Forgot to return purchases on time, retailer is charging me

[user120525]

I stupidly forgot to return £400(!!) worth of clothes within the retailer's 14 day returns eligibility window (perimenopause brain?). So I just posted the lot back to them and wrote them a nice email asking if I could please get a refund onto my original payment method (credit card).
They wrote back saying they've given me £400 credit onto my online account instead. I don't want this credit, I really need the money back.
I realise that I am entirely in the wrong here but was wondering if anyone knows or has ideas for recourse here so I can get actual real money refunded back to me?! TIA!

Not genuinely trying to help then, just having a pop at people with adhd. Nice.

The OP is not being treated unfairly. This is an online purchase, as with everyone else OP has a set number of days in which to inform and return the goods, the minumum requirement by law is 14 days to inform of return and a further 14 days from that to make the return, most of us operate on a 28 or 30 return policy to encompass both notification and return to the maximum limit required

The company OP used has given the OP a voucher/credit note even though they could actually have charged OP for not returning the goods within the time or refused to take the return full stop. Had the goods been purchased in a bricks and mortar shop, they don't have to refund at all for a change of mind, they can refuse to accept any return except a faulty good. Distance selling is different, people obviously need to see the item to make a final decision, 14 days after receipt of the item to make a decision is fair, a further two weeks to package and send the item is also fair.

This business went above what they are required to do in offering a credit/voucher.

How is this unfair?

Is a month not enough, what would be long enough 3 months, 6 months, 12 months, at any point someone wants to? There has to be a cut off point somewhere otherwise no business could function in any kind of distance selling.

Many many products particularly fashion and tech have a very short shelf life. The costs of returns are high in fashion and accessories, that has to be passed on to future customers, this isn't one small return, it is one of millions on a daily basis across an industry, it affects us all because those costs have to be factored into new product pricing.

This isn't all on the shoulders of the OP, this is just a small drop in the ocean but in terms of being treated unfairly, no, this isn't unfair.

ADHD tax is a phrase used to describe the penalties/costs that ADHD typically brings.

It’s not about fairness, it’s just a term that describes the impact that our difficulties have. It doesn’t mean we deserve special treatment.

Most of us with ADHD would suck up the consequences of OP’s situation because it’s a typical ADHD tax.

Photo attached to explain in greater detail as I’m too tired to explain properly.

If I buy two sizes of something because I’m not sure which will fit and the first one I try on fits me well, I don’t take the second one out of it’s plastic. I thought I was being helpful. Am I not?

Said someone who it seems has no understanding of ADHD - that’s the whole struggle with ADHD! 🤯

It's a lot harder for the retailer to resell the stock if it is no longer in their current range

If you genuinely think that you are being treated unfairly (ADHD tax) due to a disability (diagnosed ADHD) then I'm sure the company would have to work with you to find a better solution

It is up to the customer to find a solution.

Op knows she had ADHD therefore can do things to make life easier for herself, eg put alarms on to reminder to send parcels back or ask a family member to reminder her or do it or sticky notes in a prominent place.

By putting the onus on the company saying they should find a solution is deskilling a person as she will have the same problem over and over as she orders from different companies in the future. It'll be better for her to find away of not forgetting returns than rely on companies bailing her out evertime she forgets a return.

The thing is though, Op ordered £400 worth of clothes knowing that she didn’t intend to keep them all and had a track record of not being able to remember to send them back on time.

the knock on effect of this practice is that the company will lose money because that stock probably won’t sell at full retail value now.

So if a person is neurodivergent and this is repeatedly costing other people money and/or causing major inconvenience then, whilst it is ideal when companies are understanding and make allowances for disabilities there also needs to be some responsibility on the OP’s part to put things in place to stop this happening.

Either not ordering hundreds of pounds of clothes at one time.
shopping in an actual clothes shop
setting alarms that the are able to take notice of
or asking a trusted friend to help with the process.

Remember “reasonable adjustments” have to actually be reasonable not just giving somebody whatever they want because they’re neurodivergent.

You could argue that giving the credit is ‘‘reasonable adjustment’, as op has something back, rather than nothing.

FFS, what is with all the shitty comments on this thread?

Most of us are not actually arguing for any kind of adjustments or special treatment at all. Quite the contrary, we are saying that the OP needs to suck the cost up as one of the consequences of having adhd. Sometimes referred to jokingly as "the adhd tax".

Acknowledging the fact that adhd makes certain things much more difficult doesn't mean that we are expecting special treatment or more rights than anyone else. Stating that there can be significant costs arising from our adhd doesn't mean that we are expecting anyone else to pick up the bill. And having lived with adhd all of our lives, most of us are acutely aware of the need to develop strategies that enable us to work around our adhd, but we are also painfully aware of the fact that it isn't quite as simple as just setting a reminder on our smartphones.

If you don't understand what it is like to live with adhd, it is perhaps best not to make too many assumptions.

No, that's not what I meant.

What I meant was that if the disability (ADHD is a recognised disability, yes?) incurs costs that someone w/o that disability incurs then it can be addressed, in the same way that people with sight, hearing, mobility disabilities are accommodated.

AI says "Retailers are legally obligated to make reasonable adjustments for customers with ADHD, ensuring they can access services without undue disadvantage. This includes adjustments to the store environment, policies, and procedures, as well as communicating effectively with customers"

Do retailers need to communicate with customers with ADHD in a different way?

