Is my toddler trying to tell me she's ready for a bed?

[Enid]

Oh dear. Dd (2.7) is still in a cot. She has always been in a sleeping bag, but now we've taken it away (too hot, she didn't want it anymore) she is climbing, precariously, out of her cot. She has suddenly got it into her head that she doesn't want to be in her cot. This is accompanied by much crying and hysterics. For the last couple of nights I have sat by the bed until she's gone to sleep.

My first instinct was to move her to a bed. But she seems so freaked out and unsettled at the moment I'm worried that it might upset her even more. The problem seems to be a fear of being alone, but the cot seems to exacerbate it. I don't mind sitting with her till she goes to sleep as she works herself up into a right pickle otherwise. I sang endlessly on the first night, but tonight all she wanted was for me sit there in silence and she dropped off pretty quickly.

So I suppose my query is...should I move her to a bed? At least she won't hurt herself when she gets out (she whacked her chin this evening), but maybe it might unsettle her even more?

Could this possibly be due to the worry about a new baby arriving????? Or is it just her age?

Enid, To me it sounds like she could be ready for a big girl bed. Especially if she is climbing out of her cot. Thats normally the best time to start the transition. Like everything else she might have to get use to the new bed and may keep getting out for a while but at least she wont fall and really get hurt when trying to climb out. I think when children get older they see their crib as a confinement rather then a place to sleep. A bed might be a great thing to try now. My two older ones started sleeping in a bed at about 2 1/2. They just always were trying to climb out and I didnt want them to fall and crack their head open. To me its the age. Shes just growing up and entering a this new stage. Good luck.

Ah. I've just gone through something very similar to this, with dd starting to hate being in her cot. With us, things changed because we went on holiday, and she chose to sleep in a bed there, in the same room as me (different beds, though). When we returned, she wouldn't settle in the cot at all, so I moved her to her bed, although I wasn't planning to so early. What I've found is that although at first she wouldn't settle without me being with her in the bed, gradually she's got really used to the freedom, and loves it (tonight I was able to cuddle up, read her a story, cuddle her a bit more, and then leave her reading her book quietly). There are lots of plus points to being in a bed, too, not least that we can really snuggle up for a story, and that a couple of times I've fallen asleep with her, quite naturally, and had a wonderful 12 hours sleep myself! I'd say it's taken us about a month to really get it right (and we're only just there, so I probably shouldn't tempt providence).

I'd say try it if she feels like it. I got the 'big bed' ready, and started by reading to her in it, then asking her if she wanted to go in the cot, or stay in the bed. If she chose the cot, then she went in the cot, but she invariably chose the bed. And for daytime 'naps' (that is if your dd still has these) I've found the big bed brilliant - she plays with her toys quietly for a bit, then, if she wants her nap, pops herself off into bed - if not, then comes downstairs. She chooses, which is wonderful. So I'd give her the choice.

Enid - I would go for the bed. You can get a 'cot side' to put on the open side of the bed if you have it up against a wall ( must admit I didn't ).
I put a stairgate across the doorway so that there was no chance of them escaping out of the bedroom when I wasn't looking.
That means she will have forgotten about the cot when the new baby needs to use it.

Last night was horrible. She wouldn't go to sleep, was crying hysterically and literally threw herself over the top of her cot everytime I put her back in. Tried everything, in bed with us, sitting with her, singing, patting, cajoling etc etc. Finally at 1am I stuffed her back in her old sleeping bag so she couldn't get out, put her in her cot and left her to cry. She fell asleep almost immediately. Woke at 6am screaming 'let me out of here' but I cruelly left her and she went back to sleep till 8.

Judging by all the replies a bed might help so we are going this afternoon to have a look for one.

Hope you have a better night tonight Enid.

Agree with the pro-bedders. The best thing about beds is that you can lie with her and read/cuddle to calm her down. I don't stay with my son till he is asleep - just wait till he is on the way. He falls asleep in our big bed, then he gets moves to his own bed later.

However, when my son throws a total wobbly I bring him downstairs again for 10 mins to quietly watch TV - he is told he will be back in bed very soon. When he is taken up, he usually settles fine.

