Every night feels likes a lifetime

[ThursdayLastWeek]

DS is nearly 7mo and his lack of sleep is getting me down.

I feel like I have troubleshot everything, but nothing works.

Dummy worked for a while - no longer.
In cot/co sleeps - still wakes frequently.
BF or FF - wakes frequently.
In the last week I started to put him down on his front which worked for two nights (well he still woke twice for feeds, but that's good for him) but now that's stopped working too.

I'm really at the end of my tether. He's currently rolling around my bed, chewing the dummy and squealing. And I keep thinking 'I hate him' - and then of course I hate myself

I know people will say it will get better he won't be like this forever, but every single night feels like a lifetime right now. And I can't cope.

Hi

I almost didn''t post as it is so long since DS was like this (he is 11 now) but I do remember the awful feeling that "I hated him". Of course I didn't but in the middle of the night when he was awake for hours on end, it sometimes felt like it,

Regardless of breastfeeding (he always took the breast but was often awake afterwards) , shhsing, cuddling, rocking (or whatever we were trying that month!) , he was awake more than asleep every night between the ages of about 3 months and 6 months.

Then we had a short period where he woke 1-2 times a night but settled easily after a feed (this was bliss!) but then his sleep got worse again at about 10/11 months until he was about 19 months old. But this coincided with when I went back to work 3 days a week so the night waking was pretty clearly associated with that.

He eventually started sleeping between 11pm and about 4/5am at about that age (more than 18 months but not quite 2 years old) BUT he didn't suddenly start doing this every day. He did it once (I really panicked when I woke up the first time he did it ), then he did the same every week or so then every few days until eventually he slept through more than he didn't by about 2 years old.

We were still woken by a "singing/chatting" toddler at about 4/5am every morning without fail though until he was about 3-4 years old. He didn't cry and we trained him to stay in his bed (with a fantastic bunny alarm clock) but I would hear him anyway and would be awake from when he was as I couldn't get back to sleep with all the singing/shouting/chatting.

All I can say is he was worth it, though it didn't always feel like it at the time.

I breastfed until ds was 2 years old and maybe giving it up might have helped but I really don't think so. After about 6-7 months old, breastfeeding never seemed to help get ds to sleep anyway and it seemed cruel to take that away when I had just started work and he was seeing less of me during the day .

We did try cranial massage/osteopathy when DS was about 1 year old. We did about 6-8 sessions and he did seem to improve a bit but really I think Ds just grew out of it.

He is still not a great sleeper and has a lot of trouble falling asleep. The good thing however is that even at almost 12 years old and having started secondary school, it isn't too difficult to get him up at 6.30am for school. He was also no problem to get up at all in primary school, in fact he was usually my alarm until the end of year 6. when he started sleeping a little bit later (more like 7.30am/8am rather than 6am)

I am sorry I don't have any useful advice (it is too long ago to remember what we tried ) but I wanted to say that some babies have more trouble sleeping than others and that you are doing great. It really really will pass. , though I appreciate that is of very limited help at the moment for you. Here, you probably need them all -
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Thank you for taking the time to post bumbling.
I have to admit, the thought of it going on for such a long time as your experience has got me rather scared. How on earth did you cope? Was it hourly for that long? I honestly wouldn't be able to cope for that long and am praying (even though I am not religious) that the hourly/2 hourly wakings will stop very soon...

Oh verytired my lovely I can only too well understand how your partners behaviour must have made you feel

With DS1 I got so frustrated and cross and sad and irrational. I had a bad birth experience with him and basically every MW &HV we saw told DH to look out for PND because it it. Then I would get cross because I just wanted him to understand that sometimes I just have to EXPRESS (ie: this very post).

Sorry. In my roundabout way I was trying to say - communicate. Pick a time when you're at your least tired and most rational. Try to understand that he probably isn't deliberately underminding you, is probably trying to help in a crack handed way. Then talk.

Tangledg and Starspotter thank you so much for your replies.
It really does help just to know others understand. My best friend moved away (ironically, to become a midwife) 2 years ago and I don't really have anyone else to vent at (other than OH who seems to give the impression that while it would be difficult, he would cope so much better).
I'm not planning on dropping naps, no matter what he says as I don't think that's what's waking baby at night. I'll just have to hope he grows out of it. to you all.
I love this thread. People on this sleep board are so supportive.

Thanks Bumbling. It's good to know they grow out of it eventually. It's just hard being in the middle of it, as User147 said.
I hope our little ones both grow out of it soon User147.

Thank you Imsoverytired.
I have to say that what your hubby did sounds very, dare I say it...mother in lawish! It does sound like he was trying to help but in a very non communicative way. Poor you. You are doing fabulously so stick to your guns.

Thanks Thursday. I know he's probably trying to help, in his own way. He did give me a cuddle earlier (and asked if I was a bit depressed ).
He's not good at just listening to me have a moan (like your OH), he seems to think I'm asking him to find a way to fix it, or suggesting he's not doing enough. All I want is a 'there, there you're doing fine' and a hug.
I am a bit better now. Thanks to food and all the kind words on here.
Baby is napping and I'm trying to think of a way to get a full dose of calpol in him tonight as he spat out a lot last night.

Imsovery it's hard when they try to fix everything- because you don't need fixing! You are doing an amazing job at what is really the hardest job I've ever done - you need warrior spirit to get through it so sometimes that might come out as swearing. It is totally, 100% normal to resent your baby sometimes. The great thing about us mothers is that we just keep on keeping on regardless. It's our overall actions that define us, not a constant glow of maternal sweetness and light.

