calling out in the night (a bit long-winded)

[Evita]

Hi, for everyone who's been patient enough to read my 'toddler cot drama' thread, this seems to be the next terrible installment.

Dd's almost 18 months and has been a good sleeper though we had to 'sleep train' her around 9 months or so and she's always grumbled a bit at being put to bed, but gone relatively quickly. I've had a problem getting her down for daytime naps in the last couple of weeks. Now she's started waking in the night around 2 or 3am. She doesn't scream, she just says my name over and over while standing up at her cot side. She sounds v. forlorn. She's got 3 molars all coming through at the same time and I know they're giving her problems as she's off her food and chewing her hands loads (has made them red raw in places). So the question is, do I go to her as she's suffering with her teeth, or do I ignore her so as to not set up a 'bad habit.' I've only found conflicting advice in my various baby manuals. Some say when they're ill all the rules go out the window, others say if you give in to this now you're asking for trouble in the future. So far I've been soft and gone down as it breaks my heart to hear her bleating little voice. I've given her calpol and a drink of water but she really did scream when I tried to put her back in the cot so I've ended up sitting with her and holding her until she's settled which has taken 2 hours (yes, I'm shattered!). The first night I went down was after about 10 mins of her calling me. The second was after 20. I've no idea how long she would stand saying my name if I didn't respond. What would other Mnetters do? She's a v. sweet little girl, hasn't done anything really 'manipulative' so far, though I know this is the age all that can start.

evita, just caught up with this thread via the home page. Hadn't noticed it before.

First of all, poor you!

Just asking if you're giving dd calpol or equivalent fairly regularly during this teething nightmare. I've found that Calpol has some sort of relaxing effect & can help with the sleeping, too.

I'd recommend a middle of the road approach. Be soft now, during this obvious teething period, but a bit more stringent when it passes & if you find the behavior has become habit. I can't remember if your dp is around during the week, but if he is, make sure he's getting up some nights to deal with this. It can't be good for your health, this consistent bad sleeping. Hope you get some relief from this soon! K

Thanks again everyone. I'm still a bit confused as to what's going on now as for the last 3 nights dd has slept through without calling me. But at the same time (as anyone who's suffered through my other thread!) has started creating a real fuss at nap time. Can't win!

Galaxy, that's good to know I'm not alone, thanks. Unlike yours though, my dd won't accept water, bashes medicine away, and just wants me! Well, at least I know I'm loved ...

meanmum, yes, it's a difficult time to 'read' them at 18 months. They've still got a lot of the 'sweet and innocent' but are clearly also testing boundaries. I used to tell dd not to throw food from the highchair and to give it to me if she didn't want it and she always complied. Now she looks at me, straight in the eye and while I'm saying 'give it to me', drops it v. deliberately and slowly on the floor! Trouble is, it almost makes me want to laugh but I know I can't. So far she's been such a sweetie and hasn't tantrummed or done anything like that. So with this sleep thing I'm stumped to know if she really genuinly needs me or if she's crying to see if she's in control.

expatkat, v. good to hear from you! I think you're right. I have to wait and see. These pesky molars are taking forever though. 1 through, 1 half through and 2 still at the painful red lump stage. HA! My dp get up at night?! You've gotta be joking. He'd sleep through me crashing cymbals by his ears. And he's so miserable when he hasn't had enough sleep it's not worth it. How's thing with you?

Message withdrawn

Hi bloss. You're totally right and I am provaricating blindly here and there. I also agree with you about teeth, or rather I did, because dd NEVER made a fuss about her other teeth, especially not at night. But I do think these big molars might be causing her problems and I have friends whose kids have woken at night because of bad teeth problems. Anyway, whatever it is / was, for the last 3 nights she hasn't woken and called for me so I'm hoping it's all settled down on its own. And, so far, interesting to see that my going to her when she did call doesn't seem, (yet!) to have created a pattern of waking. But we'll have to see how it pans out.

Yes Evita, I did feel like I was being taken for a ride, I'm not saying my dd was purposefully doing it or being naughty, but simply testing the boundaries. (as they do) I am very firm but fair with her and if I feel as if I'm being messed about I put my foot down. This sounds harsh but night time is for sleeping, not calling out to see if I'm around. We both need our sleep and will suffer if not. She gets my attention all day i'm a SAHM and we go to play groups, have me & her time and she has 1 on 1 time with a close friend. I just think that sometimes this gets taken too far when she expects me to come running to her at night time. I would do anything for her if she REALLY needs me!!

It seems to me that Bloss is talking sense, and I think the main thing is being aware that she could be testing you out.

Just to let you all know I've been reading stories to ds1 at bedtime the last couple of nights and he's stopped waking at ridiculuous hours in floods of tears and begging for me. He worships his dad but the two nights his dad read him stories while I sorted dd2 out were the nights he was playing up. It doesn't bother us who reads him the stories so dp and I have just swapped roles. I've been spending time with him during the day and telling him how much I love him a lot more too so am hoping that is helping. We spend a lot of time together anyway and I do tell him I love him but I'm just trying to let him know doubly as much at the moment. I'll be back if he proves me wrong and starts to wake up again in the middle of the night.

The only problem at the end of this story is that he continues to wake up at ungodly hours. This morning it was 5.30 but that's because he heard me feeding her at 5.00 I think. Oh well, I'm sure that will settle down eventually and get back to a reasonably time.

samwifewithkid, I agree with you about being on call but not ALL the time! I'm with dd all the time too except for 2 days when I work and she's with dp. So she does get lots of attention. Perhaps that's the problem? They don't know when to switch off asking for it! I have to adjust my mind to thinking of her as hitting that more manipulative stage and testing boundaries. I can cope with being firm, I'm quite strict with her about lots of things, but I can't quite be 'hard' yet. And the nighttime saying of my name just gets to me deep down. But it's been 4 nights now without a call so here's hoping!

meanmum, that sounds fantastic! I hope it continues to work. Dd sometimes wakes 'too early' too. It's v. hard when they do that. They're full of beans and raring to go and generally you feel like shit. Dd's rarely woken before 6am but it's usually 6.30 which I find too early.

Evita - I agree with the "too much attention" thing you were saying. I went on a positive parenting course. I was trying to do everything they said, spending quality time etc..... but I think it backfired on me a bit. The sleep thing started not long after I started doing the course. I asked the lady who ran it, if spending too much time could create a sleep problem, she didn't seem to think so. But I do think it had something to do with it. My daughter was having fun with mummy and wanted it ALL the time. You can't blame her for trying it on I had to be firm with her, otherwise would it have caused problems later on. I'm all for nipping things in the bud!

Yes it did break my heart to hear her calling out mummy, in a cute little sobbing voice, but I don't want to make a rod for my own back. I had to be strong. But thankfully it has payed off.

Meanmum - I'm always telling her how much I love her, I think it's so important to boost their self esteem. But I haven't quite got round to story telling yet, as she is not quite 2 and I feel that the bars on the cot restrict me a bit from it. But I will do soon.

I'm always wondering when 'story telling' at bed time comes in. I do look at a book with dd on my knee before bed and her nap but as yet don't think my reading to her in her cot would work. When did you start meanmum? (Wish you'd change your name by the way, you don't seem mean to me at all!)