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Sleep

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Original poster

Another mn'er begging for help that doesn't involve controlled crying please.

32 replies

mummyscaryhouseonthehill · 23/10/2006 17:06

DS is now 13 months old.

We have been bathing, bottle , story and bed from day 1 and he has not yet slept through.

I work from 7.45pm till 12.45pm 3 nights a week and he waits up for me regardless of what dh does. Then won't sleep unless I give in and hold him. I have resorted to co sleeping cuase he wakes every few hours to check I am still there.

Day time naps are a nightmare he hates gong to sleep what can I do?

The only person in our house getting a decent sleep is DD.

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 23/10/2006 17:07

Hello.

No advice (clearly), but hugs.

Perhaps we should have a support thread to doze on too?!

Apronscreams · 23/10/2006 17:07

not really a solution as such but could you get him to sleep before you go?

What time does he get to sleep on the nights you don't work?

TooTickyTheAppleBobber · 23/10/2006 17:12

There's nothing wrong with co-sleeping
Many cultures do this as a matter of course and everybody gets moresleep.

TooTickyTheAppleBobber · 23/10/2006 17:13

Sorry, didn't read yours properly. Will he co-sleep with his dad?

phantomrantum · 23/10/2006 17:21

Sorry, don't have a solution, really (just an idea which you may have already tried!) On the nights that you are at home would is it possible that Dad puts your ds to bed with you in the room until he sleeps, but without you really getting too involved in the bedtime routine, so that he gradually gets used to bedtime being something that happens with Dad, but initially realises you haven't just disappeared - sounds like a bit of separation anxiety? Sorry not great advice or anything - sounds tough!

singyswife · 23/10/2006 17:27

We once went through a stage with our dd (she didnt sleep more than 6 hours a night till she was 2.5, sorry) where we had to give her a pair of my pj's that I had been wearing in the cot with her. This then progressed to a soft doll she had been given, it came to bed with us for a couple of nights and I cuddled it every day so that it smelt like me, she then would put it on her face to go to sleep as it was comforting cause it smelt like me. Hope this helps.

squarer · 23/10/2006 17:28

I co-slept with my son up until he was around 20 months old (now 22 months). I did do controlled crying however and I found that it made all the difference when transferring him (gradually) back to his own bed and daytime naps became a blessing. He now sleeps through, and I am gradually moving his cot into his room in the manner of someone moving a bee hive.... inch by inch!
I can't advise you on anything other than controlled crying to achieve where I am at but I hope someone can. Good luck

Original poster

mummyscaryhouseonthehill · 23/10/2006 17:50

Have tried putting him in the cot with one of my old t shirts to cuddle but that didn't work. He will doze with dh but still wakes to check for me iyswim. I don't mind the co sleeping except for the fact that he still wakes frequently and kicks, punches and headbutts. If he slept in the day it wouldn't worry me so much but I never get chance to catch up neither does DH we are like a family of zombies.

OP posts:

phantomrantum · 23/10/2006 17:53

So ds doesn't nap? Is he tired though?

squarer · 23/10/2006 18:16

What is it about controlled crying that you are opposed to Mummyhill?

popsycal · 23/10/2006 18:23

I have no advice as my 20 month is only just (dare I say it) on the brink of sleeping through.......

much much sympathy though

venusinfurs · 23/10/2006 18:25

Mummy
I found the baby whisperer (can't remember her name)'s 'pick up, put down' method to be brilliant. It takes serious commitment, but it does work and you know they are only crying through anger and not feeling abandoned.

Glassofslime · 23/10/2006 18:36

whats the problem with controlled crying, it's only short term and it does work?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 23/10/2006 18:36

I think your DH needs to deal with this one - he needs to be able to get DS to sleep whilst you arent there after all.