Thenewwave I know what you mean about the spare room - if DH sleeps there then DS and I get a wee bit more sleep, but not sure it's worth it for how it makes DH feel...
Thursday we have found the same with the tummy thing too.., I got all excited that we'd found the cure, but it lasted 3 hours, then back to normal. DS will only go to sleep in his tummy, but he keeps flipping over into his back and won't put himself on his tummy. AAAGGGGHH!
Good luck tonight everyone.

Rebecca dh skips merrily to the spare room, pillow under his arm, and awakens like a Disney princess. Makes me sick.

Right friends - tonight DS has gone to sleep on his belly, with a full 6oz of formula in his tummy, coupled with 2.5ml of baby ibuprofen after a couple of stories...

...and right in the middle of me writing this post he did his first fucking wake up!

Good luck everyone! I got stung by an wasp and chased by a dog while I ran this morning, so karma owes me a good night right? RIGHT?

Sorry if it's already been mentioned but could you try night weaning? Get dh to go instead of you (so dc can't smell your milk) and offer water in a bottle. Dc should get bored very quickly and won't bother waking up any more. We did this and THEN after a while we did controlled crying to make bedtime easier. But one step at a time.

DS2 has taken 3 hours to settle (no joke) and woke up after half an hour, he is now refusing to go back down. I can tell I'm in for a rough night! Good luck everyone else!

Placemarking - glad to have found this thread today

Our little guy has gone down having his bottle, so no tears tonight. Fleecy pj's so he's not cold when he kicks the blankets off. He had very little sleep today due to badly times visitors and trip out, so he should be nice and tired. He's usually ok I'm the evenings, it's the 1-4 stretch that he likes to party!
With dm today she reminded me of an old tip, she used to put Vick/snuffle baby under my brothers nose and it stopped him having bad dreams. Also I have heard that Vick on the baby's feet under the baby gro also helps although I've not tried this - perhaps we should start trying out all the old wives tales in case any of them work!?
Hope everyone has a better night tonight, I've got everything crossed!

Oh tangled that sounds so shit.

Danger - night weaning is on my hit list of trouble shooting options, but I dint think we're quite ready for it yet. DH is worried about the impact it will have on DS1 sleep which I understand - I can easily see a future in which I convince him though!

Haha, Vicks to stop bad dreams? I've never heard that before, I have slathered snufflebabe on feet to relieve coughs in the last, I wouldn't swear it worked though!
I love snufflebabe, smells sooooooo good.

I'm addicted to sniffing Snufflebabe too. I've put it on my babe's feet tonight for all the good it will do. Desperately clutching at straws. 1.5hrs of feeding and awake twice already.
Oh and controlled crying - I've done extensive reading and I can't do it. Was rubbish at it with my first too. It's not for me, but I know people who've had amazing success with it. I need to nightwean but feel bad with the teeth issue hovering.
Stay strong sistas. We can rock this no sleep shit!

You know I'm going to be putting snufflebabe on DS feet tomorrow night even though you'll all have told me it made no difference to you!

Desperation really is a powerful motivator

Oh mate! I've only read the first page and I will defo get flamed but weetabix might help?! My little dd was a bit like yours and wouldn't sleep for more than two hours and we gave her a weetabix at about half six after her bath and she started to go through a bit more.
(Hug) x

Thanks Alice.
I'm having a similar night Thursday. Down at 6-30 and so far he's woken 5 times. Sorry to hear about the wasp sting, those buggers can be painful.
You're right, karma owes you at least a few hours sleep in a row.
How does everyone get calpol into their babies? Mine spits it out! He only had a third of the dose, he should have. I tried mixing it with fruit purée tonight but no luck.

I'm lying next to a (for now) sleeping DS and pondering whether to dig out the snuffle babe and try and get some on his feet ninja styley by undoing the sleep suit poppers... Probably best not!!

I have to agree about the weetabix, if they will eat it, its quite a desired taste/texture isn't it? There's also a night time milk which worked with my ds1, haven't tried for some reason with ds2, with a sort of slow release grain in it. Definitely getting that tomorrow!
Controled crying obviously has its supporters and it doesn't agree with everyone. We did it with ds1, but haven't even considered with ds2, as I don't think he's ready. You can definitely start it though, and start doing daytimes instead of nighttimes. So, put the baby in the cot, go and clean the bathroom or something else upstairs like putting clothes away, and keep checking on them at set intervals. You don't have to see it through til they sleep if they get distressed, but they might sleep. My ds does do most daytime sleeps like this, and I sort of naively hope that this means he does know how to do it, he will eventually do it at night! (I think he is older than some of your babies though, he is nearly 1). Somehow it seems less horrific in the day, you don't have to worry about waking neighbours or other children, and you don't have to sit in the dark listening to them, you can do things while you wait/listen. If you do try it its worth doing it before they can stand in the cot, because once they stand up its virtually impossible to get them to lie down once you leave the room. I know on here some people really frown upon Cc, but I never left mine to scream and scream for ages, it's more like a few minutes at a time. It definitely worked for us and ds1.
I have also used lullabies from YouTube, there's some really long tracks which my ds likes. I like the lullaby versions of blur and oasis tracks.....

Re calpol- if you get the 6+ calpol it is twice the strength so you only need to give half the amount dose iyswim. Eg. My ds has 5ml of baby but only 2.5ml of 6+. That might help if they just spit it out? (If you are going to do this please don't trust my calculations, please double check for yourself just in case I am wrong)

Hello, lovely Checkers no flaming to be had here, we're all desperate enough to at least consider everything! And yes, a little supper is something I will be considering as soon as we can get our evening routine a bit more streamlined - I can never seem to find enough time 4.30-7.30pm, it's like a vortex!

Thanks verytired. Stupid wasp.
Haha rebecca IME you don't need to wake them to try something new - they'll give you an opportunity before too long