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Original poster

No sleep, no naps, no sanity

66 replies

thecattleareALOHing · 19/12/2005 22:40

How did this happen?

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Original poster
thecattleareALOHing · 20/12/2005 16:48

Yes, do think she hates her cot. Prefers a bed, but I can't put her down awake in a bed I think, too dangerous! She would just crawl after me and fall off. It's a bugger, I tell you.

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bossykate · 20/12/2005 16:48

gf doesn't practice any longer, but i think she gives advice over the phone - she used to anyway.

Original poster
thecattleareALOHing · 20/12/2005 16:49

You just cannot put her down! I could with ds and he'd whinge a bit but sleep. DD goes absolutely ballistic - shaking, covering in snot, great hiccupy sobs, clinging to me, sweating...

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Bozza · 20/12/2005 16:50

Could you get a nice comfy chair in her bedroom and sit in there with dim lighting while she dropped off? Take it in turns with DH. Start off at current bedtime and then work it forward? This works with DD when she is unsettled - eg on Saturday night when DS had a friend over and they were being really giddy during/after bathtime.

bossykate · 20/12/2005 16:50

is it any different if dh tries to put her down?

Bozza · 20/12/2005 16:51

What about a mattress on the floor?

bossykate · 20/12/2005 16:51

bozza that is a good idea.

Bozza · 20/12/2005 16:51

Maybe cot mattress as would take up less room.

bossykate · 20/12/2005 16:52

if you had one of those huge babydan room divider/playpen things - you could possible create a safe area for her to sleep. larger than cot - still has bars though.

bossykate · 20/12/2005 16:52

have you got a travel cot?

Original poster
thecattleareALOHing · 20/12/2005 18:07

The trouble is, if put down awake, she gets hysterical. She used to go down awake all the time, and then she just flipped a switch and wouldn't tolerate it. So much for those who say that if you start out that way they will always go down awake.

Once she is asleep we can put her down but the cot wakes her up - she will only stay asleep in a bed.

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TIPEXmascracker · 20/12/2005 21:28

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
thecattleareALOHing · 20/12/2005 22:39

Tbh, I tend to just push on with things and luckily, even when clearly shattered she tends to become very wriggly rather than hysterical. She's a good natured soul really.
But of course I wish she was a better sleeper, and I wish, wish, wish she'd nap during the day. Oh well, maybe one day!

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leogaela · 21/12/2005 08:31

Aloha, my DS was going that way. we thought he hated his cot for a while as he would scream and get hysterical everytime we put him in it. Now if its time for him to go to bed in the evening and he is being a nightmare, standing up and screaming, then I cuddle him, calm him and lay him down (sometimes he struggles too much so I just lay him down again), then before he gets hysterical again just keep laying him down again and again and again, stroke his back, hold his hands say 'shhh' to him, when he starts to calm down everytime he tries to get up I push his head down and hold him down gently, I may have to pick him up and cuddle him again but eventually he calms down enough to go to sleep.

The daytime he has to be really dropping off before he goes in his cot, he gets through the overtired hyperactive stage, starts to grizzle a bit then I pick him up and cuddle him or give him milk (sometimes reading a book with him even works) to calm him before putting him into bed. It only works if he is really overtired and I can find a way to calm him down. But it is improving, he is finding his own routine now.

I guess you've tried everything, but maybe find something helpful. If you keep persisting with something will work. I was talking to an 'experienced' mum, pregnant with her 4th this morning and she says the only thing that has worked with her children is controlled crying - if you are tough enough!

TIPEXmascracker · 21/12/2005 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bozza · 21/12/2005 09:00

No of course its not Tipex. Everyone would find that hard work and isolating. How does he go to sleep at night?

OComeOliveFaithfOil · 21/12/2005 09:06

Sympathies, I have an erratic sleeper too, no pattern, good day bad day, strain on our relationship as we have no time to ourselves etc.

I remember reading the Baby Whisperer re getting them in their cot, and she had a routine whereby she put them in the cot and sat in the room and slowly, over days, moved the chair further away. Sorry, can't remember specifics but it all stemmed from a bout of CC gone wrong (I think) and the child had a fear of the cot. Maybe someone has a copy of the book and could photocopy the relevant pages for you, I gave my copy away to a friend.

xx

dingdongmeggymooonhigh · 21/12/2005 09:24

Aloha and Tipex you have my sympathies ds was good to us going through the night for fairly long stretches but when it came to napping during the day - forget it.Then we had teething and illness for several months he was really such hard work I was so envious of friends with babies who would say how boring it was that they slept for such long periods during the day arrrgh! he also would not sleep in car seats or in parms but became so cranky if I took him out in the afternoon that I became confined to the house.

