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Original poster

MN deleting threads because the OP has a tantrum

55 replies

MatildaIThink · 20/10/2021 12:38

A serious question, why do MN do this?

It seems to be a regular occurrence that an OP will start a thread, when they do not the response they want they will then have a tantrum, start telling posters they are wrong, etc. and MN will then delete the thread.

I don't agree with closing down threads just because someone disagrees (rather than say libel or other legal issues, or personally identifying information), however outside of those circumstances it seems excessive to delete the threads even if there is an underlying mentality of wanting to close down the debate, surely it would make more sense to leave them standing as a record of what has been said, even if they are locked so that no one can post any further (which still seems excessive)?

What is the reasoning behind the daily deletions of threads that happens purely because the OP has a tantrum?

OP posts:
SueSaid · 20/10/2021 16:05

So what if they do?

I don't know any other site where ops can't delete their own threads. It's a chat forum, it's supposed to be fun.

If someone asks for a thread to be zapped I could not give a fuck tbh.

Aimee1987 · 20/10/2021 16:08

It's quite possible the op requests they get taken down. I requested one of mine be taken down not because people disagreed with me but I realised that there was too much identifying information and if the person the thread was about ever read it I was fucked.

GreyhoundG1rl · 20/10/2021 16:10

@Aimee1987

It's quite possible the op requests they get taken down. I requested one of mine be taken down not because people disagreed with me but I realised that there was too much identifying information and if the person the thread was about ever read it I was fucked.
Do people genuinely not think of this before posting?
Original poster
MatildaIThink · 20/10/2021 16:22

@JaniieJones

So what if they do?

I don't know any other site where ops can't delete their own threads. It's a chat forum, it's supposed to be fun.

If someone asks for a thread to be zapped I could not give a fuck tbh.

It is of course their prerogative, they own the site. However when threads and discussions involve multiple people it would seem quite petulant that one person is allowed to shut down the entire discussion because they choose to have a tantrum.

I don't know any other site where someone can delete the whole thread, almost all allow users to edit/delete their own posts, but not delete the whole thread.

I just find it rude that one person gets to shut down the entire conversation because of a tantrum.

OP posts:
FilltheWaterPot · 20/10/2021 16:24

Maybe the OP feels that yet more people will pile on and that that won't be helpful, having received a representative number of replies already? As a PP has said, an OP can delete their post from other social media sites.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 20/10/2021 16:26

I think once a thread degenerates into a tantrum and bickering there's no point in keeping it. Even if there's a useful discussion in there it gets drowned out so 🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster
MatildaIThink · 20/10/2021 16:26

@FilltheWaterPot

Maybe the OP feels that yet more people will pile on and that that won't be helpful, having received a representative number of replies already? As a PP has said, an OP can delete their post from other social media sites.
It is not the OP deleting their post that I feel is the issue, it is that the OP can delete the entire thread. On Twitter for instance if I delete my tweet, it does not delete everyone's replies.
OP posts:
SueSaid · 20/10/2021 16:26

'However when threads and discussions involve multiple people it would seem quite petulant that one person is allowed to shut down the entire discussion because they choose to have a tantrum.'

They may not be having a 'tantrum'. They may be distressed by some of the comments, or regret starting the thread as someone irl may have spotted them. Why do you care? Just move on to another thread.

It isn't 'rude', it is the Internet and tbh I think we should be allowed to delete threads ourselves but as we can't I certainly don't object to mnhq doing it.

ThirdElephant · 20/10/2021 16:27

@JaniieJones

So what if they do?

I don't know any other site where ops can't delete their own threads. It's a chat forum, it's supposed to be fun.

If someone asks for a thread to be zapped I could not give a fuck tbh.

This.
MoreAloneTime · 20/10/2021 16:28

I think some decision must have been made that when an OP cries "identifying" that it must've removed. Some of the "identifying" threads are anything but it's just a way to get it taken down.

