Nurturing uncliquey N London girls school 11+

[Tangerinedream99]

My DD has her heart set on going to an all girls secondary school (eg S Hampstead, Channing, Francis Holland Regents Park). But in her state primary she has unfortunately been excluded by the main girls clique in her class. She is a sweet, giggly girl with a lot of hobbies, perhaps not as worldly as some of the others. I have told her that secondary school will be a chance to make new friends but I’m worried that an all girls environment might see a repeat of the exclusion although there would be a much bigger pool of girls to choose from. Any N London schools I should avoid/ gravitate towards with this in mind? She’s naturally bright but not a total high flyer.

Why? (just curious)

I found Channing junior incredibly cliquey. Yes, superficially people were friendly, but girls/mothers wouldn’t let DDs/me into the ‘inner circle’ unless you were white / posh / powerful / rich. Hated it.

Maybe secondary would be better, I don’t know it as we left.

That’s so awful @BecauseImDonna. What a horrible experience for you and your DD. I’m not surprised you changed schools. I would have too.

It’s not been my experience of Channing (and I’m not white, posh or particularly rich) but it just goes to show how each year group can be different. Interestingly it was fear of that exact experience which was a factor in us turning down Highgate - the parents I met on the offer holders day were really snooty (and incidentally no working mums!) and there was not one person of colour. Lots of the kids had been to prep nurseries together and I worried she’d be excluded. But again, it’s no doubt different in different years.

Im not sure how recent is your experience with Channing. Im familiar with both schools (Highgate and Channing) very well, while Channing is a nice school its more of a local school (particularly its Junior department) compared to Highgate which is considered more academically selective and draws children from all over North London (it gets very diverse starting from Y3 onwards with very few kids living in Highgate). If you are familiar with Channing you probably know that there are at least a few girls every year joining Highgate at 7+ and Senior School. I have never heard of anyone moving the other direction though. Channing is a perfectly nice school but Highgate is more diverse because as its co-ed and tends to be more popular with international families (also in part due to stronger STEM provision/teaching ) . Girls cliques could form in both schools though but having boys on site certainly helps (in my experience) as they get older and hormones start to kick in.

Just personal experience.
My DD has moved from a non selective coed to a non selective girls and she's flourished. Yes there's some cliquey girls, but it's nothing on co-ed. I was worried as it's non uniform, but she's so relaxed, wearing joggers to school and she's stopped wearing makeup or being late because of her hair. There's about 1000x less drama as there's no boys. I think the key has been that it's very mixed, both in terms of attainment as well as wealth.
I do think grammars and independent schools attract a certain type of girl and yes they can be quite cliquey and pressured. There's really not many non selective, truly mixed girls schools left, so I think most people's experience of one is at a grammar or a independent, and that's kind of tainted their rep.

Very recent experience - DD joined in reception a couple of years ago. Channing doesn’t have a 7+ entry so no one can move at that stage. I’m not surprised some kids leave at that age - as I mentioned in a previous post, some children thrive in pushy schools like Highgate. Channing is definitely focused on care and building love of learning, over results. I’m not excluding changing my mind as my DD gets older and I know better what works for her. But I chose the nicer school and atmosphere of Channing because she was only 4.

Neither school is particularly diverse though. That’s the reality of private schools. But certainly in the year we applied there were more children of colour at Channing than Highgate - at least of the ones we met after offers were sent out.

Not sure any of this helps the OP though. I do think there is no substitute to visiting a school. Different schools work for different children.

Possibly! My own first-hand experience of a girls only school is at a grammar, and it was very weird socially compared to the mixed local school I also went to. At the mixed school friendships were more fluid and varied across the year group – people had a wide variety of friendships in different classes and years.

At the girls school friendships were organised into these weird fixed little sets, and everyone knew which group of 4 or 5 everyone else was in. Some people formally changed sets, and everyone would be clear that the person was no longer in a group with the old set – like changing employer 😂😂

My own experience of a girls school has been echoed by other people I’ve met as an adult – teachers and pupils (and I don’t think I’ve ever particularly brought the topic up myself).

The mixed school was also more working class (the girls had a markedly middle class intake by comparison) and was non-selective. So these may also be contributing factors!

@PrimaDoner yup I think diversity and truly being non selective makes for a much happier experience for most kids (if school is well managed) I think there's just very very few non selective, diverse girls schools so it's no wonder people have those experiences.

I could well believe that.

I do think diversity in terms of sex is likely helpful too.

It’s less clear to me why being selective might lead to clique-iness.

I guess it would be interesting to compare selective girls schools with selective mixed schools?

Selective= massive group of very able and competitive kids in one space. Mostly kids who are very used to being the best and suddenly aren't.
Selective independent= massive group of very able kids who are usually also very comfortable at home both in terms of material possessions and attention given to them.
In my experience, non selective co-ed creates cliques of girls who are attractive/rich/popular/popular with boys. I don't have enough experience of selective coed.
This may be an unpopular take on here but in my opinion the less diverse the school cohort is in terms of wealth, the more cliquey it is.