SAHM numbers lowest for 15 years - we need your views for Sky interview tomorrow am

[carriemumsnet]

The headlines for the report say:

• Number of stay at home parents in the UK drops 21% from 2.8 million in 1993 to 2.2 million today

• Parents say their household would need an average income of £31,731 for one parent to stay at home, yet the average annual income for a male is £28,464 (10% less) and a female is £18,047 (43% less)

• Over a third (36%) of families with children under 2 have both parents at work, and 1 in 3 (38%) working parents spend less than 4 waking hours a day with their children

• If money was no object, 7 out of 10 (71%) working parents would have stayed at home to raise their children[9]

I guess the first question they'll ask is does this reflect Mumsnetters' experienec? Are Mumsnetters feeling the pinch financially and is this making folks who might have considered staying at home - go back to work?

What would be your ideal?
The Gov giving you money to either :
Pay for childcare
Pay grandparents/extended family

Or do you think it should be left as is - personal choice but dependent on financial circumstance?

Any other pithy thoughts and insights gratefully accepted. Will only have about 3 or 4 mins so won't be able to completely set the world to rights, but be good to know what you think.

Thanks in advance

and tbh, when I was able to use the afterschool club, in the summer hols it cost me £30 a day. (2 children) I only earn around £35 a day....so in the summer I used to feel very resentful, in effect missing out on spending time with my children for a fiver a day!

I love my job, they are as flexible as they can be but it is just so hard. I can't use family more than one day a week in the hols.

persephone - I think the vast majority of people would support extra help for single parents, especially those who have no or limited support from former partners.

I.m not a lone parent but have been staggered at the current thinking which would more or less force single parents 'back' to work

I am a SAHM looking for a new job (made redundant during mat leave - grrr!). We need to move to a bigger house if we are to grow our family so with house prices being spectacular in the South East I have to work, even if Govt decided to support me.

Ideal for me would be to work 3 full days a week (doing a great job for squillions of pounds!) and have 4 days with my beautiful darling.

Hoochie, who do think is to blame or is responsible for your circumstances which don't allow you to be SAHM?

I would love to be a SAHM, love it. I have no choice financially but to work 4 days per week.

Rising fuel/food/mortgae costs has pushed us to the brink, there is no slack left. I refuse to work 5 days as I want some of my time with dd...I wish it was more for me and her.

Tax credits is a labyrinthine nightmare, that form is enough to put anyone off. I thought the feminists in 60's and 70's fought for choice. I have no choice, just endless financial demands. Cost of living in this country is stupidly high, wages only average. Oh and by the way, don't forget to save for pensions, university fees, as well as paying out for every other overpriced thing

I agree that tax credits are bloody hopeless. I'd rather be taxed less in the first place.

I am a SAHM and although it can be hard work it is definitely what I would choose to do. I am very fortunate that we can afford for me not to go to work, but having recently had twins, and also having a two year old, my salary would never come close to covering the cost of childcare.

To be honest my current situation is my ideal but I know that I am lucky.

I recently left work after the birth of Dd2, this was before the credit crunch happened. We had worked out that we could scrape by on Dh's wage. Now money is so tight I dare say I shall have to return to work. Tax credits are a total nightmare and I don't want money to pay someone else to looks after my girls. I want to feel that the government thinks the job I'm doing raising my children is worth something. How about upping the child benefit?

Yes, it's the credit crunch and rising prics that has knackered us as well. It was just manageable before that.

I heard the other day, that family costs had gone up by £175 per months and wages by £44.00 per month. This has made it almostimpossible.

Shouldn't the governemnt be addressing that as well? It is beyond me how anyone can afford to be a SAHM in this financial climate.

I really want to stay at home but there is no way we can afford to - I'm scared stiff of missing out on DD's childhood - i'd probably have to go back to work fulltime for us to survive.
I would rather they upped the minimum wage and lowered taxes than have to except "hand outs" but if that wasn't a choice then I'd rather have the money myself.

'The purpose of life is for living not to generate bloody revenue.'

Not in a capitalist system.

I'm a SAHM, have been for 11 years. I'm fortunate in that DH has a good job and that I WANT to look after our children and not hand them over to someone else. I receive nothing from the government other than child benefit.

Financially, it has not been debt-free but we are getting there and the sacrifice is worth it.

Someone has already commented on the fact that as a social group SAHMs are invisible. I agree with that hugely. Although I feel that I may seemingly be invisible, the effort that I put into my families education, emotional wellbeing, nutrition and ultimate stability will pay dividends not only to myself and DH but also to society.

