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Original poster

Do you feel the same as me?

87 replies

Lonelymum · 08/01/2005 14:41

Over the last few days, when I have come on Mumsnet, there has been a lot of "talk" about Wig and Robe/ Judge Flounce or Lavender etc and lots of back biting and "in" jokes. It is quite off putting for people on the periphery such as me. Do you agree that Mumsnet would be better off without this kind of talk? I don't necessarily want to talk nappies and weaning all the time, but I am far happier to give advice on that score than to find nothing but gossip and girls being bitchy.

I am not flouncing, but if I don't get much positive response to this post, I shall seriously reconsider coming to Mumsnet again.

OP posts:

Twiglett · 08/01/2005 16:47

MrsBigD · 08/01/2005 16:48

hehehe Twiglett you're just 'normal' . Live's serious enough isn't it

back]]]]]]]

mishi1977 · 08/01/2005 16:51

hi lonely mum
to an extent i agree...i like to have a chat about stuf fother than being a mum but i have even commented to DH about how nasty this site can seem to be sometimes..i know people can rub each other up the wrong way and I have seen some of the more vile posts by people in an attempt to gain a reaction but at the end of the day it is acheived even more so because people will get sucked into the thread....i have spoken to some lovely people on here and regularly meet up with the liverpool mummies so for that i am very grateful to this site....but in another sense it is very hard to infiltrate the 'popular gang' on here which does remind me somewhat of the school playground...this post isnt meant to offend but it is just my opinion from watching recent events unfolding

FlashingNose · 08/01/2005 16:54

suedonim's post says it all and should be added to the MN philosophy.

orangina · 08/01/2005 17:01

Surely people can join into whatever threads they want, and ignore the others that annoy/don't interest them, or whatever..... I know that mn has been quite frantic over the last few days with the w&r/jf scandal breaking etc, but if people don't like what they are reading, just leave the thread (with or without a flounce!), and find another one. I didn't appreciate getting told I was "nasty" the other night for thinking aloud about whether jf/w&r was for real (and no, it was nothing to do with her personal life) on a thread that was discussing just that....
Same as rl really....

Original poster

Lonelymum · 08/01/2005 17:05

Feel I really shouldn't post on this thread anymore, but can't resist defending myself. I freely admit I started a contentious titled thread the other day but it was not, I emphasise, a bitchy thread in any way at all. It was deleted, not because I was a naughty girl but because I instantly realised my mistake and quickly asked Mumsnet to delete it, ie about 15 minutes after starting it. I just opened my mouth and the wrong thing came out anfd I apologised several times. It was nothing like on the same scale as the other threads we are talking about. Nuff said (I hope).

Secondly, I know I post a bit but that does not determine ones position within the community IMO. I am on the periphery but I am quite glad that some people think I am not because obviously I would like to feel accepted even in this quasi-world.

Thirdly, I agree with those who say just take what you want from Mumsnet and ignore the rest. I hope everyone does that and doesn't get put off Mumsnet by some things they don't like.

OP posts:

PuffTheMagicDragon · 08/01/2005 17:06

On Mumsnet there are:

People I love/like and/or respect (75%)

People I have no view on at all (20%)

And, people I'm heartily glad are safely tucked in my computer and I can turn 'em off at a moments notice (5%)

Original poster

Lonelymum · 08/01/2005 17:08

Agree.

OP posts:

PuffTheMagicDragon · 08/01/2005 17:08

mishi1977 · 08/01/2005 17:08

pmsl ptmd i agree too

tigermoth · 08/01/2005 17:53

I think the party analogy is a really good one. Like many parties I've been to, there are times when the atmoshhere is calm and civilised, and nothing much is happening out of the ordinary, other times when things are wilder, people feed off that humour and it the whole party atmosphere changes.

Just like any party, how you react to others and how you are perceived by others depends a lot on when you arrive and leave. I tend to post early in the morning and rarely get to chat live to any mumsnetters. All wine fueled evening chat threads have been put to sleep. I miss most of the day time chats as well as I can't post from work. I do add things to threads, but am simply not around when most of the 'live action' takes place. I imagine I am perceived as un chatty and unknown (except to some old timers). I would seem like a different person if I posted at a different time of the day. I could actually share online jokes with others on a regular basis (wistful sigh). People who post when the site is buzzing may seem more 'in' on things, simply because they are in the right place at the right time.

roisin · 08/01/2005 18:41

I like Suedonim's party analogy too. But unlike a RL party I can wander around lurking if I want, or just leave when I've had enough, without offending anyone!

