Teaching 10wk old to self-settle - is this achievable and if so, how?!

[amazonianwoman]

DS has been hard work settling since day 1 - won't ever sleep in car or pram, goes from happy to meltdown in seconds, will only sleep in cot after I've rocked/fed him into a deep sleep, which can take ages and rarely works because I have DD either running in & out of his room or screaming if I try to leave her downstairs. Even if I do get him in his cot he often wakes and needs resettling several times.

I don't have the luxury of just holding him for naps like I did with DD (who was exactly the same ) I do carry him in a wraparound sling at least once a day, and he does sleep well in that, but even that is restrictive with a toddler - she's getting increasingly jealous and hence playing up a lot.

With DD I spent probably 2-3 weeks doing gradual withdrawal at 4mths and she became an excellent sleeper after that, but I just don't know how I'm going to find the time to devote to this this time - I remember spending HOURS in her room practically in her cot, then sitting next to cot etc.

So, can a younger baby be taught to self-settle? Should it take less time cos he's younger? And how do I do it??!!

Did cc, because after three hours trying to settle her while she cried (cold turkey on the finger sucking)I decided she might as well do it in her crib as in bed with me. And I needed a wee.

40 mins intense crying followed, then she fell asleep for 20 mins, then cried again for a short time, then slept until 3.30am. Settled self very quickly after night feed - no crying.

Second night: settled self at bedtime and after night feed at 3.10 am. Too good to last.

Third night: cried for 20 mins at bedtime, but much less intensely, with many gaps, then slept. Cried (more like grizzling) for 5 mins after night feed at 3.25am, then lay and batted her crib toy for a while, then slept.

Fouth night: will let you know.

Throughout the crying, I have stayed in her room with the lights dim, and stroked her head every 5 mins. Have talked to her then and on and off throughout - the same mantra of 'Night night, sweetheart'.

Feel v guilty but it is so good to have an evening again, and be able to go in and say a proper goodnight to my other lo and have a little pillow talk with him - he has been more or less putting himself to bed for the last couple of weeks, visited briefly by me with a howling beby. Also to spend some time with DH. The extra sleep is the least of it really, but v welcome of course.

Fourth night: 15 mins much more half-hearted crying.

How are things going dueat44??

I'm happy I did this, Amazon - thanks for asking: it isn't pleasant but because we had got ourselves into such a bind with her sucking my little finger but waking every time it was withdrawn (about three hrs worth of repeated waking by the end), I think we had no choice - she wouldn't accept a dummy or rocking or co-sleeping as an alternative, and even if we'd persuaded her to accept one, we would only have had to wean her off that later.

Because I don't leave the room I find the crying bearable in that I know she's not in trouble. And when I see her stop crying to bash her crib mobile a bit, then 'remember' to cry again, I know it can't be as bad for her as it might sound from outside.

15 mins crying last night, and 5 mins grizzling after night feed. So the intervals are getting shorter and less intense. She is very smiley and chortley in the mornings, too.

Dd would never self settle, always had to be fed to sleep and this really bothered me, then one day after feeding dd for ages, my niece sneezed just after she had fallen asleep and hence woke her up. Since she was full of milk and did not seem to want any more I just left her in her cot and was over the moon when she settled herself (and it let noisy niece off the hook!) Anyway that was at about 4 months. Ds was born 12 weeks ago and self settled at first which I thought was great, but I should have known not to get too excited about it because he has become a right little mummys boy and has to be fed to sleep or in his buggy now.

hi, just wanted to add my experience. ds2 born in feb so now about 15/16wks old (!) i found the first few weeks with 2 a nightmare doing the evening routine...ds2 would usually be having his naps during the day in the phil and teds or in the car going to/coming back from nursery/toddler group but at evening time i would have two tired hungry children that i juggled dealing with and no husband until after bedtime. after about two weeks of trying to put baby down after ds1..so holding on to him while bathing ds1/reading story while he grizzled away...ds1 covering his ears crying 'too noisy' or alternatively doing the routine whith baby crying in his cot and me sweating and hurrying ds1 along i invested in something amazing but simple...a vibrating bouncy chair. i realised i needed something to but him down on that i could take from bathroom to bedroom (had been using sheepskin) and this chair seemed to really chill him out to go down in his moses basket. hes now too big for it...hes about 18lbs and i did worry about him being used to 'vbrating' to sleep. he has a soft blanket next to his face that he had in the chair and he rubs that off his face to go to sleep...i do agree that the routine of sleeping bag on/curtains closed (blackout!!) and a little cuddle really helps...sometimes he immediately cries and i go back in after a minute/or 2 pick him up shhhhhh and back down. this can happen 0, once or five times.they get used to it and need reasurrance your coming back..i also think they sometimes need a little cry/grizzle before dropping off.....god that was long!!!i may have lost the way in the middle

Thanks all, have decided to batten down the hatches and have a go at self-settling this weekend, starting Friday! He can now fall asleep in his pushchair, but still screams the minute he gets into his carseat (and continues for the entire journey - strange boy, all other babies I know love falling asleep in the car!)

Do you think he's too old/big for a vibrating chair? He's 12wks tomorrow and about 16.5lbs - still fits fine in his babybjorn bouncy chair.

I can do it, I can do it, I can do it

when i say hes too big...hes not really his feet stick over the edge..i just dont leave him in it for any real length of time..its good though cause he can watch everything...in the garden/kitchen/bathroom.

it was about 25 pounds but you'd get one cheaper on ebay.two friends who had babies around the same time got one on my recommendation and said it was a revelation!!

i think in the first few months your almost prepared to do anything to settle them but there comes a point you know that they need to learn to settle themselves (for when they come into the light sleep)..so that you don't end up with a 1yr old who needs patting to sleep (i have a friend who did)

letting them cry for 1 to say 3 mins at this age and then reassuring them worked for me..but they are not robots they are all so diff.