Dad sleeping in a different room from Mum and Baby

[Athrawes]

We have a one week old. Dad is in the master bedroom and baby and I are in the warmer spare room. This means Dad gets sleep, can function at work and is in a fit state to help me. But it seems sad that we are not all together and I wonder how long this will go on for before it becomes a hard to break habit. Does anyone else have experience to share?

Hi Athrawes. We did this when DD came along. It worked really well for us. Like you say it allowed DH to be able to be awake and functioning for work and gave DD and I the freedom to sleep according to her pattern. We did this for I think about 4 months when DD was in an established night feeding pattern and I felt comfortable moving back into bed with DH. We had a video montor on her from then.

We have had various sleeping arrangements since (DD is now 4yo) including her in with us, one of us in with her, her in her own bed in our room etc. I have found from all this that if everyone is getting some sleep and both you and DH are happy with the arrangement then just go with what works for you.

We are in the same position as you with our now 10 week old baby. I am of the thought that I will do whatever allows all of us to get the most sleep possible so that we can all function and be happy in the day!

We did this with our first DD too and I think we were all back in together by about 4 months when we were in a regular pattern.

That is reassuring. The last few months of the pregnancy we slept apart for my comfort and it is starting to feel like we may never sleep together again!

For months after each Dcs birth we have played "musical beds" we never knew which bed we would wake up in It gets better. As bubbles12, I think that it definitely helped us functionning "normally" during the day.

Don`t feel sad because it will all go back to normal when your baby settles into a pattern.

We did it for the first 6 months and then I went back into our bed.

Things went quickly back to normal, I`m now pregnant with 3rd so no worries in that department !

In our experience, its better that one of you gets sleep rather than both feeling awful. Then at least the rested one can function the next day.

Thanks people. Bit overwhelmed with new baby and the sense that our grown up time together is over too is too sad.
Change of subject then - this newborn- at night at present he eats and eats and snoozes for ten minutes then starts eating again! This goes on for most of the night! During the day he can sleep for a couple of hours but at night only for such a short time. What is happening?

By no means an expert but babies are not born knowing which is day and which is night! Advice we were given was to try and make sure that the baby got proper daylight at some point in the day and we keep the room dark at night time to start the baby being able to tell the difference. Very early days though. This stage definitely does not go on for that long even if it does feel like it at the time! I think by about 6 weeks they reackon that babies are much better at telling the difference.

We did this all three times for varying lengths of time - months rather than years!

There was no problem getting DH back into bed afterwards though.

Your baby is so very young. Things will get better after a few weeks and it will fly by.

Dh moved out of the marital bed when I had dd2 who is now 9. Can't face having him back in with me now and we all sleep much better!

I generally sleep in a separate room with dd.

I just find it easier it means when she wakes in the night i can just sit in bed and feed her. DP wakes up if i do this in the same bed as him, and as she is brestfed there isn't any reason for him to wake up so it seemed silly both of us losing sleep.

Occasionaly if she is being difficult i will go and wake him for moral support.

DD is 12 weeks now, i was overwhelmed at the start as well (i felt the urge to run up to pregnant people and tell them to just stay pregnant, don't let the baby out!). It just all seemed so constant, i just wanted a few hours to myself.

It will get easier, i found around 6 weeks i suddenly realised i was just getting on with it and now it's just second nature.

it's been 7 months with DH and i.

tbh i can't see me ever going back to the marital bed because DHs breathing, which i was sort of used to, now sounds like the the last gasps of a dying boar! i can't tolerate it and he kept me awake the whole night when i tried going back to our bed last time.

i quite like having my own boudoir now

I think this is pretty normal occurence, DS is 2 and DH still occasionally moves into the spare room for the night if he is snoring too loudly/DS decides to have a bad night/DH is doing weird shifts. I like my sleep and NEED my sleep to function properly.

I reckon musical beds is par for the course once you become parents!

We've tried all sorts of combos (DS now 8mo).

• all 3 in the same room, DS in moses basket...
• ...which quickly turned into DS in bed with me, DH in spare room
• back to all 3 in same room (with sidecar cot arrangement) DH going to spare room in middle of night on occassion
• now me & DH in same bed, DS in cot in own room... which can turn into DS in with me & DH in spare room at 3-4am!

However it is getting more frequent that DH & I actually manage to spend the whole night in the same bed together.

Don't stress about sleeping arrangements if you can, tis early early days - as long as you are all managing to get some shut eye at some point that's the main thing! Though easier said than done with a newborn...

We do this - DS is 6.5 months (and a frequent night waker). We took the view that since I'm bfing, and I get DS back to sleep by feeding him, there is absolutely no point in DH being woken up as well as me. We'd just have two tired and grumpy people in the house instead of one! So DS and I co-sleep. It makes my life a lot easier, and DH doesn't mind. We'd definitely do the same with any other babies we had.

We tend to keep quiet about this arrangement in real life as some people are a bit . But I think it's important to do whatever is best for your family - and for us, that means getting as much sleep as possible for everyone.

DH and I have been very happily married for nearly 9 years and have slept in separate rooms on and off due to work stresses / insomnia problems / me being pregnant and waking loads in the night. It hasn't had a bad effect on our relationship at all - in fact, I think it's been better for it, as we've been a lot less sleep deprived!

Congratulations on your baby. It is blimmin' hard work, but it does get better. And when they get big enough to interact with you a bit, it's fab.

I did this for both my children. 10 months for DD and 9 months for DS.