can someone please tell me how a hysterical vomitting 16 months old is better than a calm, co-sleeping breast feeding 16 month old please?

[popsycal]

felling extremely fucked off, shattered and stinking of puke and very unhappy

excuse the french

Oh popsycal - you poor, poor thing. And it sounds like you're getting no support at all.

First off - it's not the breastfeeding - you know I'm still feeding my dd2, exactly the same age as your ds, and she sleeps fine. Well, if we don't dwell on the 5.30am start to the day! But she sleeps through. And dd2 was breastfed till she was 2 and she was a 7-7 girl.

The thing is - all kids are different - and some are naturally better sleepers than others. So don't beat yourself up about doing something wrong to get to this position. It is NOT your fault.

If there is a local sleep clinic they might be able to help. My BIL and SIL just went to one, and they said, although they knew all the strategies and didn't get a magic cure, it did give them the backing to try to fix their problems (their ds2 was waking every 1-3 hours at 18 months). And most importantly for them, it helped them stop yelling at each other and having horrendous arguments in the middle of the night, and the rest of the time, about what to do. Because someone else outside the family helped them decide a strategy and then they stuck to it.

Hi Popsy,
I am still struggling with my DS too...
I know what you mean about bringing him back to sleep and then sleeping horribly. When I'm too tired, I just want to bring him back to bed so I stay awake the least amount necessary....
Have to say though, that when I gather the strenght to feed him in his room and put him back in his cot, we all sleep better! It is hard to get myself to stay there! I am so tired!
Anyway, would your DS go back to sleep in his coy if you feed him a little bit?
Good luck, hun! I do sympathize with you!

Pidge - we are n the north east - and I am not sure that sleep clinics have reached this darj and distant area yet

am now googling cranial osteopath
bonym - in separate room now

It's definitely not the breastfeeding. FWIW I think VVVQV is absolutely right. First off, your DH (stressed or not - tell him to think of the pay-offs for a bit of short-term grief) needs to help to sort out the spare room so that DS2 can have his own cot and own room, if that hasn't already been done. And then he needs to do the night-weaning. I didn't go down the osteopathy route, but it sounds like a good plan, if only to get the strategy agreed. I don't care how stressed your DH is; he shouldn't be putting all this on you and then criticising you when things don't go well.

popsycal - hmmmm - dunno - do you have a helpful heath visitor you could ask, or GP even.

Anyway, whatever, just wanted to send some good sleeping vibes to the popsycal household, from one of your ds's mumsnet contemporaries. As you may remember my dd2 was a rival of his on the sleep front - waking every 2 hours for months on end, but she got there, and so will he ....

cross-posted.

have just emialed a cranial osteopath who is rounf the corner from us apparently

Lots of cyber-support heading your way. Sometimes men can be sods about things like this. My dp used to disagree with the co-sleeping and long bf but now we're on child 4 he's got used to it. Go with your instincts.

mu instincts scream out that letting my 16 mnth ols sob until he vomits is wrong

Your instincts are right. In so many cultures, co-sleeping and bf are the norm - anything else is unthinkable. I wish it was the same here.

popsycal, tell dh to sleep on the sofa and you settle ds2 down in your bed with a nice cuddly b/f from you. then during tyhe holidays get on with sorting his room out and try and crack his sleeping then.

FWIW dd3 sleeping has gone to pot sicne i moved her back into my room to make room for the hospital bed.

Popsy - it all sounds very hellish to me - and worse living it I imagine

FWIW, I can't think of anything worse that leaving a child to cry until they vomit.

I'd tell your notsoDH to fuck off quite frankly and come back when he can be more supportive. He's effectively making you choose between his needs and your DS's needs. Mindless of course to your need to sleep too!

I'd kick him out and co-sleep with the baby for now- that way you have more space to spread out in and you might get a better night's sleep.

Your DS is used to being nurtured to sleep by you, and I suspect this is all too sudden and extreme for him to take in his stride.

ANd it's bugger all to do with breastfeeding, I bet my bottom $ that there are as many bottlefed babes with sleep probs as breast fed!

Try not to get too stressed out, and trust your own instincts!

Good luck

Hate to say it Popsy, but until you and DH can present a united front in this matter, it's not going to work. He's obviously very unhappy about the situation, so I would sit him down, tell him how miserable and exhausted you are and ask for his help. You can't be worrying about his feelings and comments in the back of your head while you are trying to do the sleep training. You also need someone to take over when you're about to give up.
Just try and convince him how much happier you'll all be if he gives you a hand. If he's not prepared to help then he can bloody move into one of the boy's rooms and get DS2 in with you. It's not solving the problem but at least you'll get some sleep.

How were things last night Popsy?

Want to echo Pidge's (and others) comments that breastfeeding is not the problem. My dd2 is still breastfed and sleeps fine.

As you know, my dd has never been a bad sleeper, but it did take some work to get her to go through the night. I finally cracked it with a "wimps" version of cc (never letting her cry longer than a minute at a time), but I did it one week when dh was away at a conference as he couldn't stand hearing her cry at all.

Agree that you need your dh to be on side, or else you will have to try to sort it on your own (with him on sofa or something).

Hi Popsy - how was your night?

Must be nearly school hols I think? Which presumably will make your life a bit easier.

Thinking of you.

ok...so!
last night was a bit cooler so we could close the window....

anyway - he woke at about 10:45 as he usually does....cried for AGES...was actually oly 45 mins but seemed like forever....he was nearly sick again at which point i though fuck this and went in picked him up and within 5 seconds he was calm and i was ale to put him straight back in the cot and he was asleep peacefully within 30 seconds!
he then woke at 3:25 (which is a long stretch for him!!!) but i shushed him back to sleep (having told dh to f off into ds1's room a few hours earlier ) then he slept til 5:40 at which point i fed him

i went through 3 vest top last night as i had bursting boobs
hideous

he is asleep already as only had a short nap today. fed then straight into cot and settled himself to sleep without crying within 5 minutes.
it is sooo hot today so not sure how much crying the neighbours can cope with with open windows...

hello, did you find any Cranial
osteopaths?

I found one down the road from us and have emailed them but no response as yet...

I have high hopes for you because he worked miracles for us, it didnt even look like he was doing anything but it worked????????

popsy it sounds like it is getting better.....

stick with it....even if you go back a few steps i reckon within a couple of weeks you'll look back on all this as a distant nightmare....so pleased he went down easily tonight...

popsy - I feel you pain

your, your, your.

Sounds like an improvement. So you didn't feed him at all last night? Reckon you'll have cracked it by this time next week (at the latest).

Last night seems like it went much better than a normal night. Hope it continues to get better.