My 6.5 year old can't sleep the night through anymore - because she's worried !!

[scatterbrain]

Just wondered whether anyone else has experienced this.

For a few months now my dd has been a complete PITA about sleeping - she will wake at least once in the night and come in and wake us - sometimes to ask a question, sometimes for a cuddle and sometimes just because she "wants to" (in her words).

She is 6.5 - and perfectly understands that she should be asleep and shouldn't wake us unless she is ill - she can also tell the time, has a clock and knows that 7am is her "waking mummy and daddy" curfew.

I have explained how tired we are, reasoned with her, told her off, taken privileges away as punishment and done a star chart to try and encourage her to stay in bed all night. But - the only thing that works is Medised !

However - i don't want to give that to her every night !

She is very aware of the world around her at the moment - she asks whether Madeleine has been found every morning, she worries about bumps in the night and burglars, people dying and whether people like her or not. We reassure her every night that the house is locked up, no-one can get in etc. But still she worries !

Has anyone experienced this - and what did you do ??

Thanks xxxx

Anyone ?

God - is she just really weird then ? Am I making an appointment for counselling for a 6.5 yr old ???? HELP PLEASE !!!

Hi

I really don't have any experience of this (ds is too young)

I am assuming that you don't want her getting into bed with you and sleeping there for a while.

I personally would probably let her come into bed with us as long as she went straight back to sleep or at the very least lay down quietly with no messing about.
You may find that a few days of that reassures her. Then again I can understand that you are worried that may go on too long.

The resaon I say this is that I know as a kid that I and my sister often felt like this but we had each other for comfort so didn't really bug our parents.

Ds is an only so I think of at that age he needed a bit of reassurance at night I'd let him sleep with dh and me for a while - but maybe I'm setting myself up for problems [grins]

Hopefully soemone with more experience can be more help

Thanks for answering Lazycow - I was beginning to think my thread was invisible !!!

We have let her come in with us many times - but she either talks incessantly - on Thursday night for example she arrived at 3.50 and talked non-stop until 6.30 when she fell asleep 30 mins before we had to get up !

Or she wriggles and kicks etc until someone shouts at her !

Scatter - interesting...I have a dd the same age who has been waking too. I have never discussed the Madeleine news story with her or in her company, but she brought it up with me on Saturday.

She went through the 'death' worry a couple of years back when her grandad died. But this passed and maybe your DDs worry will too.

I just think it's an increased awareness of the world around them, that not everything is 'happily ever after'. I would imagine that's quite an overwhelming discovery at 6.

Oh no poor you for getting broken sleep and poor dd for being a worrier

I'm sure this is a normal stage, her understanding of the world has suddenly got so much greater, and it can be very scary.

My dd is nearly 5, but i remember - or am reminded, that when i was 7 i suddenly got really anxious about things, people dying, bad things happening.

My dd is also a worrier, - she was so bad last year that we saw a psychiatric nurse from the mental health team a couple of times. There were problems with my dps health that she was picking up on, and was making her anxious and upset. With lots of reassurance shes now much better, but i think she'll always be sensitive - with starting school she's again got lots of worries.

The medised - could it be a bit of a placebo effect? It could be that she just thinks thats working - could you substitute it with some vitamins or something, but say it's for good sleeping?

Hopefully with lots of reassurance she'll come out of it - the other thing that worked for a bit with my dd is a toy she chose, a little leapard, she called it BB the Brave, and whenever she's scared, BB gives her some of his bravery - she cuddles him at night.

good luck x

Hmmm - thanks everyone.

I am just remembering back to being 7 myself and wanted to be hugged - now I feel bad for telling her off !

Think I will sort out our spare bed tonight and if she comes in I will go and sleep with her in the spare bed - as it's a double we will have more room and hopefully get back to sleep !

It's understandable though, my dd2 keeps waking up at night and i find i'll say anything to try and get her off to sleep, bribing, pleading, telling off, at 3am your good parenting skills are still asleep.

Good luck tonight.

Scatterbrain, my DD is also 6 and we have had similar issues with her lately. She is quite obsessed with the Madeleine story, although we have tried to shield her from it. She also worries about us dying and burglers coming in etc etc. I think some children are just very sensitive and this is the age when they start to realise that not everyone is nice and sometimes bad things happen.

I don't think there is much you can do really, other than constantly reassure her.
It will pass, I hope!

Actually - I'd rather sleep with her than dh anyway as he snores like a pig and wakes me up !!

Hi Scatter - dd aged 6 goin through a similar thing. We have just moved her room around so she is next to the radiator and are leaving it on all night, which seems to help. Also swopped her duvet and told her this was a magic one which does cool things, like keep her at just the right temperature, make sure nothing gets cold, make sure the good dreams are the only ones that come in.

We did this yesterday and she slept last night through. Dont know whether this will work for long, will let you know...

Oh and fixed the blackout blind so it is quite dark in there now.