I love mumsnet. Yesterday I was feeling a bit low for various reasons. I came on here, and completely ignored the contentious threads - as is my wont. I read at least two, possibly three threads, which made me laugh out loud, and really cheered me up.
So thank you everyone

Sometimes I wonder if people on here think I'm really boring, because I don't post on the chat/joke threads. But I do read them, laugh at them, enjoy them, but very rarely feel witty enough to contribute to them. But then it doesn't matter what you think, does it? Because it's not RL. And anyway until I just mentioned it most of you probably never realised I never post anything even vaguely amusing!

jodee · 08/01/2005 18:53

I'd go along with Soph, Suedonim and Tigermoth. I still feel like I'm on the outskirts of the MN group even after 3 1/2 years, but I like it that way, I don't crave popularity (had enough of that in the classroom).

Agree with your posting too, Roisin, and I think I would fall off my chair in complete shock if I ever saw a thread with my name in the title!

There are some wonderful people on here and my life would be the poorer without Mumsnet and all its different personalities, it's what life's all about good and bad, chaos and order.

ZoeBristol · 08/01/2005 18:54

As a new mn i have been LOL at some threads then flippen well for some people who have been soooo mean. I do hope the people concerned come to their senses and realise bully girl tactics are unwanted at school work and definatly on MN.

weightwatchingwaterwitch · 08/01/2005 18:54

This stuff happens every now and again, it's in the nature of forums I think. And there are always threads asking 'is it always like this?' 'why is mumsnet so bitchy?' etc. etc. I just found a few actually, while looking for SueW's lifecycle of a mailing list which ia so true and interesting reading for anyone on these 'why oh why' threads. Hey, it would be boring if we all agreed all the time, that's NOT a discussion!

ZoeBristol · 08/01/2005 18:58

true www

charlie01 · 08/01/2005 19:08

I'm very new to mumsnet and looking at it all from a (kind of) outside point of view I think there is a really good mix of topics and conversations.

I didn't realise there were any "in crowds" but maybe im just being dim? I have just joined in with the things I am interested in and left the threads that I disagree with/have nothing to offer alone.

I just think that I wouldn't expect to get on with everyone in RL and as this is my light entertainment/source of info, there's no point in getting upset about peoples comments or opinions when they're not the same as my own.

Maybe I am just being naive but I hope that I never take this site too seriously and just enjoy meeting and chatting to people like I have so far.

SenoraPostrophe · 08/01/2005 19:19

Sometimes it feels like there are in-crowds, I agree.

When i first started posting I did feel ignored a lot of the time, but now I'm an old-timer (and possibly one of the cliquy types being slagged off here) I don't worry about it. I just assume that my post was missed and get on with it.

As for bitchiness - it's part of the texture of Mumsnet. It goes a bit far sometimes (generally in that too many people post the same comment rather than any particular post being out of order) but as www says, that's the way with forums.

SenoraPostrophe · 08/01/2005 19:22

how do you spell cliquey?

Original poster

Lonelymum · 08/01/2005 19:24

As you just have.

OP posts:

charlie01 · 08/01/2005 19:33

I was just being dim - the thing about being ignored is so true!! Ive noticed that loads but just thought I must be really uninteresting!

marthamoo · 08/01/2005 19:36

Every time someone raises the question of whether MN is cliquey I feel obliged to go and stick my oar in and post on every single thread I can find (whether I have any relevant experience or not) just so I don't appear to be leaving anyone out. I hope you know it's very hard work!

Original poster

Lonelymum · 08/01/2005 19:38

Hang on in there Charlie01. I thought I was being ignored to begin with and still do quite a lot, but you have to accept that you are not. I often post after the conversation has already died so of course no-one is going to reply to that, and when I have started threads, especially serious ones, I have always found that there are several people who respond and are really helpful and concerned. I can't infiltrate the purely chatty threads, but maybe that is because I don't really try hard enough.

OP posts:

Flossam · 08/01/2005 19:39

I do sometimes feel quite ignored...even though I know I'm not really...does that make sense?!

MrsBigD · 08/01/2005 19:42

being ignored is a relative thing I have found that there are peak times when heaps of netters are on and some times it's 'lone city'

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