B/Feeding through the night @ 10 months! Drained - literally!

[naturemum]

MY beautiful b/f son of 10 months old has not yet slept through the night. I took to co-sleeping after the birth as found this much more convenient for night feeds. From about 7 1/2 months he starts the night in his cot and then comes in with me when he wakes up. This is usually between 11-12 depending on when we goes to bed.

However, 9/10 nights he wakes up 3 times. Yesterday for example we were up at 6.30am - he when back to bed at 10 for 1 and half and then I couldn't get him to sleep for the rest of the day!! Bed at 7pm without any problems, awake 45 mins later as usual and then slept until 11. Then awake at 1, 2, 4.30 and 6.30. I am nursing him back to sleep. This is for my sake and also for the sake of DS who works most evenings and doesn't get to bed until 1am.

I wake up feeling absolutely drained (literally - after feeding all night!). Please help me see clearly on what needs to be done to get this little darling to sleep through. (In 10 months he has slept 8 hours twice)

I also find that he is not particularly hungry for his breakfast most mornings - surprise, suprise.

Over to you mumsnetters....

naturemum - I have quickly read through this thread so I apologise if this has been suggested already.

I notice that you said you breastfeed you DS twice a day. Since he seems to love breastfeeding but is doing it mainly throughout the night, why don't you up his breastfeeds during the day and try just cuddling him at night but do not offer the breast?

He should be able to go through the night without a breastfeed however it depends how determined you are to crack the habit. Is your partner able to take a week off on holiday? He could then assist by going to him during the night.

Is the cot in your room? If so have you considered moving it out?

nature mum - getting back to the topic having followed the thread with interest (I'm quite new to MN and find it fascinating)- you have my sympathies. I was in a similar position with DD1, when I became pregnant , my milk dried up, I was dehydrated and I physically couldn't get out of bed at night anymore. DD1 was 1 year old, and it was hard, but she did actually start sleeping through the night. Before this, I don't think she was ready.

I thought I should add that personally I always breastfed my 4 babies to sleep before I put them in the cot at bedtime between 7and 8pm at this age.

I never planned to co-sleep but when they were little I would left them into bed when they woke during the night. As they got bigger I would put them back into the cot if I woke up again. Often they were still there in the morning. My DS3 did not sleep through the night until about 8 months. My first DS slept through at 9 weeks and the other two were 4 months. They were in my room till 1 year.

My sister had babies who did not sleep and she found that she had to put them into another room.

Naturemum, I know what you are going through! My ds is 16mths, has never slept through, and is 'still' bf to sleep. After trying lots of things, the best thing for us was to co-sleep for half the night, like you do. All of us sleep better that way, as although ds still wakes, we are all less disturbed by it - he has a bit of a feed then back to sleep. I agree with Trice that it is more about comfort than hunger at this age, but that is absolutely FINE and NORMAL.

If you really feel that you are not getting a decent sleep then there's no harm in trying to change things (excellent links from Franny) but if your ds doesn't take to it, I would say that he isn't ready to sleep by himself just yet. And that is also perfectly normal.

I really struggled when my ds didn't sleep through when he was 'supposed to'. Things got easier for me once I accepted that this was his normal sleep pattern and I listened to what he was telling me. So what if everyone else's babies sleep all night in their cot. If your baby will sleep through with a little encouragement, great, but trying to 'train' them to do so is missing the point IMO.

Good luck Naturemum

Hi Naturemum, my dd is also 10 months and is pretty much the same as yours.

I REALLY disagree with just about everything that Kittywits has said. In fact, reverse all the statements for me.

I think that, for some babies, this is perfectly normal behaviour. My first was exactly the same and I was desperate for a solution. This time I am just going with the flow.

What helps me is NOT LOOKING AT THE CLOCK. This is easy because I can't see it without putting on my glasses. But I find that if I look at the clock I think "Fuck! It's only been 2 hours!" and then I get stressed. I also drink a lot of water in the night.

I know that things will change in time so I am just going to let things take their natural course.

Tatties - I was trying the make the point (poorly probably), that just because you breastfeed your baby to sleep they will not sleep through the night in a cot.

Co-sleeping and breastfeeding all night is fine if that is what you want to do. It is not fine if you are knackered and resenting it.

Morningpaper is so right about not watching the clock - when DD was 5 months she started to wake for 2 hourly feeds during the night and I was determined she was not getting solids before 6 months. Like you I did not look at the clock because I was getting frustrated at the amount of wakening. See the things that come back to you? She is now 12 1/2 years old.

I think there is a stage where night feeding can be tackled with perseverance. 10 months is certainly old enough, however the ffort involved can be worse than just feeding and going back to sleep. My sister was just knackered all the time and in the end stopped feeding altogether which I think is a pity.

Hello everyone - thank you so much for all your advise.
Have also got a stinking cold this morning - due to being run down and tired - so feeling even more sorry for myself!

It feels much better to know that I'm not alone.