I would have a policy of leading her straight back to bed with no comment other than "bedtime" and continue to give her loads and loads of love and attention during the day.

Scatterbrain, my dd is just 6 and has been doing something similar on and off for several months.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to find she has crept into our bed. Tbh, I nearly always let her get in with us (if I hear her crying or she appears by my bedside jabbering away) although I do speak to her about it to her the next day.

6 is still so very young. I think it's very hard work being 6 years old actually.

Think she's get a massive incentive to keep disturbing you if you sleep with her in the spare bed, tbh.

Hi Scatter, no experience of this myself (mine too young yet), but my friends lo is also 6 and she does very much the same thing.

It does seem that its a phase they go through, and it seems to be mainly girls on here, which is interesting.

I hope you feel a little more reassured from the responses to your post.

Creeping quietly into bed wanting body warmth from parents I have no problem with whatsoever. My kids occasionally do that if they are feeling a bit sad or ill or just want a quiet cuddle. But it sounds like scatterbrain's dd is after talking for 3 hours. That's more like trying it on than genuine need, imo, and I think it warrants as little attention as possible.

My DS is nearly 6 and has been sleeping with me for about a year on and off. DH is in spare room! (He's another snorer so I'm not too bothered!)

But I have been trying to sort DS out - someone on here mentioned the "sleep fairy" leaving a silver coin if he was to sleep in his own bed all night. A friend tried it with her DS who is also a wanderer. Really helped them. We did it last week successfully for 3 nights. Then I went out and DH was in charge and I came home to find DS in my bed again. Next morning I asked him why and he said he wanted to give the sleep fairy a night off!

The chattering would be something that would bother me more than the wandering - DS just climbs into bed and goes back to sleep. What time does your DD go to bed? Maybe put her to bed a bit later - it sounds like she is naturally waking up and "ready to go".

My dds quite often don't want to sleep alone, they often share a room, but also we let our 7 and 5 yo dds sleep in our bedroom quite often lately, as long as they go to sleep quietly (on the floor) and don't wake us or talk to us. It's quite cosy, and they seem to get a lot of comfort out of it.

We used to cosleep as babies, and then not when they were noisy wriggly toddlers but for us it works quite well now they're a bit older as they follow the "rules" about it. and it's more relaxing than being woken up by them.

my 3yo isn't allowed in though as she'll wriggle and talk.

Another thing my sister did when her ds was 5ish was make a 'poking stick' which he could 'poke' away his bad dreams and worries. All she did was get about 14" of fur fabric, turn it into a stick/tube by sewing up the side and stuffing it. It's been used regularly ever since and he's 9 now.

That sounds cosy, fennel. My sons love to sleep with each other and with us every once in a while too. I just think it's really important that husbands/partners don't get displaced from their beds by children, that it doesn't become a license for children being complete pita, that everyone is able to rest properly and that the kids can be kicked out occasionally so that a sex life is possible.

The magic duvet/stick ideas seem very good.

I did read somewhere I think (can't remember where now) that giving children some feeling of being in control of their fears (like a magic something) can help them cope better with fears than just explaining that there is nothing to be frightened of. The fears aren't always really rational so a rational explanation of why they shouldn't be frightened often doesn't work.

Some good advice on dealing with children's fears here

children's fears

Hi everyone, Sorry have been trying to post since 12 but work network is busy as its raining - everyone on internet as they can't wander about !

Thanks for all the ideas !

Good to know it's not just her too !!

I love the idea of the magic duvet and the poking stick - might have a big chat with her later and try and get to the bottom of it all. She had said she was cold which is why she was waking - but I don't think it is that. She just doesn't seem to be able to stay asleep at the moment.

I think the Madeleine thing is really worrying her - she asks me where I think she is and what has happened to her a lot. I tried saying I don't know - but she just kept on asking - so I told her that I hoped a sad lady who had lost her own little girl had taken her - and was looking after her but that the lady wasn't thinking right and had done a bad thing.

Hmmmm - she loves watching the news - I was pleased about that - now I'm not so sure !

Scummy - I totally agree with you about setting a precedent ! I will keep spare bed for emergency use only ! dh is away next week so maybe I'll let her sleep with me for a few nights as a special treat ?

Scatter, I can clearly remember being like this when I was that age. when I was that age there seemed to be quite a lot of talk about nuclear power, and I became obsessed with WW3 and then about my parents being ill and a hundred other things. I used to sit at the top of the stairs just to hear my parents downstairs as I was convinced someone would knock on the door and try to kill them. Its taken years to stop being such a stresshead.

My dad was excellent and used to sit with me at bedtime and we would take about my fears and why it was all so unlikely I didnt need to worry etc etc and I eventually grew out of it. they never slept with me but certianly responded when I was worried and would sit on my bed with me until I was settled again.

I hope she gets better, being worried as a child is just horrible.

Sounds lovely, sb. I would go the fennel route though and be clear that keeping you awake will result in everyone decamping to their own beds asap!