How to get DD sleeping

[kbaby]

Ok, this follows on from the advice needed thread.

How can I get DD to sleep for longer than 1 hour and also on her own. Shes too young to do cc. Is there any other way. Ive heard about pick up put down which is a baby whisper method but it doesnt mention anything in her book on how to do it.

Anyone know how its done and how long it could take or any other ways.
Thanks

Hi kbaby, how old is your dd??

Kbaby,

I have done rhe baby whisperer pick up put down method with my dd and it did appear to work - still does to a degree. Not sure though now whether I've added my own little bits to it - but here's what I have done - hope it helps....

Bascially when dd cried before going to sleep, I used to first try and settle her odwn without picking her up by stroking her head, patting her tummy etc. If that didn't calm her down, I would pick her up but as soon as she stopped crying and calmed down, put her back down again. If she started to cry again when put down, pick her back up again but as soon as she stops crying, put her back down. Continue until when you put her down, she doesn't cry anymore. Baby whisperer seems to think that you may have to repeat this a lot (she cites 30 times as an example!!) initially but eventually it should reduce to virtually nothing. Alongside this I also did the head stroking/tummy patting thing each time I put her down to see if she would calm down herself without being picked up again. can't recommend it enough as an alternative to CC when the babies are still young.

Let me know if you have any other questions about it though.

Other thoughts - is the 1 hour sleep time during the day or is she waking up after 1 hour when you put her down in the evening. If it's during the day - then why worry at all. my dd would never sleep for more than an hour at a time during the day - I just split the sleep up into a morning, lunchtime and afternoon stint to make sure she got enough when she was little.

If it's at night - then I definitely recommend the pick up put down thign.....

If it is at night then I agree for you to try the pupd method.
I saw BW the other day & it had pupd on it.
She siad that the she picked up the baby over a hundred times and that is not unusual.
Iv been told that some babies just get really confused by it.Thay just get even more upset.I do think that if you persist with it though it can be very successful.What sort of cry is it when you put baby down.Is it a wingy cry or is it an outrageous cry when she wakes?
Have you tried seeing if she will settle herself?
Have you tried swaddling her or do you?
Have you tried a musical attachment to the cot which you can activate everytime its sleeptime?
I have a musical rabbit which I pull when its sleeptime and i close the curtains & say night night Mr sunshine & I give ds his Cusky (comfort toy place on his chest)then say I love you see you in the morning.If he wakes I repeat the rabbit ,kusky & I love you bit & walk out.I keet doing it til he settles.I did do this from very early so he understands when he hears rabbit it is not time to get up yet!
hth

Is she crying when you put her down to sleep? If so, sorry if I'm being obvious, but does she have tummy ache? The amount of times that my DD has crid when put down to sleep and as soon as I pick her up and pat her back she brings up the most enormous man-sized burp! Is she tired when you put her down? (again, soz if obvious! I do try to wear my DD out a bit ..) Also, is she in your room? If she's quiet when you you put her down but awake, try getting into bed yourself and see if this settles her. If it does and she drifts off, either get some much-needed extra sleep yourself or sneak out quietly... We've been through all sorts of shinannigins (just how do you spell that?) and DD now sleeps really well - just put her in her cot, her thumb goes in her mouth and in seconds she's away. I'm not sure what we did to get here, have to say I think it just happened. That's not much help though!

Thanks, in answer to everyones questions
DD is 9 weeks old
She will always wake after 1 hour from a nap but it has also started to happen at night time
Handbagaddiction- How long did it take you before you were able to just pat and sshh her?
The type of cry is a grizzle and then she sleeps, if she wakes up and i try to settle her back it will then be an all out cry eventually leading to her choking!! sometimes as soon as I lower her to lay her down she starts the all out cry.
I started to swaddle her but was advised by hv not to due to sids. So I bought a grow bag but she wakes up the minute I lay her down so were now back to swaddling.
I have a winny the poo lullaby which I play at bed time, this works at first and she will fall asleep but if she wakes crying then it doesnt do anything. Ive also tried stroking her face or tapping her and that doesnt work either if shes upset.
When she was younger it would sometimes be wind that was waking her up but that seems to be better now. When its time for sleep we used to go and lie on the bed next to her stoking her face and playing the lullaby and she would fall asleep but again once she woke after 1 hour she screams until she is picked up.If i hold her she falls straight back off to sleep until laid down again.
I moved her into her own room last night as she is a light and restless sleeper and is keeping me and Dp awake just by all her movement and hand sucking noises.

