Suspended from school

[sassym69]

My daughter has been escorted publically and humiliatingly from school and suspended as a photo shared on her private group (snapchat) has been copied by someone and passed to the head. The photo is an innocent pic of her teacher at the board, thats it ! Granted she shouldnt be using her phone, she was ordered to leave school immediately and not given any real explanations. She was treated with complete disrepect in front of fellow pupils too and made to feel like a criminal. Any school governors out there that can offer advice as I am sure there should be a proceedure on this where they should actually speak to the child first ?

[MarieG10]

@sassym69

And as fabulous and sparkly as all you parents out there are and the ones that are A1 parents who are quite obviously perfection personified at being parents yourselves as your children obvs do no wrong - thank you for all your comments, helpful and snide. I am not an A1 parent unfortunately and FYI, my children do do wrong as any other child does and no I dont agree with it all but lets face it are you that perfect and is your child

I don't think anyone is saying they themselves are a perfect parent. They are pointing out, something which you clearly don't like that your daughter broke the rules and got punished. Tough if your darling little princess felt humiliated but maybe that will teach her a lesson.

What I hope is that you are not spending time in front of her speaking like you are doing on MN so she starts to think that the school are in the wrong treating her like that. I'm totally with them and is not unusual now as kids taking pics/filming teachers just trying to do their job but being posted on sites, often with awful comments is totally unacceptable and what you should have done is be totally supportive to the school.

She isn't likely to be permanently excluded for the one occasion but I suggest you sort out her attitude and behaviour before she does get excluded....and then what is likely to happen is that she will have to move to a totally shit inadequate school which is like that as it is full of kids doing what your daughter has done

[AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys]

She was treated with complete disrepect in front of fellow pupils too and made to feel like a criminal.

🤔 Well what the hell did she expect?! In all honesty, your daughter was the disrespectful one and if she doesn’t like the way she was treated she shouldn’t have done it.

I can understand how embarrassed she must have felt but you need to understand that SHE put herself in that situation, not the school.

Has she done this type of thing before? Maybe she’s got in with a bad crowd and was trying to gain kudos with her friends? (Often it’s the perceived popular kids who are constantly striving to fit in and impress each other, they then turn on each other because their friendship actually has no real foundation).

[Chattybum]

God, talk about getting the kid you deserve The good news is most good schools are stamping this out and permanently excluding for this now.

I expect that you are feeling embarrassed and humiliated on her behalf, and that's just fine as far as I'm concerned. Taking photos to share and humiliate someone while they are just trying to do their job says everything we need to know about what kind of daughter you have.

[al2616]

Can I ask how old your daughter is? Under the age of 16, I'm pretty sure they shouldn't exclude anyone without discussing with their parents first. Had they called you? Do you know how long the exclusion will be for? And they can't just kick her out unaccompanied in the middle of the day. You, as a parent, is trusting the school to take care of your daughter until the end of the school day so you know they are safe. If they have let her out to potentially wander the streets alone when no one knows where she is then that is a safeguarding issue. If they did this all without your knowledge then I would say you need to talk to the school. But like someone else said, read the policies.

[Besidesthepoint]

Teach your daughter some manners.

The OP doesn't sound that she has any manners herself. Instead of either disagreeing or saying: "oh you're right, I didn't see it that way" she gets all offended and lashes out to the posters.

[Chattybum]

Also Op if you think your daughter was innocently taking a photo of the teacher by the board you are either ridiculously naïve or incredibly stupid. Take your pick.

[CalleighDoodle]

You said you have your daughter a consequence. What was it?

I would hope the school now introduces a zero tolerance on mobile phones on school grounds, a route a number of school are now taking due to student poor behaviour with phones.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Now that we know this is a secondary school.

It is unlikely that she would be perm ex'd for this.

But that she was escorted from the premises makes me think that this is not the first time she has been in trouble at school.

The usual not really an apology letter will prevent that.

But if I were the teacher I wouldn't let her back in the room unless I knew that she wasn't in possession of her phone.

[Lovemenorca]

Op and her daughter are cut from the same cloth.

The daughter is not going to change if her mother is as rude and defensive as she is on this thread.

This is what I reckon will happen...

So she will probably be allowed back to the school, no doubt she will continue to disrespect and cause hassle to the school, finally leaving with or without any qualifications but with an attitude that renders her pretty much unemployable, she may get work but it will be full of drama and clashes with managers. She will have children. And so the cycle will continue.

That’s what I reckon anyway. No very PC but probably reality

[Lovemenorca]

But that she was escorted from the premises makes me think that this is not the first time she has been in trouble at school.

100%

[BelleSausage]

OP- do you have any thought about how this affects the teacher? Would you want someone taking pictures of you secretly and then passing them about to their mates while you are trying to work?

Try not to swallow all the bullshit your daughter is feeding you. You will look stupid if you go in guns blazing to find that your daughter’s description of events bares little resemblance to what actually happened.

[CallmeAngelina]

We teach our 8 year olds at school about what you can/cannot photograph and post online so I cannot believe your teenager did not know that what she has done is wrong.
And of course they had to escort her from the premises! Do you think they should have spoken to her and then let her leave the office of her own accord and possibly roam around the school sharing with her mates the "injustice" of her treatment.