To quote part of something I read on another site:-

"As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. It cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women."

I do think that a parent (mother or father) staying at home with their children during the early years has to be the most desirable outcome and maybe extra funding is needed to bring that about. I can't see how any baby benefits by being put in full-time childcare at a few months old.

sahp should definately be better recognised in tax breaks and also pension contributions as women taking career breaks rarely attain the wages they would have otherwise.

I look at my Mother struggling as a widow in her 50's after looking after her children for so many years she does not have the confidence to re-enter the jobs market now - yet her contribution in raising 3 economically active university educated children is not recognised!

The choices parents have regarding raising their children and returning to work need to be supported - not just childcare for working parents but also support for those wishing to stay at home even just those early years.

I work full time, have done since dd was 4 months old and ds was 3 months old - had basic maternity leave and nothing more. This is for a number of reasons:

1. I have always been financially independent and wanted to remain so
2. DH was not in a stable career at the time - his bstd employers made him redundant a week before dd came along. I was in a well paid job so it seemed a logical choice even though he got back into work quickly.
3. I enjoy work, always - having kids was life changing, but not to the point where I only wanted to be with them. Working has always been very important to me.

Childcare has cost me a fortune, over £10K per child per year AFTER TAX. So 2 kids, £20K per year for the first 5 years AFTER TAX - Don't give me all this nonsense about government helping out with childcare schemes and vouchers. These are a drop in the ocean and do not cover remotely the costs involved in childcare.

I have lots of SAHM friends and for many years was the only one out of my group who went back full time. My view is that it is each to their own and unfortunately money is a deciding factor in most cases. Interestingly most of my SAHM friends were disapproving of my full time work - I say live and let live, we are all trying to do the best by our children. If my children grow up with a strong work ethic and value their family, I will be delighted. Oh yes, rich, healthy and all that too...

If I had my time again, I don't know what I would do - I love my family, but I am a better mother for not being a SAHM.

Can we just ditch the 'why have children for someone else to look after' line. Bloody insulting to WAHM/WOHM. No-one attacks fathers for going back to work. And if all women with small children stayed at home, we'd lose a hell of a lot of doctors/teachers/nurses/police officers and other occupations that are jolly useful to all of us.

Make it easier for people to live by all means, but don't attack working parents just because you are lucky enough to SAH.

I do agree the thrust of government policy is all about getting mothers back to work, when it should be helping parents to do whatever they feel is best for their children. And the economy is skewed in favour of double income households, forcing people back to paid work whether they like it or not.

I like the idea of abolishing tax credits (ridiculously complex system that only exists so Gordon could disguise redistribution) and raising the personal tax allowance so lower earners pay less tax in the first place.

Thanks all for these suggestions - I'll try my best to do you justice, but think we've enough here for an hour long special not a 3 min news item!

Thanks again though, here's hoping someone out there listens to us.

MNHQ

This may have already been said but when you sit down and look at everything which has gone up in recent months:-
Mortgages
Gas
Electricity
Water
Food bills

.....how are we supposed to afford stay at home.

To make it worse when you do go back to work the cost of childcare is so high that you end up being £200 a month better off which although is not probably worth it - is better than nothing in the current climate.

I have been a SAHM for the last 4.4 years and we have finally ran out of savings and am now struggling to survive on DH Salary (and that is slightly above the 31k mentioned in the op).

The cost of living has raised dramatically in the last 4 years (my bugeting spreadsheet proves this).. costs of fuel and food are the main problems but this is no secret to anyone!

DD goes to school full time in September and I wanted to stay at home a little longer so I could be there at the end and start of her school day, but I need to go back to work in order to pay our bills.

I thought this would be easy - how foolish I was, there really are no jobs around that would enable me to take her and pick her up from school, so am now having to look at putting her in after school care (which although is excellent at her school - that is not what I want to do)..

Think it is very sad that after staying at home with her for this long, now won't be able to be there for her when I feel she will need me...

My big problem with working outside the house (I work from home as a freelancer) is what happens when the children come home. Mine seem to need increasingly more and more help with homework--supervising it, but also testing on vocab. and spellings, listening to piano practice, etc.

Tell me, oh ladies who work outside the home, how does your evening schedule work? How do you get the schoolwork/music practice done and cope with after-school activities and cook supper, etc? Or do you have nannies who can do some of the above?

[sorry--this is a sidetrack from the OP]