Weekly boarding before full boarding: necessary? desirable? why?

[FutureBoardingParent]

Background: son in y6, has place at a full boarding school (for y9 of course), currently at a prep where a large minority weekly board, and many flexi-board. He boards one night a week at present and is fine with that. Has done full weeks at residential summer camps etc. without problems. His head has suggested that he switch to weekly boarding in order to prepare him for full boarding later; I get the impression that this is a general recommendation rather than anything specific to DS. DS doesn't want to do this, saying that he's confident he'll be ready to enjoy full boarding two years from now, but doesn't want to give up any more of his limited time at home in the meantime.

DH and I are strongly inclined to trust DS on this, and not try to push him towards weekly boarding (we would never insist, as "our child doesn't board unless he wants to" is something we feel strongly about, but if we were convinced that was the right thing, we would explain to DS why we thought that). I don't really want to discuss this with the head as that suggests it's up for negotiation whereas in fact we will decide! However, I would like to hear views of experienced parents, particularly if we're missing something important.

I feel that the one day a week boarding is useful in giving DS the experience of sleeping at school and handling all the same elements of the routine he'd have as a weekly boarder. It's not clear to me that four days a week would give him anything radically different. It would be longer away from home, and longer with less privacy. Still, he knows the place extremely well and knows all the people, has established friendships etc. - I feel the problems he's bound to encounter going into a new school are not things this would help with much. (Also, he'll have his own room at senior school, where prep has dormitories, so a different environment that way too; he doesn't particularly need to learn to handle a full week with no privacy.)

The extra money that weekly boarding would cost is a factor too; boarding fees will be a stretch, and we're being very careful to get value out of all the money we spend, saving as much as we can to safeguard our standard of living later. While we certainly could afford for him to weekly board, we wouldn't want to pay an extra hundred pounds a week without good reason.

Another factor is that DS will take very hard scholarship papers, in which his prep does not have a recent record of success, but for which DH and I do have some relevant skill. We have an evening routine that we're all enjoying to supplement the language teaching he's getting at school, and I'm loath to give that up.

My attitude is certainly coloured by experience with DS that he's typically very sure whether he's ready for something or not. If he's not, pushing him does no good and can in fact backfire. He can flip quickly into being ready, and then he's completely ready. I'm inclined simply to believe him when he says he will be ready in 2017 but doesn't want to do this proposed preparatory step, at least not yet.

Experienced boarding parents: am I missing something? How does that chime with or differ from your children's experience?

DSis boarded at 16 - she found the first term incredibly difficult and had to really struggle to get through it (but enjoyed the rest of her time there).

I boarded from 14 and had a fantastic time from about 5 minutes after my parents left. I would have been like DSis a year earlier though.

You sound like you trust your DS. Go with his instinct on this. Maybe he doesn't want to commit to two years - could he just do his final year?

From what my peers told me, out of the initial 12 who started the year (age 13) together: 1 left after a term and a half, 1 left after a year and a half, 1 was totally heartbroken for the whole first year until the final three weeks then begged her parents to stay. 2 were full boarders at the prep attached to the senior school, 2 were weekly boarders, 1 was a day school girl, the others were day prep with the odd overnight session. Total mix. We all did fine.

Thank you DancingQueen

Its the same school until she leaves so only a small difference.
They just move building to girls house at y9 and share with one other girl.
I can see I'm going to be a gibbering wreck in September.

I have two boarders - one senior, one prep. Both have always been full boarders because of our family circumstances.

When the older one was coming to the end of prep the school changed the options for the older children, in consultation with governors and parents. IIRC the top two years had to opt for full boarding, or become day pupils - the younger years still had the option of flexi boarding a couple of nights a week or weekly boarding. I didn't take much notice at the time because it didn't affect us, but the rationale was to help those who would be boarding at senior school settle into their new schools. I don't know if this was based on any evidence of children having struggled with the transition.

Anecdotally (from my senior boarder), those who have boarded before find the transition a little easier. But even for those who have boarded before there is a big jump in self-organisation needed - including finding your way around a far bigger campus/town, more self-study and fewer organized activities to keep you busy at weekends (and keep homesickness at bay). So while I think on balance it's worth knowing what to expect at senior school, I don't think boarding is an essential precursor - most of them work it out by the end of the first term, and those who don't - as other posters have already said - were probably not cut out for boarding in the first place.

Firsttimeboarding I think one of the advantages of prior boarding is for a DC to build-up stamina for the constant action and company (good and not so good) that is part of boarding (including some late nights). Without that prior experience your DS may be more tired than seasoned boarders in the initial phases of his senior boarding school. However as long as he expects that then it should n't be a major problem.

My impression is that boarding is a lot of fun at prep schools and day children usually ask to become boarders so if your DS is not tempted and happier at home for the moment then I certainly would n't force the issue.