suzywong · 13/09/2004 06:55

Cuddles, no question about it, cuddles.

prufrock · 13/09/2004 15:53

Definately cuddles rather than crying - but, if it's just grumbling then I would leave her to try to settle herself. I do think some babies do need peace and quiet to get themselves to sleep - mine is one. I used to put him down in his room (at the top of the stairs), close the door and go to stand at the bottom of the stairs. If I could hear his crys from there I knew he needed cuddles. But if he was just grizzling I would leave him for a couple of minutes to settle himself, because if we did keep cuddling him he would often get quite grumpy, and really does not like sleeping whilst being held.

prettycandles · 13/09/2004 16:16

Definietly cuddles, not a shadow of a doubt - and I'm a confirmed supporter of both Controlled Crying and Gina Ford. If you like you can give her a chance to settle herself - not more than a couple of minutes at this age, maximum - but then help her along with a cuddle or stroking or whatever it takes. I left it a couple of months before getting stuck into GF. Until then the only things I tried to do where to make night-times boring and to try and stretch the gaps between feeds to 2-3h.

One no-no IMO is to use the dummy during sleep. It's fine for settling, and for delaying feeds, but useless during sleep - as you've discovered, it falls out!

Heathcliffscathy · 13/09/2004 16:24

cuddle imo definitely. but i have to just say to oldiemum, that leaving a baby to cry once or twice or even three times would have no effect on the development of synaptic pathways in the brain or on general cortisol (stress hormone) levels. the kind of developmental stunting that you're talking about occurs if the baby is exposed to stressful situations repeatedly on an ongoing basis (like the romanian orphans were, which is the worst kind of case like this). loving mothers that try leaving their babies to cry for a while to see don't run this risk.

not having a go in any way, just didn't want anyone out there scared that they're irreversibly traumatising their babies if they are stressed out once or twice!

GeorginaA · 13/09/2004 17:00

Thank you sophable for posting that - ds2 was very colicky to start with, and I did panic a bit after reading that - dh told me I was being silly, but much better when someone else with scientific evidence tells me that instead

aloha · 13/09/2004 18:21

Cuddles...except some babies do cry briefly before they sleep. Mine was one of them for quite a while. If I picked him up at first bleat I would actualy stop him drifting off. But if I remember rightly this was a bit later on.

aloha · 13/09/2004 18:22

By briefly, I mean I'd put him down, he'd cry, but by the time I'd walked downstairs and put the kettle on, he was off.

coddychops · 13/09/2004 18:28

i used to give him 10 minutes ont he clock

blossomhill · 13/09/2004 20:29

I was always told to wait until at least 4 months for babies to try to settle themselves to sleep. I think 5 weeks is still far too early as babies need cuddles and to feel comforted at this early age. I started putting my dd down at 4 months awake and she didn't cry and is still good at going to bed at 5yrs old.

Original poster

Quackers · 14/09/2004 11:12

well, now have bought no cry sleep solution and it's very good. no stress and worry. i can now get her to stage one and that's all i intend to do for now. she sometimes wants a dummy, usually early eve but never at night. i take the dummy out as she goes and reapeat if she wakes. it does work really well. so we never end up with the dummy in the cot now. i'll leave the next stage of settling in the cot themselves for a couple of weeks, it's something that can be done then, by reducing the amount of time cuddled and using p/up p/down method. i really never want to do cc unless necessary. i can really recommend the book though!

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