MrsAvocet · 20/10/2021 16:29

I don't know any other site where ops can't delete their own threads
Really? I've never used one where you can.
Every other site I use has an edit function, either time limited or open until someone replies which I think is good - you can correct typos etc but not change the meaning of your post once the conversation has started. But usually whole threads only get taken down because rules are broken or rarely if the OP has posted something that actually puts them or someone else at some kind of risk.
I agree with MatildaIThink - threads shouldn't be taken dien just because the OP doesn't like the way they go. The OP doesn't "own" a thread. People put time and energy into replies and information and opinions posted may well be of value to other people who are reading, not just the OP. It's frustrating when interesting conversations and posts you have really thought about get zapped because the OP throws a wobbler. For that reason, I've more I've more or less given up posting on threads that look like they are getting heated, even ones where I have professional or personal experience that might be genuinely helpful.

MrsRobbieHart · 20/10/2021 16:30

Well once an OP wants a thread withdrawn, who benefits from it staying up? I’m not sure why you would want a thread kept up in those circumstances? Unless you’re the sort of person who grabs the popcorn and settles in for the show?

Original poster
MatildaIThink · 20/10/2021 16:31

@JaniieJones

'However when threads and discussions involve multiple people it would seem quite petulant that one person is allowed to shut down the entire discussion because they choose to have a tantrum.'

They may not be having a 'tantrum'. They may be distressed by some of the comments, or regret starting the thread as someone irl may have spotted them. Why do you care? Just move on to another thread.

It isn't 'rude', it is the Internet and tbh I think we should be allowed to delete threads ourselves but as we can't I certainly don't object to mnhq doing it.

The thing I find annoying on here as well as in real life is the idea that discussion should be shut down because one side does not like it, because it distresses them, triggers them etc. Censorship of reasonable discussion makes me far more uncomfortable than anything anyone could say in reasonable discussion.

That is fair enough that you have a difference of opinion though, I disagree on deleting the whole thread, but I am also not going to tell MN to delete the thread because we have differing views, it is only fair that your comments are yours to delete, not mine.

OP posts:
ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings · 20/10/2021 16:31

I dunno, sometimes you end up revealing more than you intend to or a tabloid picks it up and it gets a bigger audience than you expected. I posted in baby names once because the initials of the name I wanted to give my baby spelled something and I wasn't sure how big of a deal it was. The original post wasn't identifying but I mentioned in a subsequent post what my sister's name was. Still not very identifying but more so since I'd also said what the initials of our surname were. Anyway, I didn't think twice about it since no one I know reads mumset and even if they did they probably wouldn't have been on the baby names forum. But then my thread turned into such a flame fest that the Sun picked it up. At that point I became anxious that someone reading the article would identify me. It would have been pretty easy I think, anyone who knows me will know the first letter of my daughters name, the letters of our surname, and the name of my sister. If they'd decided to search my user name they could easily have found enough other info to confirm their suspicions (I used to live in a fairly unusual country for example). I know the chance was only small but I'd just given birth and was feeling quite vulnerable so didn't need the extra anxiety and MN agreed to delete it. The thread got so many scornful and rude comments though that anyone reading it probably thought I'd asked for it to be deleted because I didn't like the answers. It wasn't a tantrum, I appreciated the honest feedback and chose a different middle name, but that's what it probably looked like to the people who posted. If the Sun hadn't picked it up I would have left it to stand.

Original poster
MatildaIThink · 20/10/2021 16:33

@MrsRobbieHart

Well once an OP wants a thread withdrawn, who benefits from it staying up? I’m not sure why you would want a thread kept up in those circumstances? Unless you’re the sort of person who grabs the popcorn and settles in for the show?
I feel that quite often perfectly reasonable discussions take place, but because they do not agree with the OP the threads get deleted. I noticed over the last week there have been a couple of OPs who have created very similar threads multiple times, with each one being deleted when the majority of other posters did not agree with them.
OP posts:
Aimee1987 · 20/10/2021 16:34

@GreyhoundG1rl I of course changed details and scenarios but as people asked for more detail aspects of it got to the point where the person in question if she was on mumsnet may have copped it was about her. It was vague about a widely discussed topic on here but I didnt want to take the risk.

AosSi · 20/10/2021 16:35

I agree with you OP, I always think it's ridiculous when people get in a snit and want their thread deleted. If you're old enough to post online, you're old enough to own your shit. Just walk away from the account if it's that upsetting to you, reregistering is easy.