IF you dont want to do co-sleeping then the only thing i can suggest is you taking a week off work, and putting DS to bed together, and keeping him there. By all means lay next to him on the floor next to his cot and comfort him by patting or rubbing his chest/back, but dont get him up. Leave when he goes to sleep - if he wakes - go back in and do the same till he settles again. After a few nights he should start to sleep much better. If you cant take time off work - see if your mum/his mum can help him with this.

squarer · 23/10/2006 19:12

Yup.. VVV suggests the kinder version of controlled crying as far as I interpret it. I only turned to whatever my version of controlled crying was when I realised, in adult speak, he really was taking the piss!! I cracked. It took about 30 minutes one night and I have NEVER looked back . The thing that worked for me was not picking up and shushing back to sleep. I wasn't in the room for the intervals (5 yards away in the back bedroom) but I returned 3 times, laid him back down and said "night night darling" quick back rub and quick exit, back to book and stopwatch. You could do the VVV method perhaps?

JoshandJamie · 23/10/2006 19:12

My 13 month old is similar. He's got to sleep with us because he shares a room with his brother. He wakes up to find his dummy (another vice) and then starts yelling, which wakes his brother. So we move him into bed with us. And now it's become a habit. So last night I decided to embark on the pick up, put down (Baby Whisperer) routine which I also used on DS1. It took a long time, but I am going to stick with it if he wakes up tonight. He is such a pain to have in our bed - constantly thrashing about and headbutting. Drives me nuts. Good luck and hang in there

iliketrees · 23/10/2006 20:31

mummy on the hill - has he ever slept on his own in his own cot/room or does he like co-sleeping? I ask because my DD loves sleeping with us and did/does sometimes(4yr) but my DS doesn't like it and much prefers being on his own. doesn't mean he sleeps much better but I found the technique of being with him when he cried in the night but not actually picking him up (he jsut wnats to go downstairs) but hugging him over the cot and saying shush shush. He had a really bad patch some weeks back of me being with him for 1-2 hours but now sleeps through. Intense short term pain but hopefully long term gain. He's taken a couple of weeks to get the hang of it , my DD took a couple of months! I don't like controlled crying - you don't know how long it will take - not all kids accept it quickly and not very nice to leave them screaming.

Original poster

mummyscaryhouseonthehill · 24/10/2006 00:22

Well just got in from work to a stressed dh and a screaming ds. DH dared to move and go to the bathroom ds woke up and screaed till I got in and picked the little so and so up.

I am reluctant to try controlled crying as he has to share a room with dd. I have put him in the travel cot downstairs and we are listening to classical music. He quiets and the cries for a biot the settles again.

He used to sleep in the cot and go for 4-5 hours at a stretch I realy though I had cracked it but then he started teething and has now gotten into this horrendous pattern.

I may just htrow a blanket over him and dragge one down for myself and settle on the sofa for the night. For some reason I can't leave him to sleep down here and go up to bed iyswim.

OP posts:

GooseyLoosey · 24/10/2006 00:29

No advice either but really feel for you, you must be knackered.

Know you don't want to do the controlled crying thing - but if he is in the travel cot downstairs could you try one of the gentler versions suggested?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 24/10/2006 00:30

WHy not? Just leave him - he'll be fine. Do it if he wakes again, absolutely, but go have a sleep in your own bed.

You might end up snoring and waking him up!

Original poster

mummyscaryhouseonthehill · 24/10/2006 07:23

Thanks VVVQV followed your advice and turned everything off and crawled into my own bed. He murrmered and I came down and replaced his dummy & put clasic back on at about 3 then when he went back off crawled back to bed and he slpet till 6.30 this morning.
Think we will be adding clasical music into the bed time routine and see if it helps. Maybe then we can put him in the cot upstairs.

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 24/10/2006 09:23

Excellent

Original poster

mummyscaryhouseonthehill · 24/10/2006 09:51

Will keep posting and let you all know when he finally sleeps for laonger than 3 or 4 hours at a time.

I am sure that the sleep deprivation is not helping my recovery from PND.

OP posts:

Simplyred · 24/10/2006 13:24

Your doing fantastically mh - all credit to you you are a great mum xxx

So sorry your also a knackered mum x hope the classics continue to work!

Original poster

mummyscaryhouseonthehill · 25/10/2006 07:29

Managed to get him to sleep for 9 last night and in his cot. He woke at 1, 3 and 6 which is an improvement on not going to bed till 12 then waking at 1, 3 and 6.

OP posts:

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