scottish politics and friendships

[frankie80]

anyone else (regardless of how they voted), finding the scottish political situation is affecting their friendships as in losing friends and preventing from making new friends?

eg I was looking online for a local dog walking group. nosey'd at the FB profile of the group organiser to see pictures of the puppy she has (love cute puppies) only to find it full of really horrible nasty racist political stuff.

So that's a dog walking group I won't be joining. Sad, as I wanted to get out more and this seemed idea.

Similarly, I've ended friendships because of political beliefs, not really because of their vote but either because of their reasons for voting and their attitudes to those who vote otherwise.

I've had family members defriend me on Facebook because I wasn't voting their party.

It just makes me so sad that I have to be careful now about who I socialise for fear of politics being brought up. Its a lonelier life since this time last year!

I'm not sure how your examples are specifically related to Scottish politics. You get nasty racists everywhere, yet no Scottish party has racist policies.

I have friends who vote differently to me, we have political discussions and in the end, agree to disagree. Of course, I'm always delighted if I can help them "see the light", but I haven't fallen out with anyone over it.

Nope.

I only talk about politics with people who I know can have a sensible conversation without taking things personally.

I don't ever talk about politics with people who put stupid twibbons or similar on their social networking profiles, no matter what flavour.

We've got fairly polarised political views in my immediate family and good friends but just never talk politics if we're aware that we'll fundamentaly disagree. Works well.

I certainly wouldn't get involved in a group which included racists. You've had a lucky escape there that they were so upfront about it.

No, not all. Haven't seen or heard of anything like it either, except on MN.

I've never been in a situation where the debate hasn't been very good humoured. I was talking to an English bloke on Saturday night and we had a really good laugh about it.

I never bring up politics, I only talk about it with my DH/parents in private or on MN but since last year, everywhere I go (work/school gates etc) people have brought it up and rather aggressively so, wanting to know what/who I voted for, demanding to know why, demanding to know what I think.

Those who say it's not an issue for them are those who don't have to worry because they voted 'rightly' so once they reveal that, no one really cares anymore. Its only when you answer 'wrongly' the arguments start.

I've spoken to a few people who have answered 'wrongly' and lost friendships as a result.

Its horrendous that this is how I am made to feel in a country I love just as much as the other side do, much as they disbelieve me.

'Those who say it's not an issue for them are those who don't have to worry because they voted 'rightly' so once they reveal that, no one really cares anymore. Its only when you answer 'wrongly' the arguments start.'

So you only want to hear from no voters? Wish you'd put that in the thread title...

I'm surprised anyone is still interested in how anyone voted in the indyref, let alone people you see every day and who surely know the answer already.

Do you find yourself stressing about other matters a bit too much too? Perhaps a visit to your GP to ask about counselling would be helpful.

I know plenty of yes voters, and plenty of no voters. Outside of fb and twitter - which says it all really - I haven't witnessed any of the behaviours you are describing, Op. Evidently me and my crew were dragged up proper.

Maybe you need to find new friends?

I had someone delete me from Facebook after the referendum because I challenged his view that the referendum was fixed. I also had a bit of abuse for voting no. There is far too much name calling and immaturity on social media regarding the political situation in my opinion. People are 'real Scots' no matter whether they support independence or not. Respect the fact that people have different opinions and do not berate them for it.

Hirples, your surprise that people are still talking about the indyref seems a bit disinegenuous. Everyone knows it is still a hot topic, and given the immense importance of a general election and the huge shifts in politics in Scotland since the referendum, it is obviously a major factor in people's thinking. And patronising the OP by suggesting she needs counselling is the sort of comment I suspect she is getting from people at the school gates and illustrated exactly what she is talking about. It is sneering and patronising.

OP - I know exactly what you mean, and have experienced the same. I have managed to avoid falling out with people by being very careful what I say, and biting my tongue (a lot) on Facebook, which can be quite stressful. I admit that my opinion of some of my friends and acquaintances has changed a bit. But I guess they are probably feeling the same way about me.

I am an atheist and have friends who are committed Christians - but this doesn't get in the way of my friendships with them. So it's not about having different views or ven beliefs, it is about how they are being expressed, and the lack of respect for others' viewpoints.