We suffered a bedtime wobbly last night, too. But the bedroom was boiling hot, even at 9.00 pm so I couldn't really blame my son for resisting.

Don't angst about the cot bars btw - I effortlessly beat you here in the bad mother league. We have ours up still despite a third birthday looming in a week or two. No excuses because it is a cot bed. Can be converted in 10 minutes flat. I am so lazy! I should be doing this right now, not enjoying myself on mumsnet. But the toddler is such an escape artist, he can propel himself with ease over the bars - has done for a year at least with no injury. You might find than when your dd gets the hang of it, she'll hardly see the bars as an obsticle at all.

Enid - you poor thing - you must be exhausted. I have no experience of the move to a bed, so don't have any advice to offer - just sympathy. Ds has climbed out of his cot once, but never done it again, so we haven't yet moved him into a bed.

This heat can't be helping either(fos your dd or pregnant you!). We also had a very disturbed night last night, with ds up from 1.20am to 4am.... no obvious reason - just heat I think. He was fine to go to nursey this morning - whilst I went back to bed (I really can't cope on 3 hours sleep!). Should really be at work - but sleep seemed more important

Good luck with the bed hunting.

We delayed putting ds into a bed until he was about 2 & 4 months - mostly through inertia on the buying one front, and also because he wasn't actually complaining at all about his cot, even though he'd relatively successfully slept in one on holiday at 19 months.
However with new baby on way (still! for those of you following this 41 + 3 week saga....!) we needed to make the move.
We already had pine shelves/chest etc in ds's room, so we found a nice, not too pricey, lowish pine bed in Dreams bed superstore sale. I know a lot of my friends opted for 'toddler' beds which expand with time, but we were lucky that we had a big enough room for a full size single, and I always figure it makes it easier all round if you end up playing musical beds when children are sick, or even as FrancesJ says, to read stories and snuggle down with them (we're quite a 'snuggly' family I must confess!) Anyway, don't know if this is what you're looking for, but ours was a 'Lodge' bed in antique pine, and we upgraded to a slightly better mattress than the one that came with it - to a softish sprung one. We use a bedguard - you're not meant to with 'slatted' type beds, but we've always found it works OK so long as you position the guard carefully relative to the slats! I've always felt the bedguard gives them a bit of the security of a cot side, without the confinement issues.
Anyway ds LOVED his bed from Day 1 and we've luckily had very few problems.Good luck!

Maybe, if the cot is suitably constructed, Enid, you could take one side off, so your DD can still sleep in it but is able to get out as well? It could be a temporary measure until the bed arrives, at any rate.

BTW, all of mine loved their cots, none of them ever climbed out!! DS1 didn't realise for months that he could even get out of his bed - and of course we didn't tell him, hee hee!

Enid, thinking of you tonight! Believe me I know what it's like. We've had many a night of faffing/screaming! Due mainly to faffing on/off potty. Both my dds were in a bed at 22/23ms because both used to get wedged sideways and wake. I didn't do the transitional cot thing as I thought it would confuse them (we kept the cot in our room for a week or so just in case of a midnight freak out, but it never happened).I used a cot side initially on the bed and now a rolled up towel under the matress to stop "roll-off"! I'll go with everyone else and say give it a go, maybe with the security of her sleeping bag, if it's too hot take it off once she's asleep maybe? My dd2 still gets in and out of bed 5/6 times before settling (dd1 never has) but the process takes 20mins so it's not so bad and with the dawning of more understanding comes more effective encouragement (bribery!!), so I'm sure we'll get there. Good luck.

Oh, Enid, I do hope it's been easier tonight - and that if you've decided on a bed, that you've found a nice one you both like. Nights like that are so, so horrible (we've had plenty), and the muggy weather at the moment can't be helping. Like Batey says, if she's used to a sleeping bag, then that's a lovely transitional thing that she can take with her from cot to bed, if you decide to make the move. One other 'no falling out' thing, is to use a double sheet on a single bed and 'tuck her in' really firmly - if she likes that, of course. Mine is strictly 'free range'(always has been) so hates it, but I know a couple of tots who basically get tucked in so firmly that they just can't roll out. But send sympathy, anyway, you must be so, so tired, both of you, and hope very much that you both get a good long happy sleep tonight.