MrsRobbieHart · 20/10/2021 16:36

I feel that quite often perfectly reasonable discussions take place, but because they do not agree with the OP the threads get deleted. I noticed over the last week there have been a couple of OPs who have created very similar threads multiple times, with each one being deleted when the majority of other posters did not agree with them.

Ok, but how does that affect you, or anyone that has posted?

MoreAloneTime · 20/10/2021 16:38

It is a slap in the face to anyone who takes the time to post well thought out advice.

Original poster
MatildaIThink · 20/10/2021 16:41

@MrsRobbieHart

I feel that quite often perfectly reasonable discussions take place, but because they do not agree with the OP the threads get deleted. I noticed over the last week there have been a couple of OPs who have created very similar threads multiple times, with each one being deleted when the majority of other posters did not agree with them.

Ok, but how does that affect you, or anyone that has posted?

When a group of people are having a discussion, it is rude and unreasonable for one person to be able to shut down the entire conversation. People come here to share ideas, to communicate with others, to share advice, having those discussions shut down is how it affects people.

Sure it is not going to impact someone's life that they cannot continue a conversation on MN, but equally it is not going to impact someone's life that having people disagree with them but that disagreement not being deleted either.

OP posts:
Dartfordwarblerautumn · 20/10/2021 16:42

@JaniieJones

'However when threads and discussions involve multiple people it would seem quite petulant that one person is allowed to shut down the entire discussion because they choose to have a tantrum.'

They may not be having a 'tantrum'. They may be distressed by some of the comments, or regret starting the thread as someone irl may have spotted them. Why do you care? Just move on to another thread.

It isn't 'rude', it is the Internet and tbh I think we should be allowed to delete threads ourselves but as we can't I certainly don't object to mnhq doing it.

This. I once asked for a thread to be deleted. It was a relatively small AIBU and my first post. I hadn’t realised just how nasty people could be and got called all sorts of things because people assumed a lot about the situation. I could not give more information because it was outing and really it didn’t need more explanation till I was undergoing a personal character assignation . Some people did read the post, and respond with some helpful advice . But to read those I was having to Wade through an increasing pile on of frankly abusive messages. I asked for it to be deleted . MN did not want to but I insisted because it was really nasty. Yes, it was a learning point for me to be very careful about what I posted as I was new to MN at the time. I had no idea that it could be so toxic.
MrsRobbieHart · 20/10/2021 16:56

When a group of people are having a discussion, it is rude and unreasonable for one person to be able to shut down the entire conversation. People come here to share ideas, to communicate with others, to share advice, having those discussions shut down is how it affects people.

MNHQ aren’t stupid. They do look at the threads that are reported. If someone says a thread is too identifying or causing them distress MNHQ are going to be able to tell if that’s true or not by looking at the thread. They don’t just zap them without basis.

Sure it is not going to impact someone's life that they cannot continue a conversation on MN, but equally it is not going to impact someone's life that having people disagree with them but that disagreement not being deleted either.

Of course it can impact someone if the way they are being disagreed with is excessively harsh or mocking or whatever. This is MN, we’ve all seen it. Let’s not pretend we’re talking about lovely supportive threads being deleted.

Nahhh · 20/10/2021 16:59

Sometimes (speaking from experience) an absolute pile on can have a big impact on a post with mental health problems.

In that kind of situation I’d say the OP’s health is more important than the need of a load of posters who want to have a ‘debate’. I wouldn’t want to cause anyone unnecessary distress even if it is being viewed as a “tantrum”

yesterdayisinthepast · 20/10/2021 17:04

@GreyhoundG1rl I always think this too

BoofTheFloof · 20/10/2021 17:04

I think the delete option needs to stay, although it is frustrating when it's just because the op is having a flounce.
I was once utterly utterly furious with some other parents and posted a massive rant about a situation. Was greatly cheered by everyone wholeheartedly agreeing they were utterly bastardly wrong. A few kind posters did gently point out that the circumstances were pretty uniquely identifiable so I asked for the thread to be removed. HQ were very nice and agreed that it was so identifiable because they'd behaved so badly that removal made sense.

I did screenshot some of the funniest responses and suggestions...
I'm cross again thinking about it.