not to understand why Mumsnet deletes threads?

[bluegreygreen]

I mostly stick to AIBU, with rare forays to other pages.

I thought as a general rule Mumsnet usually only removed threads where the OP was a troll, or where there were a lot of unpleasant personal attacks.

Recently I've been reading a few threads where the thread has then disappeared, with the message 'OP has requested that we remove this', for no very obvious reason.

AIBU not to understand this? In that case, surely any OP could request removal if people weren't agreeing with them?

I agree with those saying threads should be deleted on demand.

A couple days ago they deleted one where someone said they were going to try some weed. It was deleted because it’s illegal but there’s been countless threads where people do illegal stuff that don’t get deleted - there’s a thread every couple months where people say they haven’t been charged for items or sent items in the post and kept them. Surely that’s ‘illegal’ too?

*when there’s been a mistake in the order or they haven’t ordered them I mean!

I came to this after looking at a thread which the OP says is just about to be deleted at her request. I'm sure she's acting in good faith, but it's quite irritating that she's left it up long enough for people to spend a lot of time giving her helpful advice only for all their posts to be deleted as she's now decided it's identifying. To be honest, if it is identifying now, then it was identifying from the moment of her first post, so why is it suddenly no longer OK?

MN, would it be possible to put something in the site rules and/or prominently displayed at the top of topics that people need to think before they post whether they want to take the risk of being identified, because you won't be deleting for that reason in anything other than very exceptional circumstances?

MN, would it be possible to put something in the site rules and/or prominently displayed at the top of topics that people need to think before they post whether they want to take the risk of being identified, because you won't be deleting for that reason in anything other than very exceptional circumstances?

It's too much of a balancing act having to worry about being identified. On the one hand a poster will be economical with the facts for fear of being identified. Then people want more info to help with advice, then the OP is accused of drip feeding. And so it goes on.

The ability to request a deletion should always be available, not just in exceptional circumstances. People shouldn't become over invested if they are worried their well- crafted responses will be deleted.

It's not a matter of being concerned about well-crafted responses. It just seems quite rude to put up a thread, get what you want out of it and then get it pulled. At least if people were duly warned that it's not going to be that easy it might deter them a bit.

It just seems quite rude to put up a thread, get what you want out of it and then get it pulled.

How is that rude? That is the whole point of starting a thread surely? Certainly an advice one anyway.

On the one hand a poster will be economical with the facts for fear of being identified. Then people want more info to help with advice, then the OP is accused of drip feeding. And so it goes on.

Or a poster will nitpick inconsistencies in the info in different threads started by the op, such as the number and ages of her dc, when the op is probably trying to protect her privacy by changing bits of information that aren't directly relevant to the question.

I've seen an op being the victim of a pile on when she refused to give some quite specific information about her dd. It wasn't necessary to know in order to answer the op's question, it was just other posters being nosy. And then getting arsy when op wouldn't satisfy their curiosity.

I so agree, Marta people who do advanced searches on an OP then drag all that into their current thread - why, just why, now that's what I'd call rude! They feel entitled to rake over a person's personal information that isn't necessarily relevant, but as you say, inconsistencies could be legitimately to protect their identity.

Deepan. That's maybe not a bad plan. We will give some thought to ways we can make it clearer to people that we can't always delete threads. We do send out reminders when we are asked about thread deletions that people should be circumspect about what they post but maybe there are ways we can make that more obvious.

We don't want to be completely black and white about it. While we try not to delete whole threads, we don't want to make anyone's life a misery, and we do have to accept that it's very easy to post in haste (and occasionally inspired by four glasses of wine!) and then repent at leisure! But yes, perhaps we could look into ways we might be able to be clearer without putting the fear of God into posters.

RainbowBrite, surely the whole point of starting a thread can't be to get it pulled?

No, I didn’t phrase that brilliantly. I am thinking of sensitive advice threads rather than ‘what shall I watch on telly’ or ‘let’s have a chat’ type threads. In that case I would start them to get advice but would like them to be pulled afterwards, especially if I wanted to ask about something embarrassing! Yes, it might help other posters but I don’t think that's worth the ongoing upset to the OP.

HebeMumsnet, actually I think you should be putting the fear of god into posters. I know I have started threads in the past (e.g. on sex) when in retorospext perhaps I shouldn’t have as I overshared!

While we are on it I hate the ability to see advance search posters and especially hate it when it is used to flame people.

Thread just gone about the child soiling her pants - why? Because the OP was called out on having her mildly autistic child scrub her shit stains. Seeking medical help hadn’t occurred to her. What a farce!

But why does that thread need to stay up? I get the feeling people want threads to stay up just so they can beat the OP and leave it up to ‘shame’ them.

Why should it be deleted? Name changer OP and all who became more defensive as it went on.

Nothing to do with bashing.

It doesn't really matter about asking about something embarrassing, though, Rainbow, no-one will ever know it's you unless you're foolish enough to let something identifying slip. Especially if you name change.