Tonight I shouted at dd who is only 6 months old and looked absolutely terrified, because she was still crying after an hour of trying to settle her to sleep. I feel so awful. I am the person who wont leave her to cry for even one minute because I think its cruel, and yet I scared her and was so horrible to her myself.
I am so frustrated tonight. I never thought when I had a baby that 6 months down the line I would spend hours of every day coping with a crying baby and trying to get her to feed or sleep. That I would never get more than 4 hours sleep a night myself and never more than 2 hours in a row. That I would have zero social life, look like a pile of crap, spend most evenings catching up on jobs rather than reading or watching a film, spending time with dh,or relaxing in any shape or form, because it takes a whole day just looking after a baby nevermind getting anything else blooming done. Or else I am out of the house during the day at a group or visiting a friend because I cant cope with a day in the house with baby.
We have been for over a month now trying to resist rocking dd to sleep, and using PU/PD or Shush/Pat in her cot. Supposedly after a few nights or weeks it should take less and less time to settle to sleep - not the case - sometimes she falls asleep on the breast, sometimes she can fall asleep in the cot after a fit of fussing, most of the time she fusses gets picked up and put down again etc etc etc for the best part of an hour. I dont have the blooming patience for it because I spend most days feeling so tired I could cry.
Am I getting something seriously wrong? as I feel like a total failure as a mother tonight - if I can shout at a tiny baby who just cant seem to settle herself to sleep, goodness knows I will have no patience for a toddler or the rest of childhood.