So how do people...

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Come to terms with knowing your dc will be going to a less than desirable school?

We are tutoring in the hope of passing the 11 plus however I'm still not sure even if my dd did pass a grammar school would be the right fit anyway.

Realistically I don't think she will pass, which means the local academy.

Which by the way was ripped apart by Ofsted for poor teaching, lack of differentiation, uninspiring lessons and the worst gcse results in the area.

By low I mean less than 40 percent of a-c grades.

Has anyone had this and it been ok?

Right now im just feeling like crap that my "choices" are her sitting an exam she has no real hope of passing and possibly struggling in the school if she some how does

Or the worst school around .

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Yeah choc I've already planned 3 schools im getting on waiting lists for so I shall make a nuisance of myself checking

[noblegiraffe]

If the time limit is an issue can you do it the other way around and give her as long as she needs to finish the paper, but time how long she takes?
Have 'time taken' and 'silly mistakes made' and some sort of points system so a quicker time but more silly mistakes isn't as good as a slightly longer time but more accurate? Then she has to try to beat her own previous total score?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

That's not a bad idea noble i will try it thanks.

Really hate having to put her through all this I'm doing my best to make it as fun/light as possible but it's not easy when she has a tendency to act like a baby and get all pouty every time she makes a mistake rather than be happy with how well she's done. And in all honesty considering even I struggle with the NVR she's surprisingly good at it. Her maths has improved loads since she's had the tutor and when she's forgetting shes claiming not to know stuff the only thing that's proving to be a bit more tricky is some of the vocabulary but we are working on that .

[Michaelahpurple]

V random, but there is a fun website called free rice which lends itself to quick bursts of vocabulary practice




freerice.com/#/english-vocabulary/1547

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Oh she will love that!!!

[CookieDoughKid]

I would be putting all my effort in upping her tutoring and doing more with her every other day and get her to the point she can cope as well as pass. Go to the elevenplusforum and they will give you plenty of advice and techniques there. I think a large part of passing the grammar exam is learning 'how to pass in exam conditions'. So keeping a cool head, stress techniques, how to answer the easy questions first, how to read and dissect questions etc. Then you will equip your daughter with as good a chance as any. These 11plus exams is all about speed and accuracy and the more you practise, the more you will get better at it. Try the '10 minute' bond book tests as a starter.....All the best.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I will check out the forum. Thanks. I will as you say just have to up the tutoring

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Ha that's very familiar. We are getting lots of arguing between the dds despite not wanting to do the flash cards she doesn't want dd2 to look at then either

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

That is reassuring Electrolux2 it is also useful to think that you might get into a different school on waiting lists, you can appeal, sit 12 plus, move to private for yr9. Lots of options don't let her feel her whole future depends on one set of tests. Reminds myself of the same thing.

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

Oh and @Electrolux2 how much time did he do each day/week to achieve that? not throwing pencils stage yet but still needs to get faster

[Gileswithachainsaw]

What happens with the 12 plus?

[LandofTute]

I hope you get your first choice school. It feels wrong that you'll only have access to a decent education if your child passes the exam. It's not like they are going to reduce the taxes you pay to reflect that your child is getting an inferior education if they didn't pass!

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Exactly land

Think for once we deserve something to go "easily" had enough stress with primary applications

[ChocolateWombat]

How many children from your DDs school go to Grammar? Are some of her friends expect to go to Grammar too? Is it lots or just the odd one, which then can make it harder to develop a positive attitude towards the work that is needed.

It can be really hard work getting a 10 year old who really doesn't want to work to do it, and hard to persuade them if the benefits if few of their peers will be going. However, it is possible and worth it and once she is there, I think the hard working attitude will rub off.

I would plan a summer schedule which has days off each week and at least 1 week with no work at all. Build in treats and rewards too.....you've got to make the slog have some kind of reward. And emphasise the value you place on the effort put in, not the end result, to help remove the fear factor she will be feeling. Remind her that all the work will help her in lessons whatever the outcome. Emphasise how proud you are when she works hard and is mature about it. And don't get carried away with ridiculous amounts of work....yes, keep plodding along, but be realistic too.

[Rudi44]

just on the subject of bursary, you would be surprised how much help some schools offer even for working parents. The salary threshold can be quite high and it takes into account outgoings etc like mortgage. This and a combo of scholarship could be worth looking at although most scholarships are not worth much reduction

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Yes that's what I've been trying to do. I have said that of she came away with a G and shed worked her arse off I'd be thrilled and it would mean so much nore than a C she didn't even try for.

The school she's at usually only get

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

You can sit exams in yr7/8 (12/13+) and if they pass and there is space then they can get a place.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I didn't know that. That's good to know. One nore option to explore

[jackny]

How far south in Bucks are you? John Colet, Wendover or Waddesdon C of E are excellent & both are secondary moderns

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Sadly not bear enough for either of those

[GnomeDePlume]

Remember that the scores of the schools are averages. Your DD is an individual. There is an awful lot you can do as a parent by being interested and involved in your DD's education.

If it is any reassurance, we have had 3 DCs go through a similarly dire school. In and out of special measures like it's caught on the door handle (back in SM again now).

All 3 DCs survived the experience, 2/3 with straight As at GCSE. They didn't get extra tuition, what they got was our interest in their education. Homework completed, discipline maintained etc.

I well recognise the feeling of despair when you realise that the school your DC is likely to end up at is a poor performing one. In the end all you can do is make the best of it.

[cantkeepawayforever]

I would support Gnome's point.

In the old days of CSEs and O-levels, my elder DBro got 1/4 of the entire school's O-level passes (60+ kids; 24 O-level passes) and all but 1 of the A grades (8 out of the school's 9)

4 years later, younger DBro pretty much repeated the same thing.

Both went to Oxbridge - elder DBro was only about the third person from the school to go off to university at all, as it was a tiny rural ex secondary modern turned comp.

Common factor - 2 Oxbridge educated parents, interested and involved in education, with a house full of books and an assumption that their children would do well.

The school I referred to upthread, with the even direr stats, had its first Oxbridge entrant (gone to sixth form elsewhere) the year they closed. Again, parents (and a determined teacher who personally drove a bunch of Year 10s down to Oxford in a minibus a few years earlier) were the main factor.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

gnome

Thank you I find that quite comforting.

Am I allowed to ask how the 3rd one did?

Obviously they would have all had the same level of support and interest from you I'm just wondering if he didn't do as well was that more to do with the natural capability or did the school have more if a negative effect on them? (Which obviously can be true of any school no matter how good or bad )

It's ok if you don't want to say

[Gileswithachainsaw]

can't

Sadly although I'm not entirely incapable I'm alot "thicker" than I used to be I do genuinely have concerns about how I'm even going to understand her work enough to guide her

Too much time in retail dumbing myself down in order not to crack with boredom and lack of stimulation...