Kbaby, just remembered another trick. When I was in hospital, an "old school" midwife advised me to lay DD down on her back but with the crib on a slight angle. She swore by it, and maintained babies were happier on an angle - I have to admit, my DD did always seem happier this way. Can you put something under one end of her mattress to prop it up slightly? It may be worth a try!

kbaby, with regard to daytime sleep, at that age my dd did do some mega long sleeps, up to 3 hours. But very soon after she completely changed and only ever slept for about 45 mins a time, so I gave her 3 naps a day. In terms of night time, I'm guessing you've got your feeding routine sorted out so you know if she's hungry or not? When you say she wakes and grizzles but then cries if you pick her up, what happens if you don't pick her up etc.? Might she just grizzle for a bit and go back to sleep without your intervention? It's probably an obvious suggestion but I'm just thinking back that it took a while for dd to be able to sleep a solid block of time in the night and I realised that she did make noises and was sort of trying to settle herself and whatever intervention I made she'd end up waking fully and then be very fed up. In terms of pu/pd I only did that with dd when she had a sleep problem at about 15 months and it was a disaster but I think she was maybe too old for it at that point. It seemed to infuriate her that I picked her up but didn't let her stay up if you see what I mean. In your dd's case it might work a treat. Good luck!

Kbaby,

Agree with stangerthanfiction about ensuring first that the nighttime sleep waking isn't due to hunger - especially if she seems to be sucking her hands. And I also agree that the pupd stuff is better when they're younger - although we still use it odd occasions on dd now (10 months) and it still works.

To be honest though, I can't remember when dd was able to be settled by patting only - but it was after an amount of pupd first. Sorry that's probably not much help! However if it's any consolation, DD also went through stages of crying so much that she then made herself sick - once all over a friend who was babysitting for us at the time and sometimes even dh couldn't calm her down, it was only me!! But the waking up at night time soon after going down appeared to be just a phase that she eventually got through and we just made sure that we were consistent in our behaviours towards her, i.e always using pupd and talking to her about going to sleep, etc. rather than trying rocking or taking her outside of the room to try and settle her.

kbaby theres a night light in the argos cat pge 892 its called the baby lulabye light its supposed to have a sensor on it it lights up and plays a lulaby for five minuites then turns itself but it senses a baby's cry then lights up and plays the lulaby and keeps reapeating until the babys asleep hth

hello im new to the site. i have an 8 month old that still sleeps wth me ., and as a consequence only falls asleep after a feed.And wakes up after 2o mins if i leave her!ive tried 4 days of controlled crying and gave up.she screams and gets really upset, and hits her head on the side of the cot trying to find me which increases her anguish.it all feels a little overwhelming,trying to get her to sleep on her own, and used to being in the cot.
and we both need some sleep!
are there any nicer routes anyone has found than the screaming all night one??

miku, when you say 'leaving her to scream' do you mean controlled crying? If so, have you followed a particular regime for doing it, like the one in Richard Ferber? Because there is no way you have to leave them to scream in fact that's not the way at all. When we had to do some cc with dd at 15 months (after trying EVERYTHING I might add, and she'd previously been sleeping well for over a year) we did it in an incredibly gentle way and although it was still hard for us to deal with it was much better than all the other things we tried which just seemed to make dd more unhappy than ever, and it did work. Within 2 days there was a huge difference and within a week she was back sleeping really well. I guess it might be harder for you as your dd is used to sleeping with you. I think there are probably quite a few threads about how to stop co-sleeping on this board.

my Ds used to bang his head on his cot and we started him sleeping with us. now at 14 months i have just started to try and break him of this, i have had his bed section of cotbed in our room for past month and has slept for 2 nights on trot, so at weekend i will be moving his bed into his own room, are u sure your Dd isnt freting over the bars around her cot as that was why my son wouldnt settle in his cotbed, once the bars were off as long as i sit on bottom of his bed till hes asleep, he sleeps, he woke up about 3amevery night for first few weeks and i transfered him to my bed but this past week he seems to be sleeping longer

Strangerthanfiction,yeh-i meant controlled crying.it involved her crying,me leaving her for up to 10 mins before picking her up, getting her back to sleep and putting her back in the cot again.on the 3rd night,she began really crying and getting upset as i tried longer and longer periods before going in to her...up to 30 mins, by which time i felt really cruel and fraught, and she was pretty upset.i began to feel like it was some tortuous situation!a friend with twins has been really hard with her kids, and they sleep from 6.30, with one wakeup generally, and in their own cots.
shes been ill recently with flu, so thats taken everything out of sorts too.

miku, I don't mean to sound pedantic, but from my experience you need to follow a particular cc regime completely to the letter for it to work properly, if you don't it can make things very hard etc. For instance, Richard Ferber's theory says to never pick them up out of the cot if you're doing cc. So with dd, we'd go in after short periods (started with 2 mins, 4 mins, 6 mins) and just speak to her very soothingly, stroke her head, tell her we loved her, that everything is ok, remind her it was time to sleep and leave. She was a lot older than your dd though, I don't know if that makes a difference. But when we did the picking up type stuff I just found it completely confused her, she didn't know if she was going to be 'released' from the cot or not and to keep her in the cot was more consistent in the long run.

