Why would people be dishonest for 11+?

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Living in London, we have observed that many parents are not honest about how much effort and time they invested in preparing their children for the 11+ exam. This is true even for those who have already gone through the process. What is their motive for lying? Why is this such a hostile environment? We cannot comprehend it.

Both of my DC are in a SC grammar school. I have to say it never occured to me that some parents are keeping their tutor details secret 😳 We’re in Kent and we have several grammars near us, including super selectives. I guess there’s therefore more room for everyone. Whenever there’s a request for a tutor on our local FB, people fall over themselves to big up their tutors!

We were very lucky to have our tutor, recommended by a friend. She’s a retired headteacher who also used to sit in the appeals board (? Technical term??) for grammars. She saw DC once a week with an expectation DC completing about 20mins homework daily. I didn’t think it was particularly excessive. I grew up in another country and we had homework every day in the primary school compared to DC’s primary who only requested that kids read a bit.

Our tutor had very similar ethos to the HT mentioned above. To cover the areas they don’t learn in Y5 and to practise the exam prep. She also only charged £20 rising to £25 by the time DC2 started with her per session which is super cheap in the world of tutoring. (And this was only 3 years ago, not in the 80’s!!)

The appropriate comparison for some parents is £40 an hour on tutoring versus £100 grand or more on private education versus God knows how much on a house in the catchment of a good quality comprehensive.

Tutoring is definitely the cheaper of those options!

Of course people don't want to discuss inequality. Most people want to think of themselves as decent and it's hard to engage in the school admissions system in this country without getting a little grubby.

We are past that stage now so it has lost its urgency, but it is so difficult at the time. I remember lying awake in bed wondering what the hell we were going to do.

I have always believed in ‘lifting other boats along with my own’ so will happily get together with friends and their DC to share information, suggest materials or practice for a music exam, but there is no (local) limit on the number of children who can pass a Grade 3 instrumental exam or become better readers! Whereas when it comes to senior school entrance, whether private or state, everyone is in direct competition…

Half the problem is that most parents only go through it once or twice, so there is never any groundswell of public will to change the system. And many of those parents feel that the competition is in some way a good thing, so don’t want to anyway.

It also depends a lot on a) your child’s birth year and b) the local population.
Peak birth year? Good luck.
Living in a less popular area? Have a go at 11+ but try not to let it consume your life.
Living in Greater London? Put on your tinfoil hat now.
Living in Camden or Islington? It was nice knowing you.

This is what makes it so difficult to have a wider conversation about it because experiences are locally determined.

Some parents fabricate their kid’s excellence. They are perfectionists who want to portray a flawless image of their child’s development. DC is smart enough to not require any additional support and thus more qualified for a spot. What bothers me is that some of those same parents then boast about how academic the school is and, indirectly, how intelligent their own children must be. That’s such a dreadful mindset. Gruesome.

Sadly…

Your child and their child are directly competing for a limited number if places at the local grammar school.

If they publicise that they’re doing lots of tutoring, then everyone will do that and the number of local children able to beat their child in the exam increases.

If they successfully convince everyone local that tutors are unnecessary then their child has an ‘edge’ and a few less children to beat.

It’s a nasty nasty system.

I’ve always been open that my child has a maths tutor. Not because I wanted my child to pass the 11+ but because I wanted my child to be awesome at maths. A nice side effect was that my child did pass the 11+. She mentioned that some of the questions were on topics that hadn’t been taught at school but had been taught by the tutor.

The system is shocking. Really really not ok. They should either scrap all grammar schools or limit the entry test to topics covered in school during year 5. The current system just tests how much money the parent spent on tutors.

PS I know 3 parents who had their children doing a 9am - 3pm ‘how to pass the 11+ exam’ course for weeks over the summer. That is how much prep some people are doing.

You hear a lot of crazy stories about the prep going on. I have heard of parents bringing tutors on holiday for the dc trying to get into top private schools. However, it is also possible to get in with a normal amount of prep. Some dc need more prep, some less. But if you need crazy amounts, then probably not the school for you. It sucks it has to be so stressful.

It's much easier to have others move to the middle of the bell curve than to move one's DC to the rightmost edge of the curve

It's purely down to how competitive it is to get in to schools. If you believe you have an advantage, you are not going to tell someone so that they may also gain that advantage. It's not lying or being selfish. It's common sense.

Selfishness is a subjective judgement but many of the anecdotes given on this thread are unequivocally examples of lying.

If we have a tutor and someone asks us if we are etc....we would say that we are not, it's no ones business. I think with Mumsnet, you would have to very naïve nowdays.

If someone asks you a direct question and you give an untruthful answer then that is quite simply a lie, naïveté or otherwise. What you disclose is your business but you can't change the definition of 'lying', especially given the importance of accurate vocabulary for verbal reasoning tests

My child started late May time and studied extra when the tutor could do a 2 hours a week if someone cancelled because she had holidays in the summer. We did work at home. It was a last minute change of heart to do the eleven plus. I can't imagine why people would lie. If they are lying I would just ignore it and let them be.

Hopefully some can share useful advice to those taking the exam this year though. Tbh different things work for different children. I know some that apparently took the whole summer off other than mock exams. That maybe gave them the time they needed to unwind from all the study? They had a tutor for a year.

I also read people say they didn't use tutors but they did 4 hours a week with the child doing work. It's still tutoring but just a different type. Parent/family/friend tutoring :)

I think parents get a bit competitive sometimes. I remember messaging details of the tutor to friends to recommend them. Everyone works differently :)

It's more the exam techniques tbh. Most haven't done formal exams before.

The workbooks are really good for you to do it yourself. The techniques and timings I found my son just needed a bit of guidance with. I'm quite glad we started late as it meant a lot was already covered in the Year 5 learning and he just built upon that.

@Frustration124 what workbooks do you recommend?

We used the CGP ones. They have a good selection dependent on your focus areas and you can get mock tests as well. You can do them in a timed fashion. It does depend on which test you are doing as exam boards vary. You can check online to see which exam board the school uses.

You can also do mock tests with tutors in the area even if your child is home tutoring with you. My child's tutor had a boy come to the mocks that was home tutored. His mum liked him having an authentic test experience prior to the exam (he passed). If you look on Facebook they often advertise the mocks and you can message and ask to join.

Atom do online study materials. We did look at it but my son wasn't engaged and preferred the paper workbooks for short periods.

@Frustration124 thank you, can I ask where you found your tutor?

I found mine obtained googling local 11+ tutors. Tbh we started very late (May!) so I rang several before we got a space. She was amazing and we were lucky she had a space. The best way really is word of mouth if you know anyone a year older that have been through the experience local to you. We did 1-2-1 which was good for my son. Some people like the group sessions.

Sorry for the typos! Can never find a edit option on here and multi tasking :)