Getting Mumsnet back to the way it used to be.

[Jubbly]

I've posted this under Site Stuff because I truly do believe that this is affecting the whole site at the moment - or at least the 'Talk' area.

I apologise in advance to anyone who thinks I am speaking out of turn but I feel I have to say something.

Mumsnet, to me at least, is the very best site of its kind. The posters are the kindest, friendliest bunch of people I have ever had the privilege to meet. I won't make them blush by naming names but some in particular have literally brought tears to my eyes with their kindness and generosity.

I don't know what has happened recently but over the past few days or so the 'atmosphere on here has been awful, Some threads have turned into war-zones with name-calling and insults. On the'safe' threads people are talking about how awful they are feeling after having their professions pulled to pieces.

At the same time new members are afraid to post in case they are accused of being a troll. Posters are feeling hurt when they talk about awful experiences and are accused of lying.

The point of this thread isn't to cast the blame on anyone. I just want to make a plea to people to try to think before they post. Think about how what you say may affect others.Count to ten if you need to but please can we get Mumsnet back to the way it was?

bet you are glad about that M2T

God YES Fio2 - I hate seeing anyone being upset and scared on Mumsnet..... coz I know how it feels!

As a relative newbie on here I probably haven't gone through the MN toughening-up process yet. I do agree though that it really hasn't been nice here just lately. I've been lurking but haven't dared to post much. I'm even nervous about posting this!

As people have said, it will blow over. There is the odd poster that could really do with a bit of virtual wrist-slapping though, so I don't mind a bit of argy-bargy, you never know, they might learn something.

I agree KS. FWIW I think that the sheer growth of MN has changed it.

I feel a bit the same sobernow...

We aren't like that all the time, honest

But actually I feel that posters posing as someones ex-h, and virtually stalking someone else, posting their private details on the boards...well actually that is the kind of thing that would REALLY put me off posting. Oh, and being called a b*h.

message withdrawn

I hope what happened doesn't put off new posters. It would be such a shame. Although I read the threads yesterday, and had my own opinion, I bit my tongue and stayed well away. I think if more people did that these slanging matches would die out much quicker and less people would be upset.

In the main everyone gets on and if someone has a difference of opinion it is usually discussed in a mature way. These slanging match threads are few and far between

Mumsnet is still a brilliant site.

I have been a Mumsnetter for years, although I have never felt I was one of the 'in crowd' this may be due to the fact that my children were both beyond the initial baby stage when I first found mumsnet and also that I only ever get to log on whilst at work so I haven't spent any long evenings chatting with people - personally I feel that it blows very hot and cold - there are threads where everyone comes over as very compassionate and loving and there are others when someone types something that could be read as controversial (or was meant to be controversial) and the whole of mumsnet seems to be gunning for them - I, often find these threads funny and not offensive at all - even those when I have been shot down in flames. I think it is all part of mumsnet - I wouldn't expect a room full of mostly women debating children and how to bring them up, education, articles in the news, relationships, paedophiles, old aged pensioners, drivers, travel, etc. etc. to all agree and not get angry at times - mumsnet would be pretty boring. We have had a few occasions when posters have turned out to be trolls and, I feel that if a new member's first few posts are about naked children, paedophile questions etc. it is only natural for the others to be wary.

I try not to get involved in the slanging matches > but I was absolutely livid yesterday with DL - I don't care how innocent his humour towards twinkie was, I was just speechless anyone could be so insensitive. And all his protestations of how he didn't intend it like that, it was just a joke, he didn't know she'd react like that sounded very hollow to me as he did a very similar thing with another poster not so long ago - AND got attacked for it, just like he did yesterday. He must have a very short memory. He did apologise, but then blew it by ranting on about b***s and vultures, and being completely nasty. I'm not quite sure what he gets out of MN, but (despite the flounce) I'm sure he'll be back.

I don't have a problem with the heated debate threads per se - I stuck my two penn'orth in on the teachers thread last night. I do dislike it when they degenerate into name calling etc. I think it's possible to have a lively discussion without getting personal, and I will stick up for someone if I feel they have been treated unfairly (pie on the weaning thread yesterday).

It's a horrible state of affairs though when people feel put off posting, or people who are in dire need of support because they are vulnerable are dragged into on-line fights.

I think maybe it's something about January and that whole post-Christmas blues thing. Just been to JoJingles with ds2, normally a jolly little group: two toddlers came to blows, one was hysterical, and another had a tantrum that would have registered on the Richter scale. Roll on Spring.....

ks - MN is slow today and I am on broadband.

For what it's worth I have asked MN to delete all my posts from the Education thread. I do feel I politely put across some valid points (as does the moderator) and the thread is a little jumbled/makes ess sense as a result. But that was my intention. I hoping by doing that the thread makes less sense and will have run its course.

I miss Mumsnet but my problem these days is it's too big and too slow. In my new life as a SAHM, I rarely get more than about 20 mins at a time to spend on the PC which is just enough time to scan through various threads but never enough time to actually post.

I am just amazed that anyone bites when dadslib posts.. really you should all know better!

He must love it.

We dont know each other - if these were rows with people I loved I would be much more concerned - read, ignore and move on IMO

I have been here for over a year now and don't see a change at all! Just the natural fluctuations of harmony and riots like in normal life.....

and you would know M2t!

Ho ho yes Coddy....

Dear All

we were just about to start a similar thread and as always someone has beaten us to it. We were also getting depressed that we seemed to be spending all our time refereeing disputes and deleting messages - and that's definitely not what mumsnet's about.

We try to interfere as little as possible on Talk because you usually do such a great job of "policing" yourselves, but if everyone could just try and remember what we say "in a word about our philosophy" (as quoted earier by nearlymybeetrootday - great name ) it would be great. Also deleting huge tracts of Talk, as well as being time consuming, also makes a bit of a nonsense of the boards so if you could try not to post stuff you might regret (tricky I know but..) it would really help.

If anyone needs cheering up have a look at some of the recent threads about what's good about mumsnet - always makes me feel better (eg -
www.mumsnet.com/talkarchive/9/4664.html)

With thanks to all of your for all the great things you bring to mumsnet.

Carrie, Justine and Rachel