Actually, having just re-read your post miku, I recommend you read Richard Ferber's book, the chapter on sleep associations, because what you say you were doing about leaving your dd then picking her up, getting her back to sleep and putting her down again is totally against the principles of cc which is about teaching them to sleep without our intervention. If you always 'help' her to sleep, she won't be able to do it alone and will get upset if you leave her to it.

ok, thanks STF.To be honest, i was just going by what other mums told me, and i agree, it has sent us both into confusion!so tomorrow im gonna get that book, and also Baby Whisperer.
its a relief to know that actually it was the wrong method, cos my gut feeling was that it DEFINATELY was!and im feeling alot more positive too!thanks again

miku, I really do recommend just the one main chapter in Ferber called 'sleep associations' or something close to that. A lot of the rest of the book might not apply to you just yet but that chapter really made sense to me and dp when we were at our wits end trying to understand the problem and how to 'fix' it. I think if you do decide to follow it through it's vitally important to stick to it and be consistent and even if the first couple of days are lousy and heart-breaking, keep it in your mind that it won't last, this method is totally tried and tested and in tehe long term you'll be teaching your dd how to sleep alone and feel secure about it.

Keep us posted as to how you get on?

kbaby, how are things going with you now? Sorry for this brief hijack.

ill keep you posted! sorry about the hijack too...it wasnt til later i found out how this worked, so sorry kbaby!hope alls going well.....wish i was doing what you are doing when my DD was 9 wks old!

kbaby DD has just started during the last couple of weeks to settle herself at night time. At first we had to do the patting. Then we got to the stage where she would cry (grizle really) on and off for 20 minutes or so before settling herself. Be very sure that you need to go to her before you do.

Can't help you with naps I'm afraid because DD is nowhere near there. 20 minutes in cot if put down asleep is about the limit generally. I think the difference is that right from when DD's cord dropped off she has had a bedtime routine of bath with DS followed by feed and bed but I haven't managed to establish a nap routine.

Hi,
Its still the same. Ive been trying to do a routine of napping in the cot and I sit by the side stroking her head etc. Friday I did manage to get her to go back down for another 1hr. Not sure if it was a one off mind.
I leave her grizzle and will only pick her up if she starts really crying.

Last night she would not go to sleep even though she was knackered as she hadnt slept since 3pm. In the end I put her in the moses basket and she grizzled for about 30 minutes I just sat by the side sshhhing and stroaking her head until she eventually went off.

The thing with the 45 minute nap limit is that she is still tired when she wakes up and if I rock her she drops straight back off to sleep.

kbaby, so if you rock her and she goes back to sleep, will she stay asleep when you put her down? If so, then rock her. She's much too young to worry at all about 'bad habits' in my opinion. When dd was tiny I used to breast feed her to sleep, let her sleep on my knee or in the pram or on a cushion on the lounge floor in the daytime. At night I had her in a moses basket until she was almost 4 months old (she wasn't very big!), then transferred her to her cot. When she woke in the night I just fed her and she'd go back to sleep. By 4 months she was sleeping through the night mostly, sometimes having a feed which I always just provided. And by 6 months she rarely woke in the night at all. I'm just saying this to show you that you can be as kind as you like in these early months without it having a long-term effect.

Do you mean when you say that she wakes after an hour that she does this all night long? If so you must be exhausted. If this is mostly in relation to daytime sleeps I wouldn't worry, just give her more sleeps. I think it can take a while for them to start sleeping through the 45 minute moment of lighter sleep. It did with my dd I know.

Actually I've remembered that when dd was about 3 months old and was doing her worst 45 min. limit sleeps I used to lie her on our bed to sleep and when she woke up she'd really cry quite hard. At first I used to go straight in but could never get her back to sleep. A friend told me that if they wake up from a nap crying it means they haven't had enought sleep, so one day I tried leaving her just very briefly for about 2 minutes and she went straight back to sleep for 2 hours. So I sort of got used to the fact that she'd wake after 45 mins, shout a bit, then nod off again. I actually don't think she was even properly awake when she did it. I would never have left her at that age though if I thought she was in real distress.

Strangerthanfiction,
For her naps she will wake after 45 mins and if I rock her she will go back to sleep but if I try and put her back in her moses basket she wakes straight back up. I used to just let her sleep on my lap but im afraid that she will get used to it and then wont ever sleep in her cot.
Heres what we did yesterday;
Slept 10-10.45 in cot
Slept 12-1 in car seat while out
4pm Fell asleep on lap, laid in cot and woke straight back up grizzling, I left her lie there as she wasnt really crying, after about 1hour I rocked her to sleep and laid her back down. Again she woke back up and she started playing and gurgling to herself, and then finally after another 30 minutes she started to really cry at which point I picked her up. So after 2 hours of being in her cot and me knowing shes tired she didnt sleep. She finally went to sleep at 9pm

Thankfully the 45 minute thing only seems to happen in the day. At night she generally will go to sleep after feeding rocking etc and will then sleep until her next feed. She is in her own room though as she was such a restless sleeper she was keeping me awake all night by her fidgeting.