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reins: what do you all think?

67 replies

Joso · 01/07/2003 21:54

My 14mth old dd has just started walking (Today actually!!!) and I was thinking about getting some reins. Just wondered if anyone has any strong opinions either way?

OP posts:
janh · 06/07/2003 21:58

twiglett, I don't understand why it's different. In both (all) cases you are protecting the child from its own immature lunatic impulses. In the highchair you are stopping it from flinging itself on the floor and with reins you are stopping it from flinging itself under a car - I honestly can't see what the emotional difference is, or how one is dehumanising and the other isn't.

For the child I would have thought that being on reins, having a certain amount of leeway and being rescued from tumbling was preferable to being held by the hand/wrist and dangled along the pavement as many children are.

twiglett · 06/07/2003 22:12

message withdrawn

anais · 06/07/2003 22:44

I have had 2 potentially nasty moments with dd running off recently. She is 2 and doesn't like reins (fiercely independent, and I think the main problem is that I haven't used them from the start with her as I did with ds). She has no road sense, and we live on a fairly busy road that some cars drive incredibly fast down. It really frightened me. As Janh said, it only takes a fraction of a second.

I don't understand Twiglett, I know you've stated your opinion, and thats fine, but I don't understand. I am very vigilant too, but I have 2 children, and it's just not possible to give 100% attention 100% of the time.

Agree also with Soupie, particularly the last couple of lines.

tigermoth · 07/07/2003 07:59

I like the idea of reins but I've never been able to use them with my lively nearly 4 year old. From one years old he hated anything that srapped him in and escaped from cot, pushchair and car seat. He was an exceptionally strong and determined wriggler and climber. I did try a wrist strap when he was 2 years but he just wouldn't accept it with me. It was a failing on my part - he did accept a wrist strap with his childminder at the time. But he definitely had lots of other routines with her that he wouldn't carry over at home.

My solution - and it's not one I'd recommend to anyone - is to give him endless piggybacks near roads. Or I hold onto his wrist, not his hand or hold onto his collar (he's happy with the latter even though he hated me holding onto a wrist strap).

We manage somehow but I have had some hairy moments.

Some parents like me might face HUGE and prolongued resitance from their children over reins, since children are all different. In that case, reins are going to seem an extreme last resort, possibly verging on the cruel. I don't think using them is cruel btw, just an impossibility in my case.

I just could not go through the trauma of seeing my son so upset, I'm sorry.

I am lucky in that I am physically capable of still carrying my son, especially giving him piggybacks. I don't have a younger child in a pushchair to worry about either. He loves chatting to me while he is being carried, he is safe and happy, so that's what I do. I am gradually phasing it out - he is getting past the toddler stage and is getting more road aware, but I don't expect I'll stop the piggbacks completely for at least another year. I did exactly the same with my oldest son too so I hope my back holds out!

Wills · 07/07/2003 08:23

I agree wholeheartedly with you anais. Janh although I hate using reins and don't even have the excuse of 2 as I only have 1 and a bump but recently dd has become extremely determined. My dm took her to legoland (dm has arthritus) and dd ran off. When eventually found by customer services was she upset? Absolutely not. Some children are extremely independent souls (and my dd is one of them) and for those parents reins and wrist straps are literally a life saving grace.

When dd first started to walk we used reins because they helped us to help her keep her balance. Gradually we stopped using them because neither of us particularly like reins however our daughter's nature means that over time we got them out again. I now use a wrist strap. Dd is given one chance but if she runs off then (as in out of our sight) then the wrist strap goes on. She hates it but I hate more the idea of her being taken by a stranger.

GeorginaA · 07/07/2003 10:02

Can I just ask at what age you can switch to a wrist strap instead of reins? Ds uses reins quite happily but they're such a faff to get out and put on each time - would be nice just to slip on a wrist strap if that's going to be as safe at his age (he's 26 months)

janh · 07/07/2003 12:17

Wills, that was twiglett, not me - I think reins are excellent, used them with all mine and a wrist strap too when they were older. (Have stopped now youngest is 10 though )

SoupDragon · 07/07/2003 12:20

Not sure Georgina - DS1 refused to wear a wriststrap although he'd been happy with reins. He would have been about 2 or so as DS2 was just a little baby at the time. Have you moved yet BTW?

CAM · 07/07/2003 12:29

Have to object to your using the word dehumanising with reference to reins use,twiglett.

GeorginaA · 07/07/2003 12:50

Move Wednesday - YAY! (or OMG what have I let myself in for?! Depending on the hour of the day...)

suedonim · 07/07/2003 13:41

Snap, Georgina! We're moving back to the UK this week from Indonesia. The packers are coming tomorrow - why am I here reading Mumsnet???? (Because the computer will be gone in 24hrs time so I'm trying to get a M/N 'fix' in advance!) Hope all goes well for you.

GeorginaA · 07/07/2003 14:08

you too! Eep - Indonesia... okay ... I won't feel quite so worried about a move from Croydon to Worcester then

(sorry for hijacking the reins thread)

Oh, and I'm with you on the M/N fix... that's why packers get hired, right?

Wills · 07/07/2003 14:23

Sorry Janh - pregnant brain drop out! .

GeorginaA dd is 3. Stopped using reins around 2 but it was right for her etc

janh · 07/07/2003 14:31

suedonim, it seems as if you only just went! Have you been there a year? Lots of luck with the move and enjoy your reunions!

Georgina, good luck to you too - we have lived in our house 20 years already and I plan never to move - too complicated.

wickedstepmother · 07/07/2003 15:18

GoerginaA I live in Worcester !!! Where are you moving to ? I'm on Warndon Villages

suedonim · 07/07/2003 16:55

Hehehe, Georgina, that is indeed why packers were invented! Dh is also in the room with me, huffing and puffing as he sorts out papers while I Mumsnet - better go now but hopefully I'll get one last shot in the morning. God, I'll have to talk to dh and dd tomorrow evening.......

GeorginaA · 07/07/2003 17:03

woo hoo - me too wickedstepmother... Well ... from next week anyway ... will be joining dh again at the weekend once he's got the new house semi-sorted out!! (Staying with my mother with ds in the meantime to keep stress for ds to a minimum).

Thanks Wills - might pick up a wrist strap then and see how we get on. Ds is generally very good at holding hands, but I generally like something "just in case". I find the reins quite tricky to hold in combination with holding his hand.

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