15 weeks old - why is it that all the other babies sleep through?!

[Billysboobs]

ds is 15 weeks and I only seem to talk to mums whose babies have been sleeping through since 5 weeks. I'm fed up with the number of people who sound surprised when they ask and I tell them he doesn't sleep through. We were on holiday last week and I thought sod the 'routine' - it's such hard work getting him down in the evening... I usually start at 6pm with a feed, in a darkened room, and it takes up to three hours - more on a bad night, and I'm so relieved when I finally get him to sleep before 9pm on a good night. I'm 'guilty' of using props - feeding to sleep, or rocking to sleep - but on odd occasions he has put himself to sleep. On holiday last week I thought, I refuse to spend every evening in a dark room rocking or feeding to sleep, so I put him down on his playmat in the lounge and he fell asleep after an hour (10pm), and the lights were on and the tv was on and I thought HA! all these evenings spent sitting in dark bedroom. We scooped him up and put him in his cot, and he slept until 5am. The next night similarly he slept from 9pm until 5am. I thought - blimey this is it, we will have to move here and ds will have to sleep in a travel cot forever! BUT after those two hope-filled nights we are back to spending hours trying to get him to sleep (dh is in the bedroom with him now - he wants to try some cc, but I just don't know) and then he still wakes up sometimes at 12am, but pretty much always around 3am-4am and then again at 6am-7am. He usually goes back in his cot no fuss and back to sleep (which is at least one good thing).

I'm tempted to vaguely try Gina Ford again (it's me who hates the routine really, I suppose). But what are you supposed to do if it takes 3-4 hours to settle them in the cot in the first place? Wake them up at 11pm for another feed anyway - as if I could!!!!

If anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it. I'm sorry about the rambling nature of this message - I just feel better getting it all down in writing, however it all comes out. Sometimes I just feel so low with it all and feel like a complete failure. Other times I feel top of the world and think to hell with it - all babies are different and I will keep at it until he grows through it, and then I read the messages here and realise it could be years!

It's funny isn't it - the one thing we love to do as adults is sleep - you would think that babies would just want to enjoy it and close their eyes and get as much as they can???

Well thanks in advance for any advice.

(PS I've read Gina Ford and Baby Whisperer and the one about the 'core sleep' - I hear can't stop thinking about all the things that I am doing 'wrong' during the night feeds!)

Well, it's four yeasrs ago since I went thru this, but I'd make these comments.

It sounds to me like he doesn't much like his bottle at 6 p.m. Have you tried a bottle any other time, does he mess about with it then too? Think about it, breastfeeding is warm and comforting, just what you need at the time to settle down to sleep. I suggest he doesn't like the formula, or he doesn't like the teat. I'd stick with a b/f if you can.

My ds was never put to bed at 6 p.m. He was up with us in the living room until 8 at the earliest (I remember him sitting in his rocking chair watching University Challenge one evening. He was fascinated as the face on the t.v. changed every few seconds). He often went to sleep in the living room.

I found he slept thru better if we left a radio on VERY quietly outside his room. It seemed that once we settled to sleep, the quietness of the house woke him. Worth a try.

Try a dummy, I honestly don't think they do any long term harm. If a child finds it comforting, then let him be comforted. It seems cruel not to (on all of you).

I'm not a huge believer in rigid routines, simply because they cause you stress in the long term. As the evenings get longer and warmer you might want to go out somewhere, and the first time you get invited to a wedding or something you panic because it'll wreck ds's routine. Life is for living, and flexibility is important. I'm afraid we may be raising a generation of obsessives, as babies they were so ridgidly brought up

But finally, as everyone else says, don't keep comparing your child to others, we're all different. Oh and if you are comparing to those who are much older, we ALL forget the early development stages (thank goodness, or nobody would have more than one child).

it was years ago for me but in a v similar situation we tried a dummy and it was a lifesaver!We had no trouble getting rid of it either so don't worry

My DS2 is 8 months and last night he got me up 8 times

Usually it's just the four
hehehehehehehehehoohohohohohohohooo

Just a couple of possible suggestions which helped me. I used the maws variflow teats even on Avent bottles. Don't know what you are using but I found both of mine drank easier and quicker with those teats. Also both of mine have a soft woolen shawl type blanket which they snuggle up to in bed - neither would take a dummy when offered. The snuggly blanket was like reassurance for them if they woke in the night. Ds2 actually chewed holes all over his and still has it now - it looks like a rag!

Yes agree with Noddy5 about the dummy or 'soother' as it is euphemisticcally called. Worked for my 2 DD and if necessary you can keep several all around the house so you can locate one instantly. Good luck!

NO THEY DON'T!!!

dd - 9 months

ds - 8 months, certainly hasn't gone anywhere near sleeping through yet. I'm loads more relaxed about him though as dd is now a 2 year old who goes to sleep at 7:15 without a murmur so I know there is an end in sight. Personally, I keep ds with me and dh in the evening but then we quite enjoy that too...

Co-sleeping was the answer for me and my sanity, very personal thing though.

