Tell me we haven't lost the plot to be turning down a grammar place for DS

[LegsBenedict]

I posted about this back in October here. DS unexpectedly passed the 11+ but didn't want to go to the grammar school in the next city (and county - ours is a non-grammar county) and I was umming and ahhing about whether or not to put it on his secondary application form. I did in the end, but not as our first choice.

After I posted, we visited a superb comprehensive in another city in the opposite direction, on a whim, and both felt it was our absolute favourite, a brilliant fit for DS - academic, super results, amazing sports, etc. So we put it on the form as DS's first choice. It's massively oversubscribed and he didn't get a place (he's way down the waiting list). Cue mega disappointment, as we felt this was the perfect option between the grammar he didn't want to go to, and a nearby comprehensive I was finding a bit underwhelming.

In the end, the place he got offered was at the nearby small rural comp. It achieves average/slightly better than average results, is "good" according to Ofsted, and has a value added score in the high 900s (could be worse - but not a patch on the super comp he missed out on). Lots of kids in its catchment go private or to further-away grammar schools/comps, so I question how well placed that leaves it to support kids working at high levels. It's never over-subscribed. But still, DS has got comfortable with the idea of going to this comp. Most of his class mates are going, and they're nice kids.

Two days ago, unexpectedly, DS was offered a place at the grammar - he'd remained on the waiting list and a space has become available by a whisker. We've talked a lot, and DS still doesn't want to go, for a host of valid reasons (it's single-sex, heavily religious, is difficult to get to, has a claustrophobic and tired campus, he knows no one there, etc). It would be difficult for us logistically - I honestly don't know how I'd make the grammar work with transport/work/DS being able to participate fully in after-school clubs (he wouldn't be able to). Also, the grammar's value added score is no better than the comp's ... and yet I still feel like we'd be passing up a coveted opportunity by turning it down.

DS has a good work ethic and is a pretty sensible, balanced lad - people are telling me he'll do well anywhere. And the comp should, in theory, be able to support DS to achieve at the same level as the grammar. In theory. I have to let the grammar know by tomorrow if we want the place - and I feel whatever decision we go for will be wrong in some way. And if I insist on the grammar, I think DS's trust in me would plummet, where his thoughts and feelings have factored into this process so much until now.

Any words of wisdom? Anyone else gone for an OK comprehensive over a grammar, whether by choice or circumstance, and it's worked out well for their DC? I guess there's still the outside chance DS will be offered a place eventually at the other (super) comp.

[Variousrandomthings]

The poor value added score for the local comp would worry me.

[VivaLeBeaver]

Does the comp have sets?

Also can you find the value added score for children who enter the school as high achievers? I believe this info is normally out there. Someone on mn found the info for dds school when I was freaking out slightly and I was reassured by it.

Was thinking about this last night and dds school sets for academic subjects. Which I think has made a huge difference. For subjects like art, music they're not set....just in form groups. Dd says the behaviour differences between the set subjects and the non set subjects is huge. Maybe a bit of a generalisation but in her experience it's true.

I don't think I'd be happy with a comp which didn't set as the range of ability can be so huge and being lumped together is beneficial for neither end.

[TheWordFactory]

Here are some things to think about if you have a high ability child at a mixed ability school.

What % of like ability children attend. You don't want yours to be an outlier (both in terms of psychological impact but also in terms of distribution of resources).

How do these pupils ultimately perform. Check the % of As at GCSE. If the school conflate A/A ask for a breakdown.

Does the school set. In what subjects. When.

Is triple science offered and to which pupils.

Which MFLs are offered.

What does an average GCSE option block look like (ensuring there aren't spaces where only non-academic subjects are offered).

Does it have a sixth form. What % of pupils stay on for A level. Look at the numbers and the grades. what does the leavers destinations look like.

I spend a lot of time visiting schools as part of the widening access scheme (for Oxbridge) and am often disappointed at the provision for our most able pupils.

[sandgrown]

FWIW my son went to the oversubscribed local comp. It has a new building and fantastic facilities but has gone into special measures. DS loves the school but his results are atrocious. I have older children and know that like many boys he will not start to really work until after age 13 or so . I know he will be ok so whilst I am keeping an eye on him and speaking to his teacher I am not really stressing.OP if your son works hard he will do well anywhere and the main thing is that he is happy.

[LynetteScavo]

With DS1 we had a huge selection of schools he could have gone to Grammar, Bilateral (basically a huge comp but with 11+ for grammar stream ) a couple of secondary moderns.....we opted to bus him to a comprehensive in the next town. It gets the same results as the bilateral school, we liked that it had a 6th form, wouldn't be pushy (DS can't cope with pressure) and they claimed their pastoral care was second to none ( I scoffed, but it really is - the staff are amazing!). The big down side is after school clubs/ matches/homework clubs.

I've decided to send all my DC there, but if I could move closer I would.

DS1 now has the opportunity to go to the grammar for 6th form, and he can see the school for what it is (aged 11 he couldn't) and doesn't want to go at all, but neither does he want to continue his long commute. ATM he's thinking of the (outstanding) bilateral school, although I'm concerned the pastoral care won't very good.

It depends what you want from a school.

[florencedombey]

I went to a small rural comp with not great results (think it was 35% who left with 5 GCSEs at A-C). One of my parents' friends described it as "a training ground for Borstall"! BUT, I had friends there, the teachers knew everyone really well (small school), I felt supported and comfortable there, so I worked hard and did well.

If your son is telling you that he likes the look of the small local comp, listen to him. Children thrive in an environment they feel comfortable in.

Ps. I got into Oxford....