So nice to read about other babies who wake up at night, it's not just mine! So used to other mums telling me that their babies sleep through at 3/4/5 weeks, makes me sick! When your baby sleeps through is NO indication on how good a parent you are!

Hi naturemum: another point to remember is that even if you AREN'T night-feeding, you are very possibly going to be run-down, tired and exhausted anyway.

I agree with Mears - this is something that can be tackled but the effort - emotionally and physically - can sometimes be harder than just letting things take their course. Personally I would rather not put myself/baby through that, but that is a decision that only you can make.

mp I have turned my bedside clock off, which means in the morning I have to keep asking dh what time it is so I know if dd1 can getup yet
I also have a pint of water by the bed and make sure I keep drinking

Mears, I know what you are saying I co-sleep because it makes my life easier, but if ds had slept all night in his cot from the beginning I wouldn't be complaining. Of course if you are unhappy with your situation you can try to change things. For me though it was more about changing my attitude towards How Babies Should Sleep than changing my the way my ds slept.

Oh yes - pint of water is imperative

I would add, that I suspect DS still sharing a room and co-sleeping here and there actually made him worse. When we moved out of the bedroom to our new room upstairs there was a vast improvement.

The reason I suspect this.....I'm a bastard snorer (Have had to undergo investigations and attend sleep clinics etc)I think I was waking him up....

We had a similar experience to VQ. When DS went into his own room at 24 weeks (we never co-slept BTW - a step too far for DH!) he slept marginally better. Only marginally though and only until he went onto solids. When he was 10 mo we tried 'finding a sub' from Dr Sears' advice! We did it primarily because DS, like your DS, would only have a couple of feeds during the day - the first at 3pm-ish! And he was eating hardly anything so it wasn't as if he was filling up on solids. I resented it, so I decided to change it. So DH rocked and cuddled and cooed DS to sleep over three nights. Then I cuddled and rocked and patted and shushed for the next couple of weeks or so. By the time he was 11 mo he was reliably sleeping through. I know that finding a sub doesn't work for everybody - my friend tried to night-wean her DD some two months or so ago, using cuddles and rocking, and her DD is still rooting for a feed at night, despite having slept in her own room since 6 months. Some babies will happily accept being night-weaned, others not so much because NO sleep tip wil work for every child.

HI Naturemum, I posted on a diff thread since in a similar sit...

Just wanted to thank you all for your postings. I have never posted before but have constantly read the conversations on sleep for support and guidance through my DDs development.

My latest experience...little boring but maybe someone else in same position.. 9mth DD reliant on BF to sleep and recently (last 4 wks, cold and teething) waking through the night crying. Resorted to BF & cuddling for upto 2hrs. Also bringing her into my bed and nursing. Hated myself for allowing this to happen for DD's sake as well as mine. DD now waking upto 4x night and only settling with BF. Much deliberation and reading led to deciding on CC. Have been denying BF all week, by cuddling when DD wakes up (hence 2 hrs) and successful 90% of time to get her ready for CC. Unsuccessful attempt by me on Fri night, I found her crying heartbreaking and didn't feel right. Also DH not happy with crying.

Changed tack to PUPD Sat night, to avoid disturbing DH too much and did not allow DD to fall asleep whilst BF at 7pm. I have spent 1hr15mins PUPD every 30 secs. DD hoisted herself up to either sitting or standing in cot, alternating between crying and grinning and (all credit to her)fake coughing. She's now quiet/asleep in her cot. Much less crying tonight with PUPD which is back breaking work ( wasn't picking her up to hold just to get her 2 lie down)but took ages. Am expecting DD to wake up in the night & will continue with PUPD. I plan to keep this up for 2 weeks and fingers crossed I will not be nursing DD in my bed or be stood by her cot cuddling her for upto 2 hrs in the middle of the night.

Sat night, woke up at 12.20, took 5 mins to settle. Up @ 4.30 , 30 mins to settle, up at 5.15, 20 mins to settle, up at 6.10, 10 mins to settle. Up at 7 and big morning smile. DD cried but it was tolerable and I'm right by her, PUPD, with a hand on her back and telling her it's sleepy time. Although she woke up several times I do feel we're making progress. She knows there's no BF in the night and she's learning to settle herself back to sleep.

Sorry it's long winded but hope it helps. Good luck.

I know alot of people disagree with my thoughts on things, that's fine with me!!
It is intersting that we tend to consider the childrearung methods taught to our mothers as being wrong and heartless, leaving babies to cry etc. They believed they were absolutely doing the right thing because that was the thinking of the day.
Mothers now follow research, listen to parenting gurus on the t.v. and read their books. The thinking today is different and of course mothers believe that it is the right way.
When today's babies grow up and have babies of their own that the thinking will again be different and they will be aghast at the methods many believe to be so right today!!!!

There is no right method. Studies and research come and go. There are so mny studies done that people consider to absolutely prove their points and reasoning, then a while later another study comes that disproves it!!

Instead of criticising people and attacking their beliefs and methods you should do what you beleive to be right and let others do the same, offering advice when it is sought.