Ds then went though a stage of being terrified of his cot so it would seem anyway, he would panic and squirm and arch his back as we approached his bedroom and would start to get upset before even putting hi in his cot. After about a month of him sleeping in my bed and me getting no sleep at all I made a temporary bed is his room on the floor next to the cot. I know it sounds a bit odd but it worked for him.
I'd lie down right next to the cot and put one of my arms through the bars of his cot so he could hug it if he wanted to or I could stroke him .I also at this time wanted to give him a definite sleep cues so started playing him a gentle lullaby and I gave him a lovely soft cuddly rabbit which he only has for his sleeps ( which he now adores). I'd lie there in a fairly dark room (blackout blinds) and not give much eye contact just saying shhh every now and then and it worked.
TBH I was so shattered with him not napping during the day that at times I'd doze off too which was quite nice. After about 10 days he would go down quite happily and I stopped lying next to the cot and would sit there instead. The music really did seem to help to remind him it was time for a sleep.
There is light at the end of the tunnel - ds went to bed last night at about 9pm and he is still dozing now and last sunday he didn't get up till 11.30am and he naps for about 1.5 hours during the day too but it took him until he was about 13 months.
I hope you can sort it soon though, you must be very stressed with it all!

leogaela · 21/12/2005 09:45

No Tipex, also have got really, really down about ds's sleeping. Sometimes I get to a point where I don't know if I can cope anymore. Last week I was so tired and down that I took the week off work sick and spent the days at home on my own relaxing and reading. I am more cheery today as I went to bed at 9.30 last night. I also find going to work 3 days a week gives me a break (although also very stressed with it as I am too tired to concentrate and keep wondering when my boss is going notice that I'm not really doing any work ) from ds which helps me deal with it a lot better.

Can you get someone else to look after him for for a day so you can relax and rest. It makes a huge difference. IT may even be that her realises that you are tired and drained which could make him worse.

rickshaw · 21/12/2005 09:53

Hello again Tipex - I'm so depressed by it that I'm also wondering if I could cope with another! (And I'm 3 months behind you - you'll remember my desperate posts on one of your old threads!).

Original poster
thecattleareALOHing · 21/12/2005 17:58

I have to say, any daytime stuff that involves time and quietness is totally impossible as I have ds here as well, and he is very loud, will not stay in the living room if I am upstairs and just follows me around talking in a particularly piercing and baby-awakening voice.
I realise I sound awfully negative, but I know how lovely it was when ds started having long daytime naps.

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dingdongmeggymooonhigh · 22/12/2005 14:39

You don't sound negative Aloha, you sound shattered.
Silly me I didn't even realise about your ds, does he nap at all too?
Would she sleep in a a sling? It helped me when my ds was really bad and wouldn't settle when he was about 11/12 months old.
Does she get grouchy at all or is she happy to tick along with no sleep?

DinosaurInAManger · 22/12/2005 14:42

Aloha, we (well, DH actually) has had to work really hard on getting DS3 to have a decent daytime nap but he's got there now. Cot was also a no-no for us, so after lunch when he's quite tired DS3 is parked in his buggy in a darkened room with Radio 3 on very quietly. DH used to rock him to sleep in his buggy, now he is used to it he just goes to sleep by himself.

Would the rocking in the buggy approach be worth trying with dd, do you think?

elliott · 22/12/2005 14:54

Think bozza's suggestion of a 'gradual withdrawal' type of sleep training sounds like a good one. I'd tackle the bedtime first - getting her to sleep in the place you want her to sleep at night. Sounds fundamentally like a sleep association problem....can you find a good book to help you? I found a great one in the library some months back - I'll just see if I can search it out at all.

Original poster
thecattleareALOHing · 22/12/2005 14:59

Dinosaur - I suspect the buggy thing might well work...if it wasn't for ds and his clear, carrying and piping voice!
Ds also finds walking very hard work so while I would be happy to put dd in her buggy and take her for a walk to get her off, ds is very resistant.
She's not a miserable baby, but she does get, like most babies, sort of frantic, butterfly minded and extra active when she's tired, plus she is more clingy and easily frustrated.
The presence of ds is the other reason why I can't do anything that involves gradual withdrawal during the day.
However, dh has been given the job of settling her at night. upside, he is managing it. downside, it's taking hours and she isn't going to sleep until gone 9pm. (but then sleeping until 4am/5am before coming in with me and sleeping until 7 or later).

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