[doritosdip]

My daughter has been escorted publically and humiliatingly from school

Please explain. I assume this wasn't like the Game of Thrones Walk of Shame with teachers chanting "shame" will pupils chuck rotten food at her.

How could they do it privately? It's a school so by definition people will be around. It's good that she's humiliated rather than proud of what she's done.

FWIW one of my sons got a suspension from school. Both he and I accepted the punishment with grace as there was no doubt that he was in the wrong. It was forgotten about as he didn't break the school rules again.

Why do you think that schools have this rule? Imagine that a child is caught smoking. Should they be treated more leniently than the child on their second ciggie? Your dd might not have meant any harm with the pic but teens sometimes egg each other one and their behaviour escalates. It's very easy for a teacher at the board to be digitally turned into memes and their professional reputations shat on.

[Milomonster]

I’d be surprised if this was the only incident given the severity of punishment.

[saraclara]

I don't think it necessarily means it's not the only incident. Schools have had to ramp up their response to data and personal privacy issues. Responding with a fixed exclusion the first time is the only effective way to make it clear that its a total no-no.

[LolaSmiles]

It could quite easily be the first incident.

It's a serious incident and not clamping down on it risks minimising the behaviour and acts as a green light for any similar behaviours.

I've seen student's excluded for taking photos of other students in school. I'm not sure why staff should be any different.

[Foxyloxy1plus1]

I’d be interested to know why she took the photo too.

Because she really likes the teacher and wanted a photo. Which would be wrong.
Because she doesn’t like the teacher and thought it would be a bit of fun to show it around and make fun of her. Which would be wrong.
Because she was egged on by her friends. Then foolish to be pressured.

I’m sorry this has happened, but she was in the wrong and hopefully will realise that.

Is it a fixed term exclusion?

[Mintjulia]

Op, I think the best you can do is explain to your dd that what she did is unacceptable. As a teen she probably didn’t know but has now learned that Social Media isn’t a free for all.
Get her to write a letter to the teacher, apologising for an error of judgement, and take it in to the school.
I imagine if this is a first occurrence, they will agree a return timeframe at the same time, or email you later.
Just stick it down to experience.

[ysmaem]

Harsh punishment maybe but she shouldn't have taken the photo. You'll have to just accept what's happened and maybe she shouldn't take her phone to school so the temptation isn't there and then you know it definitely wont happen again.

[harper30]

I'm afraid to say the punishment seems ok to me, what other possible reason would she have had to take a secret picture of a teacher other than to humiliate them or to discuss them in this group chat? If I was that teacher I'd feel incredibly upset and be imagining what sorts of horrible messages were being sent and what other images of me had been taken without my knowledge.

Of course your instinct is to protect your daughter and she's upset, but this is one of those times where she just has to be upset and face the punishment, you can't protect her from this because she's in the wrong and needs to learn that.

Fair play to the kid who told the teachers what was going on in that group chat.

Sorry you're having a shitty weekend OP, hopefully it will all blow over soon and she will think more carefully about that sort of behaviour in future.

[admission]

To be honest your daughter needs to understand as you need to, that the behaviour is totally unacceptable and she needs to start showing some contriteness for what she has done. Whatever the school decide is an appropriate punishment then she needs to realise that she has to accept that.
I have as a governor no issue with a pupil being escorted off the premises but this is where I also need to start asking questions about the approach the school is taking. If the pupil is less then 16 then the school have a duty of care to the pupil and therefore should not have escorted the pupil off site. They should have informed parents and got them to collect pupil.
It is also not clear what exactly has then happened. If it is a school, as opposed to further education college, then they need to be formally excluding the pupil either for a fixed term or permanently in writing to the parents and pupil (if over 18). They cannot just remove her from the school.
As parent you need to be on Monday very politely asking the school what is the next steps. You need to be asking for copies of the behaviour policy, mobile phone policy and almost certainly the social media policy of the school, which will indicate the potential level of punishment which could be forthcoming.
I am not convinced that as a first offence that it will be treated leniently, the school I am a governor would throw the book at them because it is absolutely clear that there is no use of mobile phones in the classrooms and no taking of pictures or recordings. They would be permanently excluded. So I think you need to be expecting the worst rather than assuming leniency.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

LolaSmiles & saraclara

The reason why I believe that this is more than one incident is because I have seen teachers (and pupils) hit, sworn at, sexually assaulted etc. and be back in the same class after a fixed term suspension.

I would love to believe that this school is taking this seriously enough to permanently exclude the pupil but I honestly doubt that on one event that they would do this (unless it is a 6th form or college)

[BubblesBuddy]

I do not think this offence is worthy of s permanent exclusion. Having read quite a few behaviour policies in my time it’s not serious enough and it should be fixed term. If it’s truly a first offence. It is a lesson to be learned but it is doubtful lasting harm was caused. Therefore it’s one for fixed term and last chance!

[eeyore228]

Unless they feel there is a real issue with letting her back in I wouldn’t have thought she would be permanently excluded. That’s normally a last resort. If your DD is ordinarily respectful and well behaved in school I can’t see why they would exclude...unless there is a significant issue you haven’t mentioned.