One or two really nasty comments on here, wow. Suggesting I need counselling because I don't like how the other side are behaving? Pretty much sums up my point!

OP glad you spotted the passive aggressive comments!

It can be handy in some ways to find out who is a good friend or not, family is always more tricky of course.

In general I do not get drawn in by certain family members wanting to probe about stuff I know they will bully me about. I don't volunteer my opinion because I know it is neither wanted nor valued as a contribution but rather will be seen as something to knock down mercilessly! So I'm non-committal and steer away to other topics.

Thanks for the support, that comment got posted perfectly illustrates my point as its exactly what I'm experiencing in real life.

As for 'making new friends'', what I was saying in my OP is that I'm finding this difficult for fear of politics coming up in the conversation. Maybe it will be safer in a few years once this election, the Scottish election and council elections are all over...

Agree with Bakewell - it can give you a bit of insight into how people operate. A lot of people are acting a bit like bullies - saying all sorts of things then acting all innocent "What? I am only expressing an opinion. Don't take it personally. etc etc".

Hirples certainly gave her/himself away.

I mean a lot of people in real life, not here on MN

I suggested counselling because OP seems to be experiencing extremely high levels of anxiety, esp from her second post. If this is because she is genuinely surrounded, everywhere she goes, by people who bully and harrass her because of a choice she made eight months ago, counselling or some sort of support group could give her the courage she needs to completely change her life and move on.

If, however, her perceptions are skewed, counselling might also help her to see that political engagement is not threatening or bullying, and give her the methods to simply disengage from conversations she doesn't want to have, without cutting people from her FB/life generally.

But hey ho, that makes me a disingenuous bully, showing my true colours.

We've just had a GE which has produced an unexpected result, of course people will talk about it. Next year, we have elections for Holyrood, and people will talk about that. Then there's the EU referendum due in 2017, people will talk about that too. As a topic of conversation, politics isn't going to go away any time soon. Either OP finds some way to cope with that, or she's going to end up one very unhappy person.

In my experience of my family bullies - nowt to do with the referendum in my case if I didn't make that clear enough - they think they are politically engaged , "passionate" and know how to tell it like it is. The opponent they choose is always "too sensitive". I am wise to it now so it makes me yawn a bit!

How did you reach that place, Bakewell? Perhaps your experience could help the OP.

So I need counselling, but those behaving in this way don't need any help?

I have counselling qualifications so I do know how to 'change my life', 'move on' as you put it, but I don't need to, there's nothing wrong with me which you seem to think there is. It's other people's behaviour that I have an issue with.

Nothing wrong with having an opinion, but to express it aggressively, and intimidatingly is wrong.

The thing is, as you probably know, you can't change the way other people behave, you can only change how you react to them. I suggested counselling might be a way to help you with that, but you seem to take that as an insult, so I'm sorry.

I really should charge but...

Physical distance and time helped. I became aware that they were indeed the problem : "It's them not me."

They are the ones who need the counselling!

It sounds like the OP is on her way but is venting here, not a bad idea!

Well, it's still an issue in my village in Scotland.

The last 'Yes' sign only came down around 3 weeks ago.

Kids and teachers wearing 'See Me, I'm SNP' badges at school.

There has been a real resurgence of interest around the GE.

Unlike many things, Religion / stance on Europe etc it seems very divisive still.

I have kept away from social media regarding this as it seems to get really nasty (on both sides, sometimes).

If Mr Cameron wants to be a '1 Nation' PM, he has some work to do tbh.

Isn't "see me" a disability charity's slogan?

Yes I've seen them on kids too at schools

"See me" followed by something like, "I'm brand new, so I am," has been part of colloquial Scottish dialogue for much longer than it's been the slogan for a disability charity.

I am a no voter with an English husband.

I see people I like on Facebook liking a page aboutSNP, fine. Then I read the comments by the SNP voters on that page and read hateful anti english bigotry. I am dismayed by it, it seems to be becoming socially acceptable to hate English and to hate not Scottish Enough Scots who dared to vote No.

Trying very hard to not talk about politics on Facebook.