Well, it would be lovely if the rest of the world actually understood the challenges faced by people with adhd and stopped just assuming that we need to sort ourselves out, organise ourselves better, set reminders etc. However, most of us are resigned to the reality that this is unlikely to ever happen.

And frankly, most of us probably have enough on our plates just trying to cope with the challenges of daily life, so campaigning for adjustments from retailers isn't ever going to make it to the top of our priority list. It is so much easier to just suck it up.

Exactly this.

The retailer has already been beyond reasonable. They aren’t required to engage in money-losing practices just to accommodate people who aren’t even making an effort to manage themselves.

It’s a two-way street. The constant excuses for lack of personal responsibility are approaching absurd levels.

What would constitute a reasonable adjustment for people with ADHD?

Considering that OP did get a fair solution.

I’m also curious, as if the issue is that returns aren’t made on time, then would a two week extension make a difference if it returns if OP knowing she has more time and then delaying it again. Shops can’t have unlimited returns.

I think reasonable adjustment has already been reached. And I say that as someone with ADHD.

I'm with you on both posts here.

I know plenty of people who operate on last minute and being consistently late basis, even people without ADHD. I'm one of them in that I run it up to the line. Further time only results in more of the same. I'm also ND but not ADHD.

As I write reports on website accessibility I'm non-plussed as to what more could be done in policy to make it easier, and providing reasonable adjustment that doesn't mean the business loses even more every time a return is made and therefore costing all customers more for accommodating the reasonable adjustment.

Explanations are not necessarily excuses.

And adhd cannot simply be dismissed as a lack of personal responsibility or the failure to make an effort to manage self. If that's what you think it is, then I would respectfully suggest that you have no idea what you're talking about.

I agree that people need to put strategies in place to try to manage their symptoms, but many of us have tried harder than you can probably imagine to do this, and we find that many of the strategies that are so often suggested simply don't work for us. Or we may be working so incredibly hard to manage our symptoms at work and in our family lives that we simply have no reserves left to manage the stuff that only affects us personally. Yes, wevneed to keep trying, and no, I'm not making excuses. I am merely stating the fact that ADHD affects executive function. It is not a choice, and if we could switch off the symptoms by simply making more of an effort, then we wouldn't have adhd.

In this scenario, I agree that the retailer has done enough, and as I said in my first post in this thread, if I were in her shoes, I would expect to suck up the loss.

I am not asking for special treatment or for others to bear the burden of my difficulties. But a little more understanding and a little less judgement would be nice.

Actually I suspect that I have ADHD. At 62 I look back upon a lifetime of struggle to manage school and work deadlines, develop routines, focus, complete projects, etc. But it’s still no one else’s problem but my own.

This is the first thing that occurred to me too

The retailer has been very reasonable .
It sounds like this is something you do quite often .
You cannot use ADHD as an excuse - you know the patterns that you follow it’s your responsibility to make strategies to deal with them rather than every time saying to retailers - oh sorry it’s late I have adhd . It’s not a get out clause .
Other people are dealing with illness , divorce , bereavement, work any of life’s challenges but they have to accept responsibility.
I say this as someone who works extensively with neurodivergent people- where we try and empower people to take control of their disability rather than fall back on it as an excuse .

Most people who are diagnosed with adhd later in life have probably spent a lifetime castigating themselves for their own perceived inadequacies and blaming themselves for their inability to do things that other people seem to find easy. Those patterns of thought are deeply ingrained and I still beat myself up on a regular basis for not being able to function like an NT person does. Old habits die hard.

But since being diagnosed, I have learnt a lot more about adhd and how it affects people, and I have at least begun to recognise that my struggles are real and it is not simply a matter of sorting my life out or finding a bit more willpower etc. And it is absolutely not a lack of effort... far from it.

And yes of course, it is nobody's problem but my own. As I said, I don't expect any special treatment. I don't claim any benefits. I work full time in a demanding job and I don't ask for any adjustments...I haven't even told my employer that I have adhd because I worry that it will lead to being judged.

Like I said, it would be nice if there was a bit more understanding and a little less judgement. In the meantime, I am trying very hard to judge myself a little less.

Very well said, @MrsBennetsPoorNerves . I agree with every word. I also pay the ADHD tax regularly, it's a pain but I do just suck it up - I don't expect special treatment, that would be silly. I remember probably 9/10 returns.

Was it In the Style, OP? I have £100 of clothes sitting in my room waiting to go on Vinted because I didn't realise they have the 14 day rule. It annoys me every time I see it.

I'm baffled by the idea that we shouldn't order a lot of clothes online, though. Many towns have pretty limited clothing shop options, and even more limited stock sizes. I don't particularly want to only clothe myself in Next, New Look and M&S. If you were in a shop you could take multiple items into the changing room (and come back out for more if there is a limit), why shouldn't you do it online? Plus most women need to order at least two sizes of each item to see which fits.

@latetothefisting Yeah - I know what you mean. But surely if the OP got 50% of the value it's better than 0 and a credit which she doesn't want...

Probably a good thing in the long run if you do it a lot. It’ll help stop you doing it when you get someone who won’t even offer credit. ADHD here too. I just keep a good diary.