So how do people...

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Come to terms with knowing your dc will be going to a less than desirable school?

We are tutoring in the hope of passing the 11 plus however I'm still not sure even if my dd did pass a grammar school would be the right fit anyway.

Realistically I don't think she will pass, which means the local academy.

Which by the way was ripped apart by Ofsted for poor teaching, lack of differentiation, uninspiring lessons and the worst gcse results in the area.

By low I mean less than 40 percent of a-c grades.

Has anyone had this and it been ok?

Right now im just feeling like crap that my "choices" are her sitting an exam she has no real hope of passing and possibly struggling in the school if she some how does

Or the worst school around .

[cantkeepawayforever]

Giles, honestly, you'll be fine.

i always say that I only have a third of my brain left - two thirds went into 2 babies - but I have found that maintaining an interest in what they did right from the beginning means that you keep up.. and after all, what is google for??

[GnomeDePlume]

DS got okay GCSEs, not brilliant but okay. But that is down to him having a bit of a 'good enough is good enough' attitude to education. He got what he needed but no more.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

See that's precisely the kind of attitude dd has at the moment which is why I'm so worried

[swingofthings]

You've described the local comprehensive in my old town. Moving from the excellent primary school to secondary school was the main issue of stress for many parents. Those who called themselves catholic found faith again when their kids started Y5/6, same with those associating themselves with the CoE and went back to church after not having set foot since they were kids in the hope to get a place in the affiliated schools in neighbooring town. Others went back to work FT and reviewed their budget to pay for private schooling.

All the kids are now doing their A levels and it's interesting to see how each have fared depending on which school they've been too. The overall outcome is that those who did well in primary school have continued to do well in secondary whichever school they've gone to, and same with those who were average. Those who did well at primary school and went to the local comprehensive have done as well as those of the same level who went to the religious schools, bare one or two grades.

The only significant difference is the few who went to private school who got A*s all around rather than their equivalent in primary school who got mostly As.

As to the next step after A levels, all seem to be following a path that could have been predicted when they left primary school.

Speaking with an experienced teacher recently, her view is that however well a child will do is more dependent on the education they get at home than what they get from the school unless they are set to go to Medical School or similar.

[Moominmammacat]

If it's any use to you, my children went to a super selective state school and I was very happy with it. But in my work capacity I visited several schools with awful reputations and I was generally very impressed by what I saw ... including pupils who had better results than my DSs ... staff really struggling to go the extra mile. I went to an utter sink school and I've come out ok. It's not ideal but I hope you can make it work.

[BubblesBuddy]

Actually work at home is hugely influential with the DC of vets and medics being very successful in getting those places at university! Everything counts at home and that includes 'grooming' for a profession and have huge opportunities for work experience above all others.

[BubblesBuddy]

I would also be very careful about over stressing the 11 plus and turning her off. If you are average at a Bucks primary you are not grammar school cohort. Therefore the stress of the next 7 years at a grammar could be overwhelming. It is possible to go into the 6th forms though and I would look at this later down the line. I have seen countless pupils tutored to oivion and still do not pass. They feel even more of a failure.

Regarding the 12 plus. I believe the Bucks grammars set their own tests in the core subjects. It is not a county wide test and it does depend on a space being available. Ditto at 13. It can work but I have seen children utterly stressed out by more exams and more failure. The successful ones at 12 didn't do well at the grammars either as they had been pushed too hard and were not happy. There is a need to listen to your DD in all of this!

[GnomeDePlume]

Giles, DS probably slightly underachieved at GCSE but probably not by a huge amount. He did well enough to get onto the BTEC course he wanted to do and has since past that.

There is so much you can do as a parent to support DCs at whichever school they are at. Mostly by simply being engaged and interested which you are doing already.

[GnomeDePlume]

Sorry, passed not past (doh!)

[Ktown]

I would:
Tutor outside of school.
Do stuff in London with her at weekends/get involved in some academic out of school activities.
Avoid too much of the overly involved friendships that kids with disinterested parents allow.
I went to a comp that had teen pregnancy and alcohol issues and this is how we managed.
Lastly it probably isn't that bad.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Avoid too much of the overly involved friendships that kids with disinterested parents allow
I went to a comp that had teen pregnancy and alcohol issues and this is how we managed

How do people manage to find out who to avoid

I am trying very hard to drum into her about not getting involved with stuff she knows is wrong so fingers crossed she maintains the sense to do so. So far she's very good at recognising when stuff is likely to get her into trouble and not getting herself involved just have to hope it exists. I have told her real friends would never lu5sh her into stuff she's not happy with

[Out2pasture]

OP my trio went to one of the worse secondary schools in the province I live in (ranked 219 out of 293).
we didn't quite know how horrid it was until my eldest wrote his provincial exams and failed them all despite good school grades.....
my second child managed to outscore 10% of the provincial population
my third well he didn't care much about anything but was a nice friendly kind soul we seeked out the easiest exam route and got him to pass.
all three knew post secondary was expected
eldest struggled took 8 years to earn his degree in computer science but he did it.
dd graduated with distinction
youngest...we were wise by this point eldest having paved the way...attended a college which offered a program to redo the secondary courses in a condensed version. did very well and went on to a very good technical career.
so a poor secondary school wasn't a death knell
as for friendships. I was super on top of this, like a fly on shit on top of this, spy crazy on top of this. possibly extreme but it worked for us and kept our family mantra that post secondary and employment was mandatory strong.

