So babies sleeping through the night isn't a myth!

[onedayimightforget]

I've just met someone at a baby group whose baby has slept through the night since two months and can settle himself to sleep without someone in the room. I thought these people didn't really exist.

^

[MadgeMak]

That's bollocks, cath. My youngest took all his daytime naps and early evening sleep in the sling, and we co-slept during the night. He's a champion sleeper now and has been from around 10 months old. My eldest, I didn't use a sling and didn't co sleep until out of desperation did so when she was 18 months, and she slept through from then on going happily into her own bed by age 2.

[onedayimightforget]

It's almost 3am. DD slept in her cot for 5 hours which I think is the longest stretch she has ever slept and definitely the longest she has slept in her cot. The only problem is that she woke up at 2am and now she thinks it's play time. I'm currently having the shit kicked out of my thighs while she fidgets next to me, occasionally stopping to look up at me and coo and grin! This is the longest I've been up with her in the night for ages!

[cathf]

Madgemac, it's not bollocks, I am talking generally, not about specific babies. As I have said, there are some babies who are bad sleepers and nothing can be done about it. I recognise that. I also recognise that some babies will respond well to sleeping anywhere, and this will not affect their sleeping patterns.
Having said that, I'm not sure being a good sleeper from 10 months is that impressive really. The target up to very recently used to be 3 months.

[cathf]

Oneday, why did you not put her back in her cot and leave her to it? Why are you rewarding her by bringing her into bed with you?
It is do fundamentally obvious to me that this will not encourage your baby to sleep through, but I am starting to think I am in a minority of one here.

[MadgeMak]

Cath, my eldest slept through for the first time and consistently once we started co sleeping so why are you so certain that OP's baby won't sleep through because of the co sleeping?

[onedayimightforget]

My point is that she sleeps better when she co-sleeps. She was feeding on and off which is why I didn't put her in her cot, but she was just wide awake while she was doing so, whereas when she sleeps next to me she barely wakes, has a feed without the kicking, smiling and cooing and then dozes off again.

[onedayimightforget]

I don't think feeding a small baby is "rewarding them", I think it's a basic need that should be fulfilled.

[Passmethecrisps]

I used to despise this discussion coming up at baby groups. Because I had a sleeper and everyone gave me dagger eyes for it.

She was 5 weeks old when she did a 5 hour stretch for the first time. I lay awake listening to her breathing and frantic that something was wrong. The second night she went 8 hours and that was how she continued.

She was under consultant care for severe reflux and cmpi and had started meds just a week before. The consultant shrugged and said "if she is hungry she will wake". She never had a night feed again.

I did nothing to create this situation and believe that it was her and her alone. The wee soul had been in hospital for days before hand and sleeping poorly so in the first instance I think she was just absolutely knackered.

But my point before was that other people bring it up. "Is she a good baby?" "Is she good for you?" "Does she sleep well?" Used to strike fear into my heart. I don't want people wishing me a rotten teenage stage - I didn't bring it up and I haven't stolen their sleep.

In the end I lied and said she was up all the time. I realised people don't want the truth, they want company and empathy

[onedayimightforget]

I really don't begrudge anyone having a good sleeper crisps. As others have said, what's annoying is the implication that if you have a bad sleeper you're doing something wrong.

[orangebird69]

I've not bothered attempting to put my ds in his cot for about 3 weeks now. He had an ear infection and 2 molars come through and would not tolerate the cot. We're cosleeping all night again. He woke 4 times between 11pm and 6am. Shame on me for 'rewarding' my son with some comfort

[Passmethecrisps]

I hear you! It goes both ways as well actually weirdly enough.

Comments about how she was fed "it's the formula. Sort hard for her tummy to digest. . . "
"Have you trained her?"
"Do you leave her to cry? You must!"

At the end of the day we are all just doing what we need to do. I introduced all sorts of things to keep the precious sleep as I was promised by so many that it wouldn't last - dummy, swaddling, sleep sheep - and as she grew and her needs changed they all came and went.

I have never judged anyone who co-slept, wore slings, danced naked while playing pan pipes . . . As I have no clue what they or their baby needs.

[cathf]

Orange, you know as well as I do that we are not talking about poorly babies on this thread.

[onedayimightforget]

Wait, does dancing naked while playing pan pipes work?!

[Passmethecrisps]

At 3am anything is worth a try!

[orangebird69]

😂😂😂

[orangebird69]

He's not poorly anymore. We've coslept almost every day for at least half the night since day 1. I don't subscribe to any kind of sleep training and co sleeping brings more sleep than tears.

[cathf]

Orange, good for you. If you are happy with that, fine. It's up to you.
Just don't complain about it when your 5 year old is not sleeping

[orangebird69]

Who says he won't be?

[penguinsdontquack]

Well said passmethecrisps !!

[cathf]

Well, neither of us know, do we? As long as you realise you MAY be storing uo problems for later on, that's fine. Of course, you may not be, who knows?

[orangebird69]

You seem to think you do.

[onedayimightforget]

cathf As others have said on here, previously great sleepers have suddenly become unsettled nightmares for no rhyme nor reason so you could just as easily have a sleepless 5 year old. Would that then be your fault? Maybe you've just been lucky and maybe others, including myself, are just unlucky.

[Haworthiia]

Why are you rewarding her by bringing her into bed with you?

This, I think, is the major difference of opinion. I don't see it as rewarding them - they aren't Machiavellian little plotters, angling to manipulate. They are tiny babies who need comfort. Even older kids need comfort. It's a need. As they get older it might become more of a want. But at that tiny stage it's among the most basic of needs.

cathf I was never allowed in my parents bed at all - I had terrible nightmares and used to just lie awake terrified in the dark. If I was that frightened at an older age, how bad must a tiny one feel? I have lifelong sleep problems- I wonder how much it's down to insecure sleep as a little one? Being alone is death for a vulnerable infant in evolutionary terms. Being left would mean predation or exposure. We have been sleeping next to our little ones for thousands of years. Separate rooms are a very recent thing.

Incidentally my mother has exactly the same opinion as you on sleep (leave them to it, own room, don't pander to them etc.) she also thinks I'm spoiling my son by co sleeping, or comforting etc. When I tried to explain that he was welcome in our bed any time he was sad or afraid she became very defensive.

It's not rewarding them - they need it.

[Kitsa]

Cathf ooooh people like you infuriate me. Closeness is good for babies. Crying (without being held) IS bad for them, science tells us this. Want to do it your way, fine, but stop telling others they're doing it wrong. I think YOUR way is wrong, and bad for your kids, but would never have said so if you weren't being so pushy.

[Kitsa]

"... do wonder how happy they will be to continue doing this when 'baby' is 3/4/5 because that's all the child knows."

Not how it works, actually.