My DD (12 weeks) is the same but, poor love, gets compared to DS who was sleeping through (7-7) at 9 weeks. DD is going to bed at 9 waking at 1 then 4 and fidgets in her cot until 6 when she starts to grizzle to get up. She doesn't sleep all that much in the daytime either

I know everyone says it but so long as you are coping and not feeling miserable then I wouldn't worry about. All babies are different - even siblings! - and comparisons are just a waste of time.

Sorry not to be more helpful. It won't be long before he's 15 and you are back on here asking how to get him up before midday

Sure, she slept through at a few weeks old...for about two nights! I'm sure some babes do, but then some of my friends count it as sleeping through if they're only in and out a few times a night putting the dummy back in.

IMO the quiet darkened room doesn't work for all babies. DD has always settled well with a nursery ryhme tape playing quite loudly on her tape player. Also agree that a muslin comforter might be an idea - dd loves that and its big enough that she can find it again in the night if she loses it. Also we've got one of those Miriam Stoppard 'light and sound boxes' that fits on the side of the cot - the music is soothing, the lights and funny beads are quite mesmerising, and anytime dd wakes we just go in and switch that on and she goes back to sleep (it was a godsend when we eventually decided to go cold turkey on the night feed). DD was a nightmare during the evenings at that age. I think if i was doing it again I would just give her long snuggly breastfeeds whenever she'd take them and then try and put her down in the cot with the music on and see what happened. Routines saved our sanity at that time, but didn't follow them to the letter and found our own tricks. HTH. Good luck and they definitely don't very often sleep through at this age, or if they do it's not for long - those other mums might be ruing the day they boasted about it!(I've got one friend who's babe slept through from about 10 weeks, now he's 10 months and wakes up every hour during the night and has been doing that for 6 weeks + !! Teething I guess, poor thing.

First of all, I wanted to say I am from the U. S. I hope that I am not crashing the site, but I discovered it last night by accident, and it is by far the most interesting and informative site I have seen, so if I am crashing let me know and I will be gone.

I just had to say that I understand what you are going through. Until he was 2 months old, my son would sleep for 40-45 min and be awake for 20 min. the whole day through. I was going crazy, but was too tired to notice. I tried every bit of advice from co-sleeping (even though it was told to me by his doctor that that was not a good thing to do) to putting an alarm clock wrapped in my shirt to anything that was offered. Nothing worked, and I felt like a huge failure. I put him in my laundry basket one day because I was too tired to walk to his crib, and found that he would at least sleep a couple hours at a time in there. He never did sleep "through the night" until the day we gave him sold foods (no sooner than age 5 months as reccomended by his doctor, who, by the way, says there is no connection between sleep and solid foods, but I am not so sure about that . A few weeks after that, he began sleeping from 8:30 at night to about 7 in the morning. Sorry that I wasn't able to be more helpful, but, for what it is worth, I just wanted to let you know that I really feel for you and understand what you are going through, and hope that it gets better soon.

Not crashing hte site at al colinsmommy, that is what it is here for.
Glad to hear things have improved for you.

Don't forget to visit one of the Mumsnet Virtual Bars, they usually open about 7pm here, then you can have a virtual drinnk and get to knowus a bit better

Welcome colinsmummy!

Thank you carla and suzywong. How do you get to a virtual bar?

Look for them on the chat topic thread.

Do you feel better now Billysboobs? You are not alone

Well THANK YOU to everyone who replied. Hilariously the night that I was just at the end of my tether and I wrote this long rambling message... my dh got ds to sleep at 11.15pm and ds slept through until 8am! (Of course I was awake at 4am and wanted to drink a pint of water so perhaps I'm the one with the drinking habit!).

Then Tuesday night was similar, asleep by 10am but awake at 5pm. I can do that.

Last night, not so good - awake at 2am and then 5am and then properly awake at 8am.

But I have read all your messages and changed my routine a bit to see if I can improve on things. I think you were right that he didn't want his formula at 6pm, and moving it to 10pm has made a big difference. He takes it much quicker. I also found tonight that the Tommy Tippee teat seemed to be more popular and he was wearing a lot less of it at the end of the feed.

He is wearing a gro bag, but (and I noticed this before I read all of the postings) he was clinging onto his muslin until the last possible second, and I took it out of his hand when he had dropped off because I was worried that he might suffocate underneath it, although my sensible brain thinks this is highly unlikely! So perhaps the muslin was a good comforter.

The other difference is that the last three nights he's been happy to go to sleep with the bedside light on, which also makes the evening feeds nicer for me and dh, and means we can read a chapter of book when we come to bed - what a nice change. All those evenings wasted sitting in a darkened room - grrrr that Gina Ford, if I ever meet her! (Actually I'd probably bottle it and be really polite - being British and all that... oh Gina I loved that idea about doing the evening feed in a darkened room...).

Tonight he has been asleep since 9.45pm and I am going to go to bed in a min.

To be honest the best thing is to know that you are all out there going through similar/ disimalar things... whatever, it just makes me think that all babies are different, but that I should keep my chin up - it could all change again tomorrow!

And in the morning when ds is all smiles, well, it melts your heart doesn't it and I would do it all again the next night.

Thanks everyone, and will be in touch again.

Love Billysboobs
x