How much responsibility should you give a 15-year old? The Observer wants to know our thoughts please...

[JustineMumsnet]

Following the horrendous Scarlet Keeling murder story and the subsequent report that the police are investigating her mother for negligence, The Observer would lke to know how much responsibility we think a teenager should be given. Personally I'm of the view that it depends on the 15 year old but seeing as I don't actually have a teenager I'd be grateful to know what do you all think please wise Mumsnetters?

If any parent of teenagers would like to have their own voxbox in the Obs (150 words on this issue) then they are looking for someone. Either call Amelia Hill on 07967 366938 or mail her at [email protected] (You can just send her your 150 words if you'd prefer)

and I did send him 12000 miles solo flyer aged 12 to see quite possibly the craziest folks you'd ever meet. The fact that they were his dads family was the factor that made it ok. But I've not seen them in a decade and before I left NZ my conversation with his grandmother was confined to how the hell did I get pregnant and how I was going to hell for being unwed...
but you know he came back safely. With a tan.

She needs it by tomorrow morning Piffle - or you could just email your thoughts if you'd rather.

I have a 14 year old and he's allowed to do the following, walk to the youth club and back on a Friday night, catch the train to my mums' and the pictures a couple of towns away, walk the mile to and from school (all weathers). And I have left him babysitting the 5 years old but, only when my neighbour is in, only for an hour and she pops in to check everything is ok, a couple of times. I do tell him what time to be in and it's very rare that he is late.

I should say though that ds is really quite a responsible type though.

can't do by then got sick dd... Buggery, could possibly do interviewy type thing.

'tis odd that you can just leave home and get a job and get married when you are sixteen, so in the months before that you would think you should be allowed some tastes of freedom!

However I shall of course be making sure my children don't leave me side until they are at least 42

I in my time have had several 15yr olds, and have one of that age right now, She is generaly a sensible, inteligent girl, who knows right from wrong, she babysits, but only over the road from me, and helps out as much as she can.

That said, yes she is going to screw up at times, and has done. She was with a group of friends all going to the local youth club, and a lift home was arranged, all lies, she was down the park with a bottle of cider, her friend was carted of in an ambulance, and Dd had a huge wake up call, thank god her friend was ok, but I spent a good few days not only drumming in the underage drinking, but the risks to herself and what could happen if someone was of the mind to take advantage of her in that position.

They are young Adults, and should be treated as such, they have to learn from their mistakes, but still need a guiding hand from Mum and Dad.

She is the 6th 15 yr old I have pulled my hair out over nurtured, 1 more to go , they have all turned out as pretty descent people, so I can't have gone far wrong, all we can do is guide and love, and allow them to spread their wings and hopefully fly home.

My eldest DD now 18 and I agree that we relaxed a little bit when she turned 16,and much more so since she has been 18.
Fifteen is a difficult age imo,the need to test the boundaries seems very strong at this age and yet the teen is of course still the responsibility of the parents.
We found we were in conflict with her over everything especially curfews. We relaxed about t his after she was 16 when we realised we were upsetting ourselves so much and her not at all!
Whilst I personally would notleave a 15 yr old in a foreign country it can be very difficult to 'make' anyone of this age do what t he parents want without a lot of trouble.unfortunately,in Scarlett'scase that would have been preferable.

I did ring her, rambled incoherent trails of rubbish
Great that's one career I can forget LOL

When my 15 year old DD threw a strop and refused to come anywhere with us she was a nightmare. I can see how easy it would be to leave her behind. TBH though, I would have made the whole family stay and put pressure on her to stick with the group.

a 15 yr olds idea of hell, road trip with 5 younger siblings/step siblings and mother and stepdad. My ds acts like he is dying if he thinks he has to spend a whole day with us...

When I was fifteen, I used to get picked up from school by my aunt or uncle on a Friday, I'd babysit for their six month old on a Fri night as they went out, Saturday I'd babysit whilst they worked, sometimes Sat night and Sunday as well. If they worked Sunday's, I'd be cooking the Sunday dinner for when they got back.
I was always described as "responsible".
Which I was, I guess, but still got a bit naive at times. Like meeting boys I'd met on the internet, older boys, behind my parents back. I remember being in the back of one guys car, being driven around town and thinking how cool I was.
I was lucky, I'm still in touch with the guy I met a decade later, and he was a nice guy. My parents knew nothing about it.

going back to original question:

how much responsibility do you give your 15 yr old?

My 15 yr old dd has been at college 250 miles away since last september. She lodges with a family as there are no boarding facilities at the college. She is responsible for cooking her evening meal ( we provide frozen dinners to last her a week or two). She comes home by bus on her own which takes 6 hours. She is loving the course that she is doing and the sense of responsiblity that she has. We tell her often that we are proud of the way she has managed on her own.... we do this partly to instill in her the idea that she MUST be responsible for herself.

WE tell her we sometimes worry about the fact that she is so far from home at such a young age. She says she is not "that young Mum". We say that if there anything happens that we would not approve of we will take her out of the course. She says "please never take me away from this school." We hope that the fact that she loves this college so much will make her live up to her responsibilities.

She is quite well travelled.

She and her best friend went together alone to visit bf's grandparents when they were 14, by plane - 3 hour flight - delivered to airport by both sets of parents - collected at other end by grandparents.

Of course, if anything terrible happened, people would say..."tut tut, well of course they did let their daughter travel alone at the age of 14/go to a school 250 miles away at the age of 15".