How did it go ??

Slightly different problem but does lead to him waking up in the evening which was previously unheard of. Ds (22 months next week) takes off his pjs; it had been just his bottoms but now his top as well. This has been going on for the last couple of months since he moved from a sleeping bag to a duvet (in preparation for move to a proper bed before no 2 comes in January). He still doesn't "manage" his duvet very well and with no clothes on he gets cold, hence the waking. He also pulls off his nappy if he can, or at least gets it unfastened and cries because it's uncomfy. What else could we dress him in for bed??

M&S do (or did) a fleecy sleepsuit with a long diagonal zip, which I would imagine would be difficult to take off.

Ds has one but a) at the moment it's too warm for him (he's still in a sleeping bag) and b) for some reason every time he wears it he has an explosive poo and it has to go into the wash after a single night (whereas we rarely have a problem with the PJs).

We haven't bought the bed yet - we're off to Ikea tomorrow (god help us!!!). Last night was better. She freaked slightly when faced with the cot, but we had deliberately had a very long winddown to bed, also NO sugar/ribena all day so she was definitely less hyper generally. She cried for a while but then went off to sleep and had a solid nights sleep till 7am.

So I am feeling more rested today and glad that I am tackling the bed issue now and without a tiny baby!

Oh forgot to say, I was desperately reading Toddler Taming yesterday for advice, and was really disappointed that the advice he gives for getting a toddler to stay in their bed is to smack them

Update if anyone's interested...took dd's cot away last night and set up the folding guest bed in her room. She was utterly calm about the cot going, in fact was clearly glad to see it go. Unfortunately she didn't sleep well and insisted I sit with her until she fell asleep, then woke up several times in the night. As long as I sat in the room she went back off to sleep...eventually. Then she came in to our bedroom at 5.50am, but we told her it was too early and she rather sweetly took herself back to bed and stayed there till 7.15am.

She was so knackered tonight that she fell asleep halfway through her story, so hopefully I might actually get a sleep longer than 3 hours tonight! Dp thinks I am indulging her by sitting in with her, but I don't mind doing it for a few nights till I feel she's more used to the whole thing.

She's generally clingier and more emotional than usual at the moment - mind you, being 30wks pg, so am I

Sounds like a good start Enid. You just need to start reducing the time you sit with her if you feel it is going to becone a problem - cs instaed of cc

She woke up and got out of bed at 3 and 5 last night - dp took over and refused to sit with her, it seemed to work as she moaned a bit but went back to sleep fairly quickly.

Hopefully things will improve through the week. I have threatened a return to the cot if she doesn't stay in her bedroom and it seems to be effective - she clearly hated being in it.

We bought a nice new blanket today which added to the appeal of the bed, and have ordered a 'proper' bed which hopefully will arrive in the next couple of weeks.

Sounds like she's ready for a bed to me too. We had to evict DS1 from his cot at 2 1/2 as we needed the cot for DS2 (6mths) who'd outgrown the moses basket and was in the travel cot. He'd shown no signs of wanting to get out - never climbed out or whinged about it - but we needed the cot! He moved into his bed quite happily and we've had no problems at all. He wanted to keep his cot sized duvet and pillow for several months though.

Good luck!

Message withdrawn

Don't want to bang on, but just thought I'd bring this thread up to date by saying that dd has slept 7.30-7.30 for the last 2 nights in her big bed! She's absolutely fine now, and when she does wake up in the night she settles back really quickly.

I'm just relieved she adjusted so well without the need for any 'strong-arm' tactics or controlled crying, and I'm glad I sat with her those first few nights - worried that I was 'spoiling' her, but she obviously needed the reassurance.

The other day she came into our bedroom at 6am - I said it was too early and she whined but went back to bed by herself. There was not a peep, when I went in at 7.30 she was sitting up 'reading' a book

My ds is 18 months and we are about to buy a bed for him as the cot is just too constraining for him. He just seems to 'bang' about in it all night and he sleeps much better with us (not that we do!). We've decided to buy a plain pine bed and saw the legs off a little to make the bed lower. I know quite a few people that have moved their kids to a bed at this age and it seems to work. Here's hoping it works for us!!