[BertrandRussell]

It's not the same, obviously, but my ds has just finished at a secondary school we really didn't want him to go to. Not a bad school, but a very bad "fit". He floundered a bit in year 7, but found his feet, and realized that he had to get his act together and make the best of it. We had to be much more proactive that we would have been at a better fit school, I'm sure they had a party in the staff room at the thought of no more emails from me! So don't panic. Be ready to step in. And talk to your child from the beginning about what she had to do to get where she wants to be.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Thank you bertrand

I will be ecplaing all this to her. She is capable of working her arse off she is doing so with all her sports it's still a work in progress however to get this transferred over. But we do have a year I guess so hopefully thats enough time for her to grow up a bit and start getting her shit together.

[MillicentMargaretAmanda]

Are you near enough to apply for Highcrest? (Am making a guess that the school in question might be BEA?) Highcrest, while not amazing, does have a banded intake and I know someone there in the grammar-esque stream who has ambitions to go to Oxbridge so they are obviously encouraging ambition in their brighter students. Failing that are you close enough to the Berks border to look at some of those comps?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

No, we are no where near those. We are sadly literally several miles from all otger decent schools and and although waiting lists will be an option getting in on the first round will certainly be like winning the lottery.

I am just resigning myself now to having to input more than i had hoped and I guess trying to increase my hours at work will have to be put on hold another year or so just til I can see how the land lies and see what movement there is on the waiting lists.

[GnomeDePlume]

Input from you can take many forms. The most important thing is encouragement. Encourage your DD to try things, look at out of school activities which will give her a wider circle of friends than just school.

The school will do the academic stuff. Your job is to ensure she engages with it. Homework gets done, good behaviour is rewarded, a cba attitude is actively discouraged.

Activities my DCs engaged with:

• music school, DDs arent particularly musical but our county music service run Saturday music schools, DDs sang in choirs, learned some music theory, tried out different instruments. As they got older they moved on to helping out in classes.
  Link to your county music service: www.bucksmusic.org/
  
• Cadets: air, army, sea. Lots of doing stuff and none of it expensive.
  
  There are lots of others but your DD will need your encouragement to try them.
  
  A crap school isnt the end of the world.

[Ktown]

I mean avoid spending time out of school with kids whose parents are interested nor involved. Therefore the ones hanging around parks all the time.
Providing your kid with safety at home so they are not exposed to all the nonsense.
Easier said than done these days!!

[BertrandRussell]

"I mean avoid spending time out of school with kids whose parents are interested nor involved. Therefore the ones hanging around parks all the time.
Providing your kid with safety at home so they are not exposed to all the nonsense.
Easier said than done these days!!"
I profoundly disagree with this. Yes, make sure there are alternatives- but "fitting in" is important. And just because someone is not committed to academics doesn't mean they can't be a good friend.

[BertrandRussell]

My ds's closest friends are probably from out of school activities- but he had friends at school and did his share of hanging out in the park.....

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I think she meant hanging around with people who are drinking or smoking having underage sex etc although how I'd know who these people were I don't know and sadly sooner or later she's going to be around this kind of stuff whereas she's not going to be hanging around in parks at ten o clock at night I guess I'm really going to have no choice but to have to trust her to know better.

God the fact we even think like this is scary. There are knives being taken into primary schools these days ffs. When did all this happen.

I did think hanging around in parks was kinda a right of passage though. Provided of course there's no smoking swearing or littering!!!

[BertrandRussell]

"There are knives being taken into primary schools these days ffs."

Well, there aren't very much, you know. And they aren't taken into secondary schools very much either...

[BertrandRussell]

And there's drinking and smithing and underage sex in even the nicest school....

[Tissunnyupnorth]

Is there any chance of moving primary for her last year to a school that is a feeder (if they exist at all in your area) into a decent secondary? If you are travelling anyway it might be worth a little research? A short term disruption might be worth it in the longer term?

[Tissunnyupnorth]

I mention this because we have a girl joining my DD's yr5 class. When I spoke to her parents they said it was because they were in a secondary black hole where they lived and DD's school is a feeder into a good Secondary.